Recent viewings

[Jack]

The Burning (1981) - I guess a lot of people consider this a classic slasher, I thought it was just okay.  Very much in the style of Friday the 13th, some kids at summer camp are killed off by a horribly disfigured slasher.  At least the Friday movies focused on the counselors, who were a bit more mature, but this is all about the kids.  The only characters that are even the least bit developed are a weird little perv and a total a-hole.  Not much in the way of sympathy for their plight, to say the least.  The whole thing takes place in broad daylight, which really kills any chance at atmosphere or suspense.  And the killer has a weird way of doing impossible things.  In one scene, some kids are on a raft, and paddle up to a canoe.  Suddenly the killer is standing on the raft.  How the heck did he get up there?  In another scene, he kills a girl in a sleeping bag, then crawls in there next to her.  When her boyfriend comes along, not only does he not notice that there are two people in the sleeping bag, but when he opens it up, the killer is instantly standing up.  Huh?  Anyhow, it's certainly not a bad slasher, just not anything above average.  Three stars out of five.

[Psycho Circus]

Wake Of The Red Witch (1948)

Set in the early 1860s, John Wayne stars as a 19th century sea captain out for revenge against a wealthy shipping magnate in this 1948 offering from Republic Pictures. Wayne plays Captain Ralls with a convincing bitterness, and his grim portrayal of Ralls hits a high point when Ralls purposely wrecks his enemy's prize treasure ship. Gail Russell delivers a memorable performance as the tragic Angelique. Gig Young stands out as a crewman who eventually learns the truth about Ralls. I don't usually sit through films this old, but I did and I liked it very much, the story was simple and the acting was top notch - plus Gail Russell was beautiful! 4/5

[Rev. Powell]

MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939):  An honest rube of a boy scout leader is appointed senator and sent to Washington where he uncovers political corruption, which he defeats using "Robert's Rules of Order."  Some great moments, both subtle and crowd-pleasing, although in the end this sappy civics lesson is too blatantly manipulative to rank as a real classic.  4/5.  (Disclaimer: Frank Capra's corny optimism really rubs me the wrong way, though I admit he can tell a good story). 

[Pilgermann]

I watched Waxwork and Waxwork II last night (they're both on FearNet On Demand if you happen to have that available from your cable service).  They're mostly a bunch of nonsense but are very entertaining films.  I'm gonna have to pick up a copy of the DVD sometime.

I started to watch Eaten Alive a short while ago but I stopped about 30 minutes into it.  It's so damned unpleasant and annoying!  I might finish later if I have nothing better to do.

[JaseSF]

Koyaanisqatsi (1983): This film, directed by Godfrey Reggio, is basically just a collection of images following one another that with a lot of help from the music of composer Philip Glass, symbolizes man's movement away from the natural world towards a world in which technology is practically everywhere.

I have to say at least this made me think. What struck me is the movement of humanity, basically in circles where we all basically become cogs in a machine ourselves...each fulfilling some function. Lives spent going and coming, but most never truly doing anything significant. Some unique visual perspectives and some interesting little tricks using signs in the background are things worth keeping one's eyes on the look out. Still I'm sure there's many who will think this is a pile of crap...just sped up everyday footage. For me personally, the cinematography and music make for an interesting viewing experience likely to make an unique impression upon different viewers. Still this is very "artsy" so be warned if you hate that kinda stuff. *** out of *****

The Canterville Ghost (1996) Neve Campbell and her dysfunctional family move into an haunted English castle belonging to the Canterville clan. There she must deal with the ghost of Sir Simon de Canterville (played by Patrick Stewart) whose curse it is to roam the castle and its grounds at night not to mention perhaps even worse a disbelieving father whose convinced it's actually Campbell herself whose faking the haunting in hopes her family will want to leave and return her to all her friends back in America.

This actually turns out to be an entertaining family friendly movie. Stewart and Campbell both prove enjoyable in their roles and for the most part, the movie doesn't descend into syrupy territory. There's some good humor and for very young kids, there might even be a fright or two. Still this will prove much too tame I suspect for most serious horror fans. I liked it for what it was even if it did remind me of a Disney TV movie. **1/2 out of *****

