B Movies have been a guilty pleasure of mine since I was a teenager.
I try to stay away from the really raunchy ones now, but there is nothing like a badly-written, low-budget horror film with an untalented cast to make me break out into torrents of laughter!!!
I have surfed thru some of this forum (not all, that would take a week or more!) over the last couple of days, and I have noticed two of my all-time favorite "Golden Turkey" choices that no one has mentioned, so I thought I would throw them out for consideration by the learned members of this august panel.
First of all, perhaps the dumbest, funniest, and all around most awful martial arts/fantasy/sci-fi film EVER made, "The Lost Empire." I'm not sure what year it was made, I first saw it along about 1985 or so and had a copy on VHS for years, until my VCR ate it. This movie had it all:
- a large female cast whose IQ was smaller than their bra size
- a mysterious medallion with supernatural powers
- a prison riot and fight at an all-women's penitentary
- the cheesiest dialect of all time ("I'll murderize ya!" shrieked the severed head of one villain)
- a fat bald guy with disappearing and re-appearing bushy eyebrows
- and the best line ever, from a ditzy blonde who has just smashed a tarantula that crawled into her bead, revealing that its insides were made of wire and gizmos: "I hate Robot Spiders!!"
Trust me, if you haven't seen this one, you need to!
Then there is an incredible gem that is simply the worst movie I have ever seen,
"Ninja Bachelor Party". Although this film never actually features a bachelor party, its incredibly dumb plot (Charlie, a recovering teenage Robutussin addict,
loses his girlfriend to the leader of a local bicycle gang, and goes to Korea to learn to become a Ninja and defeat the evil bicycle gang leader, who also happens to teach the local karate school) is enhanced by the fact that the whole thing is shot with a camcorder by two high school kids, and that they actually dubbed in their own voices for all the characters! That, and the Korean Ninja Master is an American teenager in a coolie hat with a white cardboard moustache about a foot wide glued to his upper lip. I LOVE this movie! How it made it into the video stores I will never know.
As far as movies that were just honestly painful for me to sit through, my most recent traumatic experience with a mainstream movie would have to be the fashion industry expose, "Ready to Wear", from sometime in the 1990's. It's painfully bad despite an all-star cast. And as for Brain Damage Film's "Pony Trouble" (I think that's the title - it might be "A Pony Problem" - it is simply, unspeakably awful. I needed therapy after that one.
Looking forward to a long, fun association with this fine forum.
