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Author Topic: 31 mini-reveiws for October.  (Read 1995 times)
Corprate slimeball of E.E.S.
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema

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Be EXELLENT to each other...and PARTY ON DUDES!!

« on: October 04, 2007, 12:54:25 PM »

For the month of October I've decided to watch 1 horror movie for each day of October, with the exception of Halloween possibly, because I'll probably be out all night.

OCT. 1-"Frankenhooker"

This movie sat on my shelf for a few months because I was afraid it would disappoint because lately I've had bad luck with movies that I've bought without ever seeing before. (Reefer Madness, Phantasm, The Stuff.) But this one left those doubts grounded. This was a great movie, with some of the LAMEST special effects I've EVER seen, which only makes it more memorable. And the ending, well I don't want to ruin it for you, its one of those "either you love it or you hate it" type of things.

In conclusion, I'd like to sum this movie up with 2 words: Purple nipples.

Oct. 2- "1408"

This one's a newer movie with Samuel Jackson in it playing a small role. It's based on a Stephen King story, (Jeez, how many movies have been made out of his books?) and this movie proves that a horror movie doesn't need to be gory to be disturbing and scary, so kudos for that.
The movie really relates to me because I HATE HATE HATE hotels. They're boring. they're often in the middle of nowhere. God knows who and what people do in those places before you. I hate them. Thats part of the reason I dig this one.
Its about this writer who writes horror novels (WHOA! Where did King get the idea for THAT?) that visits hotels and houses that are supposed to be haunted. He eventually finds one at the Dolphin hotel, and it doesn't take long at all for the man to loose his grip. The ending kind of cuts us short though, which is sometimes a good thing, and sometimes not. Ill let you decide which it is for this one.

Oct. 3- "A Nightmare on Elm Street"

I'd never seen this movie before. Up until about 2 and a half years ago, I hated gory scary movies. They friggin TERRIFIED me, so I was never familiar with the classics like the Scream movies, the Chucky movies, the Halloween movies, the Jason movies, and the Nightmare movies like all my friends were, and I'm still a little behind.

Anyway, This one wasn't particularly SCARY, but it had nice special effects and the dialogue was nicely written, which is more than I can say for the 1st "Friday the 13th" movie. 
The beginning of the movie made me believe that the blond girl is the main character, but as it turns out, she's the first do die, and a cool death it was indeed! I wonder how they drug her onto the ceiling like that? And this is ALSO Johnny Depp's first major movie, which took me a while to realize. He also has a pretty cool death, but I don't want to ruin that for you if you haven't seen it yet.
The only thing I didn't get on this one was the ending. So, she defeats Freddy, then walks out the door into an alternate reality where all her friends are still alive, and then Freddy gets them again anyway? Yea, didn't like the ending much, but the rest was pretty cool.

Oct. 4- "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter"

Ok, this one isn't really a horror movie, but it has vampires, sooo....close enough.
This one was ok, I guess. The horrible dubbing annoyed me to no end, and during allot of the fight scenes I'd notice the actors standing still waiting for someone to hit them, which was also bogus. But I couldn't resist the awesomeness that was Santos, the Mexican wrestler. "Get my good side, or you'll get on my bad side! HAHAHAHA!" He was great. He didn't have a trace of spanish in his voice, though. Oh, I also learned that God is a talking bowl of ice cream from watching this movie. And the few musical numbers (Yea, the beginning is a muscal or something) in this movie can either be painful or pretty cool. Dig this tune. "Its all good! Its all right! Everybody gets laid tonight!"
So watch this movie or burn in the unforgiving fires of Hell, you atheist!!

Oct. 5- "The Corpse Vanishes"

I had to go to bed as soon as possible last night so I looked through this 50 movie horror pack that I have that consists of a bunch of old black and white movies that the copyrights have fallen off of. Some of these are only about an hour long, so I could watch it, then got to bed.
This one might have been pretty scary back in the day, but nowadays it just seems like a detective story or something. The story is pretty cool, though. Brides start dying right before they say "I do" at the altar and then this doctor and his gang of freaks come and kidnap the body and extract the essence of the bride's beauty to inject into the doctor's insecure wife. Who likes to slap people. And sleep in coffins. This news reporter gets mixed up with them, snoops around, finds herself in danger, gets out of danger, and gets married. It was a pretty good one for a slow 40's flick.   