Charlie Chan and the Curse of the Dragon Queen (1981): Despite having a very impressive cast including Peter Ustinov as Charlie Chan, Richard Hatch as # 1 Grandson Lee Chan Jr., Roddy McDowall as a demented butler in a wheelchair, Michelle Pfeffier as Lee Chan's clueless girlfriend/fiancee, Angie Dickinson as the Dragon Queen and Lee Grant as Lee's demented mother, this film never lives up to its potential and pretty much is an unfunny disaster. The whole idea of turning Charlie Chan into a comedy was bad to begin with but this film just gets more and more messed up and confused as it goes along. That said, it has many of those so bad as you've just got to see them to believe them moments (Richard Hatch as a walking disaster reminscent of Jackie Chan, he and Michelle Pfeiffer in the face of peril calming a savage dog with "Happy Birthday" ?! and more). In the end though, there's way too many ridiculously overlong ridiculous chase sequences which prove this film's biggest flaw. ** out of ***** stars. That said, the extras on the American Cinema DVD are pretty good entertainment in themselves and in fact prove far more entertaining than the film itself including a look at the history of the American Cinema company that put out many classic B-movies such as THE OCTAGON and GOOD GUYS WEAR BLACK in the late 70s and early 80s.

Creepers (1985): Well first off, I still need to see the more complete PHENOMENA version of this movie as the CREEPERS version I watched, put out on DVD by Legacy Entertainment is a much shortened version. That said, this starts off like your basic slasher with a female tourist left behind on a bus tour winding up in a place she sure wishes she hadn't. Eventually it moves to student Jennifer Connelly and entomologist Donald Pleasance teaming up once Jennifer discovers she has unlikely control over insects to find the gruesome killer who's been killing girls in the area and leaving body parts behind. The first half of this actually proves enjoyable as the mystery builds up. That said, the conclusion ends up being a big disappointment going the pretty much expected Friday the 13th-esque route. Of course, one could tell there's more missing from this story and one does wonder if the more complete version of PHENOMENA wouldn't have fleshed the movie out better and moved things along at a better pace. Of course it might not have and may in fact have proved every bit as disappointing in terms of its ending. Whatever the case, this made me curious enough I'd like to find out. ** out of *****

[Rev. Powell]

GRAVEYARD ALIVE: A ZOMBIE NURSE IN LOVE (2003): This low-budget movie tells the story of a mousy nurse who finds her sexual calling after being bitten by a zombie, and infects the rest of the hospital. Filmed in black and white, with poorly synched dialogue added later, this shows some talent and style but ultimately the blend of horror, comedy, camp, and arthouse visuals fails to work.  Still, it's obvious the folks involved had fun making it, and the audience they had in mind was probably the people on this board.  Brief male nudity and minimal gore.  2/5 stars.

[indianasmith]

I saw that.  It could have been so much better, but it was still funny.

[Jack]

Incubus - Tara Reid and friends have a car crash out on a back road.  As they're walking back to the highway, they come across an industrial building and decide to break in to use the phone.  They find some dead bodies inside, and of course they can't get out.  Then they find a guy in a glass room, he's a psycho killer and he has mind control powers.  This had excellent atmosphere, the cinematography was great and really set the mood.  Unfortunately the script was utterly retarded, some of the dialog just took me completely out of the movie and left me wondering how damned stupid the screenwriter could possibly be.  Acting was so-so, Tara Reid looked cute and the rest of the characters were just sort of there.  I found it impossible to get involved with this thing after some of that ridiculous dialog.  2 out of 5.

[Fishasaurus]

Hard Candy
Shikoku
A Tale Of Two Sisters
Unknown Island
Lost Continent

[Jack]

Madman (1982) - pretty much a straight Friday the 13th rip off, except all the male characters have apparently just attended a sensitivity training seminar (some of the dialog will make you gag), and the lead female is one of those people who's soooooo nice it makes you want to give her a good boot in the a$$.  First she b***hes out her boyfriend for singing a scary song around the campfire, then she chastises the head counselor for telling a scary story, saying it made the little kids cry.  Never mind that there were no crying little kids, in fact there's about 8 counselors and only 4 kids, but whatever.  Yup, a real fun bunch to spend 90 minutes of your life with.  They're stalked, and thankfully killed, by Madman Marz, world's slowest serial killer.  Any movement at all on the part of the intended victim leaves the Madman clutching at empty air.  A person has to stand still for a good 30 seconds for Marz to have any chance, and even then he may very well lose his train of thought and go wandering off into the woods.  The whole thing takes place in the woods at night, and they've got it lit up like it's almost daylight.  In one scene, after we're shown a clock letting us know it's midnight, someone's walking outside and you can see the sky is nice and red, like it's sunup or perhaps sundown.  I guess it has some suspense in the second half, but still a very weak and overly cheesy effort.  2 out of 5.

