Friday the 13th Marathon Reviews

[Menard]

For some reason I got into the mood to watch some Friday the 13th movies. Being that Wal-mart had some on DVD for $4.88 during October, it made it easier to get a few.

I watched two which I had not see before; Jason Goes To Hell, and Jason X. I also watched one for the second time which was Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood.


Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood (A.K.A. When Jason Met Bernie...heh...heh)

After Jason's amazing Frankensteinish resurrection in Part 6, he is left at the bottom of Crystal Lake (it is amazing how much the lake changes through the series) in what is yet another lowbrow ending where he has a rock chained to his neck and dropped into the lake (he is just plainly too stupid to figure out how to slip a loose chain over his head).

Fast forward..uh...I mean let's take a trip back down memory lane as a little girl with psychic powers is upset at her father for striking her mother. She rows out into a lake (what a coincidence that it happens to be Crystal Lake) while her father stands on the dock calling to her. In a fit of rage (her powers only manifest under emotional stress) she causes the dock to collapse, sending her father to a watery grave.

Fast forward..uh..yea..yea..we can do that now. The young girl is now a teenager (of course with problems) who is going on a retreat with her mother back to Crystal Lake, under the supervision of a psychiatrist (Terry Kiser Weekend at Bernie's), to come to terms with her past (but really, we know there is an alternative and sinister plan at hand...uh...it's in the script).

Our heroine (look...I put an 'e' on the end of that, so enough with the jokes) in a depressed moment. walks out to the boat dock where the fateful event took place. She concentrates real hard, somehow trying to communicate with her father, somehow trying to reach out to make up for a past indiscretion, a moment of childhood rage bringing about a....uh...dang...I didn't recall her father wearing a hockey mask. Oh *guess this word and win nothing* girl; you brought back the wrong guy.

Throw in a handfull (now..now...don't get ahead of me) of stupid teenagers, a bad guy (not referring to Jason here), and a girl needing some luvin....uh dang...what am I forgetting...oh...that's right...the plot....as soon as I find it...I will report back.

What this Friday entry offers over any of the others is, well, not too much. It is basically a retread (the reader gasps in amazement) of what has already been done in the series, and not done as well. The murders in this entry are simply random acts of violence pieced together with a threadbare plot. What does save this from being as bad as parts 5 & 8 is the showdown between the psychic girl and Jason; which is kind of fun watching Jason get the crap kicked out of him by a petite girl.

Although some reviewers have considered the ending of this film to be the dumbest ending of any of the Friday films...uh...it really has a lot of competition, and part 8 really gets my vote.



Jason Goes To Hell

Jason has been feeling a little down. Nobody seems to like him. The world is such a cold place. He needs to feel some warmth. Hmmm...here's a suggestion....Jason *expletive deleted*.

Might I just comment on the wonderful casting for the FBI agent in the opening of this film. I was so impressed by her performance that I just had to rewatch the first few minutes over...and over...and over...

Where was I?

The men and women of the FBI are the backbone of law enforcement in this country. From dealing with events on a local level to international crimes which would invade the very soil of the country in which we live. Today, the FBI has devised a plot to bring down one of the greatest criminal masterminds of the 20th century. The FBI has our best interests at heart as no sacrifice is too great to protect the American people. Through a complicated series of negotiations and events....

...damn...wrong movie.

Basically the FBI baits Jason, lures him to their trap, and then blows the hell out of him (machine guns, RPGs; the works) in a scene that could appropriately be called 'Jason Goes To Pieces'.

Might I just take a moment to comment on the performance of the bait....

...Uh...scuse me...got distracted again.

Jason's remains are taken to (uh...Quantico?) a super secure FBI facility for processing (pay attention and you will notice that one of the security personnel is played by Kane Hodder). Alas, this is the end of Jason. He is no more. He has been blown to pieces...uh...why is his heart still beating? Why would that pathologist be enticed to start eating the heart? Uh...oh...dropped my soft drink...hang on for just a minute....


...Jason's back!!!


Well...sort of.

