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Latest Member: SalpetL Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  Chuck Norris: The D & D character. « previous next »
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Author Topic: Chuck Norris: The D & D character.  (Read 1452 times)
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema

Karma: 535
Posts: 5275

« on: July 02, 2007, 09:36:20 PM »

A friend of mine forwarded this to me. I hadn't seen it before but as a Chuck Norris fan, I found it to be quite funny.

 Chuck Norris: the Roundhousing


Name: Chuck Norris



Strength:5 Dexterity:5 Stamina:5

Charisma:3 Manipulation:2 Appearance:3

Perception:4 Intelligence:3 Wits:5



Alertness:4, Athletics:5 Brawl:5, Dodge:5 Expression:3 Intimidation:5

Drive:3, Firearms:4, Martial Arts (Hard Style):10, Martial Arts (Soft Style):10, Melee:5 Performance:4, Stealth:4, Survival:4

Academics:1, Finance:3, Investigation:4, Law:4, Linguistics:2, Medicine:3, Science:3



Allies:3, Destiny:5, Fame:4, Influence:2, Legend:5, Resources:4


Other Traits

Celerity (10 extra actions that occur at the end of the turn after you declare use of the power):10, Chucknorristus (see below):10, Fortitude (10 extra soak dice that can be applied to any soak roll):10, Potence (10 automatic successes on all Strength rolls, including damage rolls):10


Merits/Flaws: Insensible to Pain (+5), True Faith (+7)


Humanity: 7





-Destiny: To reign as the world's greatest kicker of ass for one thousand years.

-Influence: The threat of a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris could end global wars, but thus far Chuck Norris is too busy kicking ass to end war forever.

-Legend: The legendary figure tied to Chuck Norris’ Legend background is Chuck Norris. Whenever Chuck Norris kicks ass or engages in another ultra-manly endeavor, roll his Legend background against a difficulty of 6 (or more in places where few or no people have heard of Chuck Norris, a rare place indeed) and Chuck Norris gains a point of quintessence for each success. By spending a point of quintessence, Chuck Norris may cause one attack to do pattern damaging, aggravated damage.

-Chuck Norris used to have the military force background, until it was discovered that all ten dots represented only Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris can soak aggravated and lethal damage with Stamina.

-Celerity use costs nothing for Chuck Norris. He routinely uses this power to prepare for the day in one minute before going out to kick ass.

-Chuck Norris' True Faith is in Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris is, despite having antediluvian level expertise in certain disciplines, a mortal. Being embraced by any vampire other than Caine would weaken Chuck Norris, but even Caine would have problems embracing Chuck Norris, as Chuck Norris' red and white blood cells can perform devastating roundhouse kicks.

-The Chucknorristus discipline adds one automatic success per dot to attack and damage rolls. Only Chuck Norris can learn Chucknorristus. Vampires who try to learn Chucknorristus are roundhouse kicked from within by powers they can not handle.

-Chuck Norris does not appear to be either human or unnatural to a hunter’s second sight. Instead he registers as”bad ass.”


Equipment: Whatever Chuck Norris needs, Chuck Norris has. At all times.



Secrets of Chuck Norris in the World of Darkness


-You know the spirit nuke that destroyed the Ravnos antediluvian? It was ineffective. What really ended the Week of Nightmares was that Chuck Norris was in the area, had too much curry, bent over and aimed at the antediluvian because it was giving Chuck Norris s**t.


-The Garou Nation's back up plan for dealing with the Red Star is to give Chuck Norris a baseball bat and ask him to whack Anthelios out of the Milky Way.


-Recent discoveries in the Akashic Record indicate that in a past life, Chuck Norris founded the Akashic Brotherhood and created the art of Do. In retrospect, this should not have surprised anyone.


-All of Chuck Norris' bathroom fixtures were made by grabbing powerful Earthbound demons out of their reliquaries and forcing them into sinks, toilets and showerheads.


-The Orpheus Group once had a problem with Lovecraftian monster and hired Chuck Norris to deal with the problem. Upon round housing the monster, Chuck Norris took his pay in the form of 99% of the company's stock. Orpheus considered it a bargain.


-Chuck Norris can eat gold and silver, then crap primium. The Sons of Ether and Iteration X both learned how to make the material by studying Chuck Norris' digestive system.


-Whenever Chuck Norris goes camping, the Red Talons hastily change their rhetoric from "Kill all humans" to "Kill all humans except Chuck Norris."


-Once, when Chuck Norris was in a good mood, he challenged and thoroughly beat an entire corby of Russian Redcaps to an epic eating contest rather than round housing them. This is where most of the lost Soviet nuclear stockpile went. Then he roundhoused them all in the gut.


-The reason Lucifer hasn't shown himself to the other demons is because he once p**sed Chuck Norris off and fears the day when Chuck Norris finally finds him.


-Watching Chuck Norris do a round house kick causes infernalists to realize there are some things more terrible than hell.


-When women dream of Chuck Norris, they unknowingly create chimera capable of kicking the banality out of any of the Autumn People.


-In the Age of Sorrows (which didn't happen if you're not mixing Exalted into your WoD cosmology), statues of the Unconquered Sun looked almost exactly like Chuck Norris.


-Though the Messengers tried to imbue Chuck Norris first, he refused until they allowed him to create his own creed.


-There were once thirty clans of vampire, as the commentary in the Book of Nod speculates, but that was before Chuck Norris came on to the scene.


-The Technocracy has created a model of HIT-Mark called the CN-1000, but have not yet used it for fear of violating copyrights held by Chuck Norris.


-A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris is one of the few things that can permanently kill a mummy.


-The gates to Arcadia were thrown open during the Resurgence not because of the moon landing, but due to Chuck Norris sucker punching a hippie so hard that he tore a hole in time and space.


-Chuck Norris does not fear paradox. Paradox fears Chuck Norris.


-High King David isn't missing. He's really studying martial arts under Chuck Norris.


-It was Chuck Norris who goaded White Wolf into suing Sony over Underworld. Not because he felt that copyrights were being violated, but because he felt that the term "death dealers" was for his arms and legs exclusively.



"There is no way out of here. It'll be dark soon. There is no way out of here."
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« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2012, 10:21:10 PM »

This is great.   Thumbup Thumbup Thumbup Thumbup Cheers Cheers Cheers Cheers

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