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September 18, 2019, 07:06:12 AM
630507 Posts in 48793 Topics by 6648 Members
Latest Member: Filjak98 Forum  |  Information Exchange  |  Reader Comments  |  Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter « previous next »
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Author Topic: Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter  (Read 76627 times)
« Reply #15 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM »

What the holy gobs**te!**
Are you guys for real?! Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter was clearly the worst piece of junk I have ever witnessed. Movies with cheap sound and special effects usually get a laugh from me but this one was too much... there are boundaries to crappism, please, all who live for this film, get a life! it sucked!


It could have been a little bit funny if Jesus had kept his traditional robe and hairdoo but no... he goes and gets a lame-ass haircut and an ADIDAS jumpsuit or something, man this blew!
« Reply #16 on: November 03, 2002, 06:34:08 PM »

Wow.....still came up with this concept is a genious
« Reply #17 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM »

this is one of the best movies i have ever seen. i saw it the last day it was playing at The Mayfare in ottawa, and was hooked on it.
the movie is on DVD, and as far as i know it's available at Record Runner in Ottawa.
and yes, it has audio commentary
« Reply #18 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM »

Great show!  And BTW, the vampires may be able to swim - but the priests blessed the lake.  So it was suddenly holy water.

freakin brilliant.

And it's $20 cdn on VHS, that's what I've got it on....
Empereur GHOULE
« Reply #19 on: November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM »

Sorry to disappoint you guys and gals, but this movie really sucks.

I want my fourteen canadian bucks (I paid for my friend and I) back!!!!

No, seriously, how could you :

- Make Jesus have a haircut AFTER ONLY 10 MINUTES!?!!?! The only things which history left us about the man is it's own bearded and long-haired image!!?!?!!? Without that, he is nothing BUT AN ORDINARY CRAPPY GUY!??!!?

- Not respect the synopsis. There was no Final Judgement Day. There was no "once the vampires are killed, we will all live in Heaven" funny thing like this. Everything happened like NOBODY cared.

- [BADLY] Post-synchronize all of the voices?!?!?! It's awful.

- Edit 85 minutes of a scenario helding no more than 15 minutes of content? You really stretched most of the scenes too far. Make a short movie of it and I will say : GREAT! A long feature only drags on and on.

And my negative comments could go on and on too. Seriously, I think it's sad such a great idea could have been
destroyed only because of incredibly bad decision making.
I know JCVH ghouls and gals worked hard on this project, but you know, sometimes, it's NOT a good idea to DIRECT and EDIT your movie.

The director really should make another version with an editor able to distance itself from the shooting and the images themselves.

It can really be done better than this.
Some Guy
« Reply #20 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM »

I now have the pleasure of owning this on DVD.  I've been waiting a while to see it, and I must say it's everything I expected it to be (except the dubbed voices, but that just adds to it)  I mean, hell, it's better than the Star Wars Holiday Special.  It was once referred to as an instant cult classic -  I agree, if not for the Juses Kung Fu, then God as a bowl of Ice Cream
« Reply #21 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM »

NO!!!  This is the worst movie ever.  I have to now go buy it for my friend, the B movie buff.  I don't even think the sound, plot, or acting is good enough for a B rating.  It's definityly an F.  Completely laughable.  
« Reply #22 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM »

This is one of the funniest movies i've seen.  Everyone should buy it.  You can get it on amazon for like 10 bucks.
Mr. Peabody
« Reply #23 on: November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM »

I literally had to turn this movie off at minute #30. Not because it's bad, which it is, but because I was laughing so hard I could not funtion as a human being. I couldn't eat, talk, or even breathe. Desperately, I want to watch the rest of it, but I need about two hours to pause for fits of laughter.
Everything that has been written above is true, and then some. Horrible script, acting, wardrobe, editing, it's all there. The audio sounds like it's dubbed in English, from English, but it's about 1/2 second out of sync and the exact wording doesn't match. It's got the 80's-style makeover sequence of Jesus. It's got stop-motion violence like the Benny Hill Show. A mohawked priest riding shotgun on a moped. And the spinning cross that sings "Jeeeeesus" between scenes, oh don't even get me started on that. Dear Lord, this movie is so absolutely putrid it has come full-circle and is now a 'Work of Art' in my book. It is the funniest thing I have ever seen.

« Reply #24 on: May 07, 2004, 10:59:36 AM »

...There are no words. *weeps for joy*
« Reply #25 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:49 PM »

This is a BAD is so bad it is good!  My kids and I laughed our way through some of the funniest scenes in movie history....from the toothpicks as stakes in the heart to the incredible sounds a person makes when they are hit ... this movie was too much!  The only problem with all this is that the movie was never intended to be a comedy!  ;)

Did anyone else notice the incredible amount of blood that comes from a vampire's mouth when he is staked with either a toothpick or dart.  WOW!

If you accomplish nothing else in your lives...see this movie just once!  We caught it on Scream Channel and it was well worth it.
« Reply #26 on: November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM »

Everyone should see this movie, but don't take it for what it seems to be trying to be.  I absolutely loved it, because of how horrible it was.  I couldn't stop laughing at it.  How about the first line in the movie, "Where have all the lesbians gone?"  It really did go downhill from there.

« Reply #27 on: November 25, 2006, 04:09:03 PM »

Oh my god! A movie about Jesus hunting vampires is BLASPHEMOUS? Who would have thought?

Anyway, this movie is great. A hit at parties and catholic funerals. Recommended!
« Reply #28 on: December 08, 2003, 06:42:05 PM »

This is the greatest piece of cinimatography ever produced!!  I SMELL AN OSCAR!!
« Reply #29 on: November 25, 2006, 04:10:12 PM »

It's fun, but in all fairness it's one gimmic stretched beyond its limits.  If you don't have buddies to MST3K it with, the movie will drag on.  Nonetheless, it has quite a few quoteable lines, such as "Where have all the lesbians gone.", and that Maria Moulton as Mary Magnum... daa-amn!  She smiles way too much for any sane person, but she provides a dazzling presence in JCVH.
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