Haha...Jason has the ability to possess a host body and continue to make everybody's life a living hell, but, there is a catch: he can only control the body for so long before it gets too weak, so he must find a way to bring himself back by being reborn, which can only be done through a woman in the Voorhees bloodline......Roadtrip!

But there are no Voorhees descendents (obviously they have never been to Danville, Illinois).

Ah, but there are (it's in the script).

Jason Goes To Hell takes a considerable detour from the standard Friday plot and develops quite an entertaining movie that is more like Friday the 13th on steroids. The pace is pumped up and extra tension (okay...tension) is added by the plot device of Jason inhabiting a host body; as you don't know who is or is not a threat. Yes. it may be an incredibly stupid plot, but it works and is argueably the best of the Friday movies.

The addition of recognizable stars (Erin Gray, Steven Culp) adds to the movie even more. The one detraction is that Jason (Kane Hodder) is in only two parts of the movie as the rest of the time he is just possessing somebody else's body; but the parts he is in do make up for the absence.

*Jason Goes To Hell was the first of the series produce by New Line after they acquired the rights from Paramount. The New Line direction with the series has little continuity with what has come before, or even among their own Friday films. New Line, and Kane Hodder, pumped new life, for better or worse, into what would have been destined to be a post mortem series had it continued in the direction Paramount was taking it.


Jason X

"....Scotty, beam us up, there is no intelligent script down here..."

The year, by deduction, appears to be 2010. Jason has been captured, and is awaiting cryrogenic suspension. Alas, not every plan suceeds as some bueracratic *expletive deleted* a***ole (dang, deleted the wrong word) interferes with the legal proceeding for purley greedy purposes (don't worry, he gets what's coming to him very shortly). Jason, however, effects an escape and....aw shucks...you know what happens.

A quick thinking doctor (to be read as female and attractive) is able to lure Jason into the cryrogenic chamber, but, alas, gets trapped with him.

Fast forward...ha, I am using it corectly, this time...ah...where was I?

Okay, we now travel 450 years into the future and Earth is a barren and dead planet (must have been micro-managed by the same people who wrote this script). A salvage/scientific/profiteering/university team (making certain that all bases are covered) has discovered the chamber and its two inhabitants (here's an intelligent thought: let's thaw the big guy with the machete).

The doctor is revived, but her warning to the professor (professors in the future will be amazingly stupid and have a fondness for dressing in ladies lingerie) is ignored as he is more interested in what this famous serial killer from the 20th century would bring in financial reward (please notice the plot points: young, attractive heroine (there's a 'e'...there's an 'e'); bad guy with devious, usually greedy, plan; and littered with airheads).

Ah, but Jason is still frozen, he is......well hell....not if you are just going to leave him lying around on a table.

I don't think I need to spell out the plot. Just take one part Alien (with the intelligent crew off on vacation), one part Friday the 13th, and one part mostly characters you wish would die anyway; shake it up (shaken, not stirred please) and you have Jason X.

Much like New Line's previous effort with the series, the pace moves much better, and they have injected quite a bit of humor into this. Unlike Jason Goes To Hell This is not a very memorable film that is likely to be viewed more than once. And, might I just comment on one missing ingredient: Where the hell is the T&A?

*It appears as though in the last two films that Jason is no longer a zombie, but has somehow been transformed back into a living being with super abilities such as super regenerative capabilities. Uh...yea...that works.

[Mr_Vindictive]

Menard,

Great reviews my friend.  Good to know that someone else out there still cares about Jason.

Here are my thoughts:


F13 P7 - This one could have been so much better if the studio had let Beuchler have his way.  Apparently it is the most cut of any of the films and rumor has it that some of the stuff that was cut is quite brutal.  I'd love for the studio to release an uncut DVD of the film but I doubt it'll ever happen.

Jason Goes To Hell - This one is a personal favorite of mine.  I love the fact that they destroy Jason within the first five minutes and the fact that Jason can transfer from body to body.  This one has some decent humor in it, and I agree with you about the FBI agent....niiiiiice.  The only thing that bothers me about the film is that the FBI forms a circle around Jason in the beginning, and then proceeds to fire on him.  If it was a circle, wouldn't they have been also shooting at their own men?  Stupid....