Oct. 6- "The Invisible Man"

This is one of the greatest horror movies ever filmed. Although I'm usually against most book and comic book adaptations because they aren't original, I make an exception for this one. Claude Rains have the most HORIFFYING voice, which is great because you have this Spooky voice and nothing visible to match it up with. Very unsetlling. Not to mention the special effects that were brilliant, even for today. Nowadays people just fix all their problems with c.g.i.. Back then people had to get by with their imaginations to get things done. The only problem I have with this one is that one bar lady who overacts when she screams. Its pretty ridiculous and takes away from the dark tone of the film. But besides that, its superb. Definitely go see this one if you haven't already.

Oct. 7- I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't feel like sitting thru a full movie tonight, so I just watched Mork and Mindy.  I'll watch a horror tomorrow and type up a review for it. Nanoo nanoo!

Oct. 8- "The Nun"

I didn't have very high expectations for this one, which is why I think I liked it. It's about these women who used to go to this boarding school with this brutally strict nun who keep getting killed off. Why? Because 18 years ago, in an act of self-defense, these women killed the nun. Now the ghost of the nun (who takes the form of water) is back to kill the lot of them, plus one of the women's daughter, Eve.
This was a pretty good one, with a decent story and a nice twist at the end, but MAN did it have some of the STUPIDEST people in it. Let me explain. All of the women are named after a saint who was martyred, right? So the nun kills them in the way that their patron saint was killed. So they figure this out by looking up how their patron saints die so they know what the nun has in store for them. This one lady finds out that she is supposed to be burned in an oven. So what does she do? She wanders into a kitchen. Alone. I didn't even feel sorry for her. And then at another point in the movie these girls think that if they fill the shower room up to the top with water, the nun will take physical form so they can harpoon her. So the room is filling up and they say, "If this water reaches the lights on the ceiling, we'll be electrocuted! We have to drain the room!".
But for some reason, I really liked the way that all the faucets and sinks would be overflowing before the nun came. Something about dripping water seems a little eerie. And now, after having watched that whole movie, I have to pee for some reason.

Oct. 9- "The Ghastly Ones"

Ah, the 60's. Full of hippies, narcotics, crazy colors, flowers, and badly made horror films. One Andy Milligan decided to make a career out of the later, and thus made his mark on the b-movie genere.
The Ghastly Ones is a typical grindhouse movie, complete with bad audio, scratchy film reels, violence, and a rape scene. Its about these 3 sisters who get called to their deceased mother's house in new york after Emperor Palpatine reads them her will. They go to the house with their husbands to get their cut of the cash, but they have to stay in this house for 3 days with the 3 unstable housekeepers to get it.
All the sisters and their husbands get along great. They all love each other very much blah blah blah. Milligan spends the first half hour of the movie with everyone telling each other how much they mean to each other, but I think he could have cut it down to 10 minutes. Anyway, once they get in this house, everyone starts showing their ugly sides to each other and tension grows. One by one, some cloaked person captures them and kills them real messy-like.
Overall, this one is ok for what it is, and what it is is a crappy exploitation film. One thing that really bugged me was the camera angles. He'd have a shot of all the girls talking to each other, but the camera is right above their shoulders, so all you can see are their heads at the bottom of the screen.

Oct. 10- "Invasion of the Blood Farmers"

I liked this one. It had some slow moments, but for some reason when it showed the blood pumping out of the people with that noise, well it made me a bit squeamish. Oh, Its about these farmers who are also Druids and they kill people and drain their blood to put it in the body of this dead lady who is their god or something. But like I said, the draining scenes were surprisingly unsettling. Very nice. The ending was waaaay different than the rest of the movie. The whole movie it makes us think that the druids rituals are a bunch of mumbo jumbo nonsense, but at the end, their voodoo magic works and it was kind of suprising. Overall, a good movie.
Oh, did I mention that Jim Carrey is in this one?

Oct. 11- "Evil Dead 2"

Obviously, this one is a classic. I've seen it tons of times before, and it never gets old. But I can never seem to get over how similar it is to the first Evil Dead. Ted Rami in that demon lady suit always cracks me up. My step dad walked in the room for the last 9 minutes of the movie and said it looked stupid, but what does he know? Man, I really don't know what to say about this one because I know pretty much all of you have seen this one and know all about it, So I guess I'll just close by saying its great and call it a night.

