Recent viewings

[Jack]

Nine Miles Down (2009) - so this security guy gets sent to a remote site in the desert where a nine mile deep hole has been drilled into a cavern that hasn't been opened for hundreds of millions of years.  Eighteen people worked at the site but contact with them was lost and he needs to find out what happened. He meets a hot babe who seems rather unconcerned with the plight of her missing companions and just wants to get out of there. But of course he's ordered to stay, and then evil things start happening. The first half of this was real good, it had an intriguing plot and the visuals were excellent, especially when he was driving his jeep around at night in a sandstorm. Great horror movie atmosphere. But then the second half was just this guy having one scary hallucination after another. They tried to surprise you with some plot "twists" but you could see them coming a mile away. And if you actually thought about it for a few seconds, the twist rendered everything that came before it illogical.

Sigh...could have been really good if they'd just kept going with the first half. 3/5.

[Trevor]

Nine Miles Down (2009) - so this security guy gets sent to a remote site in the desert where a nine mile deep hole has been drilled into a cavern that hasn't been opened for hundreds of millions of years.  Eighteen people worked at the site but contact with them was lost and he needs to find out what happened. He meets a hot babe who seems rather unconcerned with the plight of her missing companions and just wants to get out of there. But of course he's ordered to stay, and then evil things start happening. The first half of this was real good, it had an intriguing plot and the visuals were excellent, especially when he was driving his jeep around at night in a sandstorm. Great horror movie atmosphere. But then the second half was just this guy having one scary hallucination after another. They tried to surprise you with some plot "twists" but you could see them coming a mile away. And if you actually thought about it for a few seconds, the twist rendered everything that came before it illogical.

Sigh...could have been really good if they'd just kept going with the first half. 3/5.

 

When I googled that title, the page showed me not only that title but also a link to a blog called "I watch an [expletive deleted] film so you don't have to" 

[lester1/2jr]

Here's the Teenape goes to Camp trailer. I briefly raised this movie to a 3/5 because it does have a certain ridiculous z grade bottom the barrel quality not unlike Bill Zeebub's "worst horror movie ever made" but then I took it away because I realized how racist having a white guy with an ape mask talking like he's black is so still 2/5

http://youtu.be/u6yt9eSMLWo
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[FatFreddysCat]

"Bonnie and Clyde" (1967)

http://youtu.be/3ACCpXaA-MU
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Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway portray the famed pair of Depression era bank robbers - who become unlikely folk heroes - in Arthur Penn's classic that set new standards for onscreen violence. It's actually pretty tame by today's standards but it's still an interesting period piece with great performances. Also, Faye Dunaway was sssssssmokin' hot back then! :D

[indianasmith]

Tonight I watched CAMP MASSACRE, a silly, fun horror/comedy about a slasher on the loose at a "fat camp" reality show.
Gallons of fake blood, boobs (several), sweaty fat guys, whiny celebrities, death by turkey leg, death by funnel cake, grossout
candy concealment, and  LOTS of bad fat jokes.  As a Bad Movie I have to give this one a 5/5!!!

MUST WATCH recommendation!

[Jack]

Nine Miles Down (2009) - so this security guy gets sent to a remote site in the desert where a nine mile deep hole has been drilled into a cavern that hasn't been opened for hundreds of millions of years.  Eighteen people worked at the site but contact with them was lost and he needs to find out what happened. He meets a hot babe who seems rather unconcerned with the plight of her missing companions and just wants to get out of there. But of course he's ordered to stay, and then evil things start happening. The first half of this was real good, it had an intriguing plot and the visuals were excellent, especially when he was driving his jeep around at night in a sandstorm. Great horror movie atmosphere. But then the second half was just this guy having one scary hallucination after another. They tried to surprise you with some plot "twists" but you could see them coming a mile away. And if you actually thought about it for a few seconds, the twist rendered everything that came before it illogical.

Sigh...could have been really good if they'd just kept going with the first half. 3/5.

 

When I googled that title, the page showed me not only that title but also a link to a blog called "I watch an [expletive deleted] film so you don't have to" 

LOL, his review is pretty much spot on, I especially agree with this part:

It’s at this point the viewer may begin to craft theories that the woman is not all that she seems and I swear to God that’s what the film was going for too, at some stage, because otherwise almost everything she says and does for most of the film makes absolutely no sense.

That's what I meant when I said the plot twist rendered everything that came before it illogical.  They try to make that girl out to be a demon in the guise of a beautiful woman, but when it's reveled that she's not, I'm like "Hey wait a minute, now all her actions up to this point don't make a damned bit of sense."   

I have to give [expletive delted] movies a 3/5 though because I watch so much stuff that's way worse than that 

[Jack]

The Rift (1990) - so this experimental submarine goes missing but luckily there's another one just like it, so R. Lee Ermey and his crew of boring scientists (and a comedy relief guy I was hoping would die) are sent to find out what happened. They discover an underwater cave with some cool stuff inside. This could have probably been a good movie in more capable hands, but it's just so cliched and artless in its execution; things happen that should be interesting, but there's no intrigue. Things happen that should be exciting, but it's just going through the motions. 3/5 for a few minutes worth of cool special effects inside the cave.