Jason X - Love it, love it, love it, freakin love it!  Saw this one in the theater it's opening night, and I had an absolute blast.  I picked it up on DVD at Sam's Club recently for like 3.99 and it still holds up well in my opinion.  I love that Jason is now in space, hacking up people.  I could have done without Robocop Jason towards the end, but that's just a minor complaint.  The computer generated Crystal Lake is hilarious.  As for the T&A, we do get the robot naked (with a hilarious nipple scene) and the two computer generated chicks at the aforementioned Crystal Lake.

I could talk about Jason for hours and hours.  The bastard was and is my favorite slasher of all time.

[Menard]

I did not have any information on Part 7 (about it being cut), but that makes sense as it just so much seems like a TV version. There are scenes where it looks like they could have gone further, but just cut it short. I forgot to mention that Part 7 also gives William Butler an opportunity to be slain by yet another legendary slasher (referencing Leatherface: TCM 3).

Saw the R-rated version of JasonGTH. Would like to see the uncut version, especially if there is more of the FBI agent. JasonGTH is loaded with other dumb parts as well. When the FBI agent (bless her so much)  runs through the woods, she alternates between being barefoot and wearing hiking boots while she is running. The fact that the FBI is in a circle while firing on Jason just adds to the fun of the film.

Although I did enjoy Jason X, I was not as thrilled with it as I was with JasonGTH. I particularly did not like the android character and thought the best thing that happened to her was when Jason lopped off her head. There was a scene straight out of Part 3 when the injured security chief comes out of nowhere to distract Jason (remenber the barn scene in Part 3 when the biker comes out of the stall to distract Jason). The most disappointing part about Jason X is that it was Kane Hodder's last stint as Jason. I know it's primarily a big guy in a mask, but there are certain characteristics Hodder gave to his performance that others before him did not. Jason X about tops the list for the dumbest ending to a Friday film; the was truly a WTF moment.

[daveblackeye15]

I'm afraid I haven't seen any of those films...however I rather enjoyed Freddy vs. Jason.

[Menard]

Dave's education has been lacking.

Please, won't the members of the board contribute to this worthy cause?

If anybody has a spare Friday the 13th movie, or one they would just like to contribute, please send a copy to Dave.

Thank you for contributing to the 'Dave loses his virginity on Friday the 13th' cause.

This Cause Is Proudly Sponsered By:

This Space Available

That was mean, wasn't it.

[daveblackeye15]

Hey I've seen the earlier Friday movies but the later ones are a total blank to me.

I mean for once I went "it's gonna be the same except sucky."

I know shame on me.

[Menard]

daveblackeye15 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
 
> I mean for once I went "it's gonna be the same
> except sucky."

Up to part 8 Jason Takes Manhattan you would have been correct, it is just the same old retreads. I hesitated as well, but happened to have a copy of Jason Goes To Hell lying around and decided to watch it one day and thouroughly enjoyed it; which I had not enjoyed a Friday movie for some time.

[Andrew]

I enjoyed "Jason X."  Though turning a franchise in "in space" has become something of a given these days, (just look at "Dracula 3000" - that was barely trying, unlike "Lifeforce") it was a good break from the other Friday the 13th films.

Best part of the movie had to be the holodeck sex-starved, drug-smoking coeds who tempted Jason and then hide in their sleeping bags.  When I saw him swinging the bag around, beating it against the tree and the other bag, I laughed so hard I cried.

[Menard]

The sleeping bags scene was admittedly quite funny. The previous holodeck scene where Jason cuts the guy in half and the guy replies 'that doesn't count as a kill' is humorous as well. One of my favorite funny moments was when Jason grabs the security chief from behind the door and shoves a blade through his side; where he replies 'you think a poke in the ribs is gonna stop me?' (paraphrased); then Jason sticks another blade through him where he replies 'yep, that'll do it'. There was quite a bit of humor in Jason X

[Mr_Vindictive]

Menard,

My favorite kill from Jason X is where Jason impales the military guy on the huge drill bit.  He slowly slides down it to the bottom.  Later on another military person finds him and reports back that "He's Screwed".

HAHAHAHAHAHA......

I need a life..