Oct. 12- "Snakes on a Plane"

I didn't get to see this one when it came out this summer and I was slightly disappointed about that, but a friend of mine let me borrow his copy of it and I got to see what all the fuss was about.
This one was an odd one for the time that it came out. A horror movie that doesn't take itself seriously are usually the types of movies you see come out straight to DVD or see at midnight shows with a buch of other nerds and weirdos. People just arnt ready for horromedies like this and Grindhouse and Shoot 'em Up yet, but maybe someday.
Anyway, this one was decent. Some parts were a little TOO corny, but other parts made up for them. And I loved Kennan Thompson in this movie. And I really felt sorry for that one couple that were going on their honeymoon. They didn't do anything wrong! They wernt annoying or stupid or jerks! But none the less, they died one of what I felt was the gruesomest deaths in the movie (topped only by that british guys death). They get pined to the wall by a desert tray and get bit like a gazzilion times. Those poor people! What did they do to deserve that? HUH!? But I liked this one anyway, but it's not one I can watch over and over and over again.

Oct. 13- "Pinocchio's Revenge"

It might be because we started watching this one at midnight, or it might be because this one just plain SUCKED, but I didn't stay awake for the entirety of this one. But thats ok because I don't think I missed much. I'll tell you what happens for the 40-something minutes I was awake for.
It opens up with this guy burying some dead kid along with a wooden puppet. The cops find him, his lawyer thinks he's innocent, they fry him anyway. This really bothers the lawyer lady and she starts looking for hard evidence blah blah blah. Oh, and this wooden puppet keeps showing up where ever she goes. It doesn't do anything, it just sits there looking inanimate. Here, take a look at how threatening it is.

Ah, I couldn't find a very good picture of it. O well, you're not missing anything. Trust me. Lame.

Oct 14- "Halloween" (original)

This one kicked SEVERAL GALLONS of ASS. I LOVED it. The dialogue wasn't cheesy like most 70s horrors, the acting was nice, and I think Myers is my favorite movie slasher of all time now. I love how he stalks his prey and how when he gets shot or stabbed, he doesn't yell or curse, he just breathes harder. He was great. I wonder how the remake compares to this one.
This movie was amazing, but it had 2 problems.
Problem #1- The actors who play the teens all look like they're in their late 20s.

Problem #2- For a brief moment, Mike's mask gets pulled off and we see his face. I think that kinda ruins him and makes him seem more human than crazy mysterious killer guy, but the movie still ruled! Can't wait to see part 2!

Oct. 15- "The Devil's Rejects"

This one is pretty good, but not as good as "House of 1,000 Corpses". I thought House was a lot more fun and campy but still had that horror edge to it.
Zombie does a really good job of making you pay attention during this movie because you get so p**sed of at the killers for being jerks, especially Baby. MAN did she get on my nerves! What a b***h! But I LOVE Captian Spalding. Hell, I love Sid Haig! And he has so GREAT lines in this one, too! "Don't cha like clowns? Don't we make you laugh? Aren't we f**king funny?!" Its great!
Rob Zombie has a very unique way of film making. You ALMOST can't call this one a horror movie. its almost an action thriller cops an' crooks type of thing, Only in this movie, the main characters are the crooks, not the cops. I just wish that every other word that you hear wasn't "f**k". It really makes my mind numb and yearn for something worth listening to. But this movie has one of the greatest ways to end a movie, ever. Just go watch it.

Oct. 16- "Man Thing"

This lesser known Marvel movie left me conflicted. I really liked the monster in this movie, but it didn't appear enough. Its about this small town in Mississippi that has some sort of industrial machine built into a swamp and it makes some sort of tree-swamp-creature-man-thing. I wish that they would've told us what kind of industrial plant it was though. It kinda left that blank. Also,the movie wasn't really about Man-Thing, it was about some rednecks and a city boy cop looking for Man-Thing. But the Special effects were really good, and I usually HATE c.g.i. effects. Some of the killings were pretty nice too, but some points were really slow when they were trudging around in the swamp for forever.

Oct. 17- "Galaxy of Terror"

I heard about this one thru a teacher that I have that worked on the special effects for it. I asked him if I could borrow his copy, but he wouldn't let me because he was afraid Id loose it or something. He said that he was doing me a favor anyway. So RCMerchant sent me his copy (thanks dude!) and I watched it.
It was entertaining, but DAMN does it ever leave questions unanswered.
Heres the plot: This space crew of about 7 people get sent into space to go on a rescue mission lead by this lunatic b***h of a Capitan. (She dies later by means of firey death, by the way.) They get to the planet and the new guy immediately starts flipping out. He's the first to go. so you know what they do with the body? About the most honorable eulogy ever. They shoot it with a flamethrower. Apparently, they do this with all their dead. anyway, theres this weird pyramid that they have to go check out, but once they go in, all of their fears start comming to life, which I didn't really get because they never went into into character development to see what their fears were, so I can only assume that Sid Haig's character was afraid of being stabbed by a crystal. Ok, I guess.
Like I said before, an entertaining movie, but ALOT of plot holes. And the ending seems to cut short, like they didn't get to film the real ending, so you get this choppy, unresolved ending.
Oh, and some lady gets raped by a magot-demon.