[Rev. Powell]

THIS FILTHY EARTH (2001): A cruel framer destroys young Francine's poor but idyllic life when he marries her sister for her land. An unsuccessful attempt to adapt Emile Zola's "The Earth," full of experimental touches that are sometimes interesting but don't really suit the material. 2.5/5.

[JaseSF]

Only with Married Men (1974): Attorney Dave Andrews (David Birney) becomes enamored with new client Jill Garrett (Michele Lee) only bachelor Dave has a problem - Jill claims to only be interested in dating unhappily married men. So Dave pretends to be married and poses as the Dad in his law firm partner Murray (Dom DeLuise)'s family. Lots of comedic mix-ups occur.

This feels like an overlong TV pilot for a potential TV series. It was a TV film produced by Spelling-Goldberg. There are some likable actors playing these characters (including DeLuise, John Astin, Judy Carne, Gavin MacLeod) which is the best thing going for this. This are a few scattered amusing moments here and there akin somewhat to TV series of this era (most of the best bits involve DeLuise and Carne as the real married couple helping Dave, the wife much more reluctantly). Sadly though, almost all the characters feel like complete stereotypes and this is no great shakes. It's mostly forgettable fluff. **1/2 out of ***** stars.

Rescue from Gilligan's Island (1978): We return to the adventures of the now somewhat older castaways of the S.S. Minnow featuring mostly the original cast, with only Tina Louise being replaced as Ginger by Judith Baldwin. This story sees them facing the peril of a great storm which may also prove the way for them to finally be rescued. Also foreign spies Dmitri (Vincent Schiavelli) and Ivan (Art LaFleur) are seeking a disc that's somehow fallen into Gilligan's hands.

This TV film that returns us to Gilligan's Island is pretty disappointing. On one hand, if you were a fan of the original series, it's great to see so many of the original cast again. At rare moments, you get a sense of these being characters who've grown together as characters and behave towards each other in ways that make them endearing, there's the rare moments where the character interactions work. Sadly the story to this one may be the dumbest of all Gilligan's Island tales, it's also kind of sad to see a lot of the cast older and looking somewhat too old for their roles although Dawn Wells still looked great here. This feels like an overlong version of a TV episode 2-parter which has lost most of the charm and spark that made the TV series work so well. The spy stuff feels incredibly corny as does most of this TV film when it's not the original characters interacting. **1/2 out of ***** stars.

On Approval (1944): Two Victorian-era widows are being warily, reluctantly courted by two broke British aristocrats. One of the widows, Maria Wislack (Beatrice Lillie) decides to test her beau Richard (Roland Culver) by having him go away with her for a month to see if the two are compatible. Perhaps not too surprisingly her friend Helen (Googie Withers) decides to similarly test her prospective beau George, 10th Duke of Bristol (Clive Brook) when she learns of a ploy on George's part to leave Richard and Maria stranded together.

This was very clever, witty, and amusing, in ways daring for its era. The relationships between the characters prove really amusing especially when they are finally forced to live together for 3 weeks after which the fireworks really begin to fly. The performances are quite good and one does get a sense of the attraction between the different characters in their interactions with one another. Some surprises here too. Enjoyable. ***3/4 out of ***** stars.

12 Rounds (2009): Detective Danny Fisher (John Cena) finds himself the target of a ruthless criminal mastermind named Miles Jackson (Aiden Gillen) who's out for revenge. Jackson kidnaps Fisher's fiancee Molly (Ashley Scott) and forces Fisher to complete 12 challenges designed to make Fisher earn his girl's release but Jackson has other motivations in mind.

This was a dumb, loud action film from director Renny Harlin. There are some exciting stunts, explosions, and car chase/big vehicle sequences. The major problem with this film is the performance of lead Cena who's incredibly wooden and robotic in his role, shows very little charisma, and is just not a very good actor (actually he's exactly the same in wrestling). This film needed someone to effectively get across it's one liner's in comedic fashion. Cena fails miserably in this regard, his humor style being very cornball and forced. A different action star and this might have been something. As it is, it's nothing truly special, nothing you haven't seen before. Less demanding action fans might get some enjoyment from the stunts, car chases, explosions, fire truck & helicopter stunts. **1/2 out of ***** stars.

[lester1/2jr]

Bad Timing (1980) - despite a fair amount of nudity or partial nudity from Theresa Russell this is probably not one of Criterions more popular titles. I think I rented it because I thought it was weird that Art Garfunkel was in a movie and not singing with his group Simon and Garfunkel. I don't like him at all as an actor. He has an uncharismatic, nebbish sort of quality that could be okay in a much smaller dose but here it kind of sinks the movie.

