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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Information Exchange  |  Movie Reviews  |  Things I learned from watching Caligula (1979) « previous next »
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Author Topic: Things I learned from watching Caligula (1979)  (Read 2575 times)
Fausto
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« on: March 21, 2007, 12:15:17 PM »

I decided to rent this out of morbid curiosity, as it kept poping up whenever I checked imdb for some of the more bizzare films that I intended to see. The best way to describe this movie is to imagine taking the biblical fantasy sequences from A Clockwork Orange and stretching them out into a full length feature. Despie having a cast of accomplished british actors (Including Malcom McDowell, Helen Mirren and John Gielgud) the film contains an obscene amount of full frontal nudity (which can be good or bad, depending on your tastes) and a moderate amount of violence. I dont feel like doing a full review, so I'll just say What I learned from Caligula:

* Back in the day, all forms of clothing were optional

* Its not uncommon to find people with two faces and three eyes

* Never eat something unless someone taste-tests it for you, especially if you happen to occupy a position of authority

* Ancient Romans had very interesting methods of execution (ie, giant moving wall/lawnmowers)

* In certain places, childbirth is considered a spectator event

* A city can earn money by whoring out its trophy wives

* Lavacious is a real word and if used in a sentence can make the user sound more intellegent

* Its much safer and easier to wage war against a stagnant body of water, as opposed to a rival army

* Boats dont necessarily have to go anywhere, as long as there are people rowing

* Never trust a guy whose name is Longinus and whose head looks like the tip of a p***s

* If you dont want anyone messing with your woman, make sure her guards are gay and castrated

* Contrary to popular belief, circumcision was very common in ancient Rome

* You dont get any action from your new bride until the emperor takes what he wants from both of you (and I mean that exactly how it sounds)

* If your emperor tells you to eat, you damn well better do it
« Last Edit: April 01, 2007, 11:02:16 PM by Fausto » Logged

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Joe the Destroyer
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« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2007, 04:08:07 AM »

If I go to ancient Rome, I'll be well prepared... I hope...
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LegionOfPuppets
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« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2007, 03:25:40 PM »

This is a great movie. I dont remember the infamous horse scene though.
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nycalling
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« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2007, 10:21:00 PM »

The Joe D'Amato version I think... Twirling
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DodgingGrunge
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Consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.


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« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2007, 01:14:42 PM »

Caligula taught me that sometimes, simply running the #2 skin mag in the country and being surrounded by beautiful women day and night isn't enough.  Sometimes you have to expand your empire into historical fiction.  And sometimes that costs $17.5M and proves more pornographic than educational.  But damn it, thank you Bob Guccione!  You have inspired me to follow my dreams!  TeddyR
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Scott
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« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2007, 03:34:42 PM »

Caligula taught me that sometimes, simply running the #2 skin mag in the country and being surrounded by beautiful women day and night isn't enough.  Sometimes you have to expand your empire into historical fiction.  And sometimes that costs $17.5M and proves more pornographic than educational.  But damn it, thank you Bob Guccione!  You have inspired me to follow my dreams!  TeddyR


 BounceGiggle

You have to admit CALIGULA was a good film.

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DodgingGrunge
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« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2007, 05:02:12 PM »

You have to admit CALIGULA was a good film.

Oh, but of course!  Caligula is a wonderfully bad film, near and dear to my heart.  Rivaled only in its historical inaccuracies by the 3D opus Hard Candy (and no, I don't mean the 2005 film about the pedophile).  I got to see HC on the big screen, with glasses, at midnite in Chicago's historic Music Box Theatre.  What a riot!  My memory is kind of hazy as to the specifics, but somehow some Roman guards find a time warp and end up in 1970s America.  I think there was an evil plot to make an irresistible aphrodisiac candy or something.  Whatever.  Drink
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