Okay, let me explain this one to those not in the know. In my writing and reviewing for The Horror Channel's Dread Central I've been following the progress of a fast rising direct-to-DVD production company called The Asylum that started out as very promising but of late has devoted almost their entire output to cashing in on a big screen genre films by producing low budget knock-offs of highly dubious quality. The Asylum’s H.G. WELLES' WAR OF THE WORLDS starring C. Thomas Howell was released the day before the Cruise/Spielberg blockbuster. The Asylum’s KING OF THE LOST WORLD, a modernized variation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s THE LOST WORLD with a giant ape tossed in, was released the day before Peter Jackson’s KING KONG. In January they released EXORCISM: THE POSSESSION OF GAIL BOWERS, an obvious attempt to cash in on THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE. In February they released WHEN A KILLER CALLS, a rip-off of that awful WHEN A STRANGER CALLS REMAKE so similar in plot that they should be thankful they didn't get sued. This week they release their THE HILLS HAVE EYES copycat HILLSIDE CANNIBALS. Earlier this week, I logged onto The Asylum's website to make sure I had the release date right for BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA'S CURSE, the Asylum's first completely original, at least as original as a DTV vampire movie can be, film coming out in April, and saw they had posted info about two new Asylum productions that, well, let’s just say what I read was quite an "omen" of things to come.
On June 6th The Asylum will be releasing the horror thriller THE CHILD.
"Young couple, Scott and Erika, adopt Donald, a child orphaned by a tragic plane crash. Their new family seems picture perfect at first, but then everyone around them starts dying in horrific ways. They soon discover that their family's new addition is really the son of Satan."
Hmm... What big screen remake of a classic Seventies horror film about a couple that come to learn their son is actually the Antichrist also just happens to be opening in theaters on June 6th? But is THE CHILD really the best title The Asylum think tank could come up with? Were they incapable of coming up with a distinct word that means roughly the same thing as the word "omen"? Someone get me a thesaurus; I bet I can come up with a better title.
Keeping with the theme of piggybacking off big Hollywood films, this summer The Asylum will be releasing a little something they're calling PIRATES OF TREASURE ISLAND. "Inspired by Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island" in much the same way that The Asylum's KING OF THE LOST WORLD was "inspired by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World," this Asylum production couldn't possibly be trying to cash in on a certain Disney produced supernatural pirate adventure flick sequel starring Johnny Depp, could it?
"Jim Hawkins yearns for a life of adventure. His life of monotony suddenly changes when he comes into possession of a map. The young innkeeper then bands with pirates and travels to the infamous Skull Island in search of a king's buried treasure."
Okay, I admit that the prospect of Lance Henriksen as a pirate intrigues me, but still.
One thing is for certain, the inmates are indeed running The Asylum. And you know what? I think it's time we got in on their action. Hell yeah! One of the most buzzed about upcoming genre films is SNAKES ON A PLANE. If you haven't heard about SNAKES ON A PLANE then you're clearly out of the loop. The title summarizes the plot. It's poisonous snakes loose on a plane in mid-flight. Sure, there's a little more to the plot but mostly it's about snakes on a plane. What a perfect film to be able to make a cheap knock-off of. I say we help the The Asylum out.
I've created a poll with the titles/concepts for numerous potential SNAKES ON A PLANE rip-offs. The Asylum have a feature on their website where you can submit a treatment (a detailed synopsis outlining a film's plot) in hopes that they select it option it and make it into a movie. I want you to vote - the poll is open to everyone - and whichever title wins the poll, I'm going to dream up a short treatment for a film based around the title and submit it to The Asylum. I highly doubt they'll make it, and once they see my name attached to it they may very well print it out and burn it in effigy, but I still say we have some fun and go for it. You have your options. Surely one of these outlandish nature gone amok premises featuring small dangerous animals killing people trapped in a confined mode of transportation from which there is no easy escape. I ask everyone to take a moment to head over to my blog and cast a vote because, dammit, your vote could end up making movie history!
BLOG POLL LINK