Russell is a divorcee who is opening up her bag of oats or however you'd say it. going crazy after being married. One of the strangers she hooks up with is Garfunkel and they begin a mostly physical relationship. As we're seeing them have their affair, parrallel to that is a running scene of her in the ER, as a team tried desperately to bring her back to life. Gradually as we learn more we get closer to why she is in the hospital.

Russell's reasons for not wanting a commitment or why in the world she likes Garfunkel or what his deal is are never explored. This kind of movie where people are exploring both their emotional and sexual side is done a lot better nowadays. Here it's all kind of mushed around and hard to decipher. The very end when it comes together is good.

Overall I'd give it a 3/5

 it's also 2 hours long

[Jack]

Jiro Dreams of Sushi (2011) - documentary about Japan's best and most famous sushi chef. He's got an extraordinary passion for his profession, always trying to improve his craft even though he's now 85 and has been doing it all his life. Seems like it started with his parents, who told him there was no coming back once he left to get a job, so it was either sink or swim and he's been swimming for all he's worth ever since. For much of his life he'd leave for work at 5:00 AM and not return home until 10:00 PM. He's unbelievably meticulous in every detail of his work, not only in preparing the sushi but in everything else from purchasing the ingredients to serving his customers. And he seems like a totally normal guy with a good sense of humor and he's even a bit mischievous in his old age. 

If you've ever wanted to get good at something, this guy's life is a great blueprint to follow. Probably could have trimmed a bit off the 81 minute run time, but still quite enjoyable. 4/5.

[Rev. Powell]

ORGAZMO (1997): A Mormon missionary agrees to act as superhero "Orgazmo" in a porn movie to earn money for his wedding; furthermore, his co-star has invented a real orgasmatron ray that allows the duo to fight crime. What's offensive about this live action effort from the usually smart and provocative creators of South Park is how tame, conventional and predictable it actually is. Not terrible, in the average 2.5-3 star range, but these guys can be a lot funnier.

[JaseSF]

The Crew (2000): Four now retired former mobsters, faced with possible eviction from their retirement hotel, plot one last "hit" designed to save their home.

This comedy relies on turning the geriatric into anti-heroes while also making fun of the old. Sadly it's never really all that funny as much as it is just amusing. The crew of former mobsters made up of Bobby (Richard Dreyfuss), Bats (Burt Reynolds), Mouth (Seymour Cassel), and Brick (Dan Hedaya) devise a plot to save their home yet accidentally run afoul of a Drug Lord kingpin named Raul Ventana (Miguel Sandoval). Investigating things is one Detective Olivia Neal (Carrie-Ann Moss). Eventually a sultry stripper named Ferris (Jennifer Tilly) also ends up involved in this mess when she blackmails the crew into whacking her step-mother Pepper (Lainie Kazan) only at this point in time, the crew are most reluctant to whack anyone for real.

Yeah this is amusing but not overly funny. The best thing about this for many guys will be the presence of Tilly (who's her usual hot and sultry here) and Moss (who's badass as usual). Reynolds & Dreyfuss do alright in their roles, everyone else is more forgettable. OK but no great shakes as a comedy film. Not really anything anyone would need to revisit IMO. **1/2 out of ***** stars.

Blood & Chocolate (2007): A young comic book artist named Aiden (Hugh Dancy) falls in love with a mysterious girl named Vivian (Agnes Bruckner) who sells chocolates but has a much darker secret (she's from a family of werewolves). Standing in the way of their potential happiness aside from the nature of her being plus the fact her family doesn't approve of this type of union seeing humans as a species that just wants to wipe their kind out,  is also the fact she's been promised to the leader of their pack Gabriel (Oliver Martinez) who takes a new wife every seven years and Vivian has no true desire to be the next especially since she loves Gabriel's current wife Astrid (Katja Riemann) like a mother.

Yeah this takes the coolness of the werewolf horror tale and tames it down into a sappy romance. This is rather like the Twilight films although I think it proceeded the films but not the books. It does have some decent moments in terms of dialogue, some neat visuals, and decent performances from its two leads Bruckner and Dancy. Still I hate seeing the werewolf genre reduced to this so **1/2 out of ***** stars.

[FatFreddysCat]

"Metal Tornado" (2011)

http://youtu.be/EL1XJ-bhOXQ
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In this cheaper-looking than usual SyFy nonsense, Lou Diamond Philips (remember when he used to have a career?) and Greg "BJ and the Bear" Evigan (!!) battle a whirling, metal-attracting vortex of doom - the by-product of a scientific experiment gone wrong - before it can tear its way through Philadelphia and Paris (?). Pointless.

[JaseSF]

Saw that a while back. Think my review of it is earlier in this thread somewhere. Pretty sure I gave it 2/5 stars. I know there was a lot of Canadian taxpayer money that went into this thing and it had Ottawa posing for Philadelphia. Nicole de Boer (of DS9, Deepwater Black fame) was in it too. Yeah even bad by SyFy channel standards.