[Torgo]

SEED   * out of ****

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS  **1/2 out of ****

IRON MAN   ***1/2 out of ****

[Jack]

Heartstopper (2006)  - A psycho killer is executed in prison, of course, they have a hard time electrocuting him but he eventually seems to die.  At the same time, our lead female character is contemplating suicide - she's a slut and all the girls who's boyfriends she's slept with are picking on her.  So after her unsuccessful suicide attempt, she's taken to a hospital.  The same hospital that the serial killer is taken to for his autopsy.  Of course he comes back to life, kills just about everybody, and chases the girl and another young kid around the hospital.  This was pretty good.  Nothing great but it had decent atmosphere, decent characters, and an okay plot.  The ending was a bit unbelievable, but otherwise it's a perfectly enjoyable waste of 90 minutes.  3 out of 5.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003 remake) - Some kids are driving through Texas on their was to a Skynyrd concert.  They pick up a hitchhiker, and she kills herself in their van.  They call the cops, the sheriff (R. Lee Ermey) turns out to be one of the planet's larger a$$ holes, and as if that isn't bad enough, one of the sheriff's family members happens to like to chop up people with a chainsaw.  I love this movie, it's probably the scariest movie I've ever seen.  Very good acting, great plot, great atmosphere, keeps you on the edge of your seat the whole time.  Of course it isn't perfect, but about the only real problem I have with it is the over reliance on the cliché of the final girl being really good.  They could have made her a normal person very easily, and it would have made the movie darned near perfect.  5 out of 5.

[Andrew]

Winterbeast - Confusing, though the stop-motion monsters were cool.  The huge rotting vulture/turkey monster was great.  However, when the stop-motion monsters were not on the screen the result was pretty rough.  Watching the short "about" interview explained why: they were never able to finish shooting.

Future War - Time-traveling cyborgs abduct humans (who only speak Bible) and dinosaurs from Earth's past.  Then one of the human slaves get loose in Los Angeles.  The cyborgs and dinosaurs chase him.  People wear a lot of flannel shirts and the set manager obviously wanted to get his money's worth out of the empty cardboard boxes that were purchased.

Chinese Super Ninja - Ninjas destroy a martial arts school.  The only survivor studies to learn the Japanese art and take revenge.  Lots of quirky ninja powers (like hiding inside latex trees and burrowing underground).

[Rev. Powell]

MARY SHELLEY'S FRANKENSTEIN (1994): Dr. Frankenstein creates a new life from stitched together corpses, and his ungrateful monster haunts him, seeking revenge for making him an outcast abomination. A well-intentioned, if occasionally sloppy, attempt to tell the story as Mary Shelley originally wrote it, but mainly it illustrates why Universal chose to dramatically simplify the story when making the classic 1931 adaptation.  Branagh's script does bring out some of the more philosphical elements in Shelley's story--it's a fascinating concept to allow the creature to confront his maker and ask, "Why?"--but it doesn't seem to know whether it wants to be a literary adaptation, or a horror movie (should have gone the literary route, 'cause it's not good at being a horror movie).  Helena Bonham Carter does make a suprisingly cute corpse.  3/5.

THE HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND (1960): A dozen female dancers are stranded on a tropical island infested by a radioactive spider whose bite turns the male manager into a raving spider-man.  Then the spider dies and bleeds claymation blood. (?) This bizarre, badly dubbed, seemingly improvised catalogue of 1960s male chauvinist fantasies is a treat for admirers of the Ed Wood school of filmmaking.  It doesn't make you say, "They don't make 'em like this anymore!" so much as "I can't believe they EVER made 'em like this."  Wouldn't be surprised if this near-classic bad movie was in Andrew's review queue.  3/5.

[Jack]

The Zero Boys (1986) - This starts out like a teen action adventure movie, with some people engaged in a serious game of paint ball.  Except it's made to seem as if they're using real guns, until the end where all the "dead" people get up and start walking around.  The Zero Boys are a paint ball team, and after winning the game, they take their girlfriends out to the woods for some partying.  When they arrive, they catch glimpses of a girl running through the woods, and hear screams.  They find a cabin and search for her there, but since they can't find her, they decide to stay at the cabin and party.  Now the movie turns into a slasher, with an unknown number of bad guys lurking about.  They've got video equipment set up in the barn, and play a video of the mysterious girl being tortured.  Eventually the kids get in their truck and try to drive away, but the bad guys have booby trapped the road.  So they proceed on foot through the woods, running into an occasional trap set by the bad guys.  Overall I'd have to say this was pretty good for a teen slasher.  The characters were quite well developed, they were certainly a likable bunch, and the atmosphere in the dark woods was top notch.  Quite a few shots of the kids silhouetted against the fog in the background, very cool.  On the down side, it had all the utterly illogical nonsense you'd expect from a movie aimed at teens, which made it really hard to take anything seriously.  However, I'd still count it as somewhat of a lost gem.  For such an old, obscure movie, the DVD is exceptional, obviously mastered from a pristine original print, and there's a nice Dolby pro logic surround track to boot.