Oct 18- "Halloween" (remake)

I have SOOOOOO much to say about this one. I don't think Ill have the patience to do the whole review in one sitting.
This one, in my humble opinion, is as good as the original, but for different reasons. The original has certian elements that the remake doesn't have, but the original does NOT have Rob Zombie writing or directing it, so like I said, they're both really good, but in different ways. Let me be more spasific.
The original was great because it had alot of suspence and Myers stalking his prey before he attacked. I LOVED that! It makes him more creepy and mysterious. Well, in the remake, they completely take away the mysteriousness that surrounds Mike Myers, but they add in some depth to the charecter. (cont. later)

Oct 19- Tonight I wanted to see either "Dead Mans Hand" or "Night of the living Dead 3-D" so I went to the red box at Mcdonalds and I went to Blockbuster and a whole bunch of other places and it was always they didn't have it or it was too expensive, so I came home, frustrated and empty handed, and watched nothing. Happy October 19th.

Oct 20- "Night of the Living Dead 3-D"

This one was SO BAD We're going to tell you how BAD it is TWICE. Meaning that I'm going to write a review, and my friend is going to write a review. We hated it. If you have plans to see this movie, we must enlighten you.

KYGOTC- Dissipointment is a cold, heartless b***h. Me and my friend hunted this damn thing all over town last night thinking it was gonna be amazing simply because we THOUGHT Sid Haig was the star of it. It was gonna RULE. I've felt disapointment in a movie before, but never this bitter.
   The cover of this movie has Sid Haig fighting off some zombies with a pitchfork. Naturaly that made me think that he was the main dude of the movie. Turns out he doesn't make a major appearence till about 45 minutes into the film. Lame! But that's not the only reason it sucks. It's repetitive. There's next to no plot. Its a normal day, zombies come, people freak out. The end. Oh, and do you wanna know whats causing the zombies in this one? Well so do I! Because when its explained that the reason that there's zombies running (I use that word loosely) amuck is because the cremator left some corpses out for to long, I cant help but think "so if a dead body is left unatended for too long, it just becomes a zombie?" and then my mind tries to find some warped logic to that reasoning but just ends up killing itself a little, resulting in me am becoming a more littler dumminger.
Oh, and another thing. Near the end of the movie, one of the main charecters is talking to this woman about how they're gonna get in a truck and run away or something and hes talking normaly and breathing fine and has been for a while when out of nowhere, the woman puts her hand on his chest to hug him or something but she jumps back. She lifts his shirt up and theres a pole comming out of his chest! A friggin' POLE! Out of NOWHERE, man! And boy is he suprised! Like he wouldn't know that there was a friggin' steel pipe impaled in his chest for the last however minutes! And to make things even dumber, this pole just suddenly turns him into a zombie! Let me say that again, just so you know you read that correctly. A POLE TURNS HIM INTO A ZOMBIE. So the woman shoots him, and thats the end.
I'm not going to tell you not to see this, because after having read this, I would figure you would have enough sense for me to not have to tell you that. You're smarter than that......right? 

Katekat- before i review this movie i must state that I'm too eager to take my hatred of this movie out onto the keyboard to consider proper grammar and punctuation. sorry if it's a bit too ranty.

whatever you do, do not watch this movie. first of all i consider myself to be a huge zombie fan, and a Sid Haig fan.  so i see a remake, sequel, or whatever the hell it is of night of the living dead, with Sid haig and in 3-d. the utopia of zombie movies right? well i was completely wrong. as soon as watching this movie i could instantly name at least five problems with it.

1. sid haig is listed as the main character yet he's missing for about an hour of the movie. what the hell? it reminds me of when they threw tarantino's name all over hostel when he was mearly a producer.  damn marketing schemes, i fell for it once again.

2. it completely lacked that certain something that makes a horror movie worth watching. it lacks climax, suspense, and shock value. it just fell flat. the dialouge sugests that there could be all these elements if only it was executed properly. and i just can't blame the actors on this one. i can picture a bunch of monkeys sitting a table writting this anc congratulating themselves about this great script they just wrote when actually it's just so predictable.

3. this movie contradicts itself far too much. sid haig tells everyone that if a person were to die and then turn into a zombie( not bitten)  the change would take some time. well our main hero is killed and changes rapidly. how does that work?

4. ben, the main hero spoken of above, is trying to get away from the zombies and looks down and ohh.........he's got a pole through his heart. how do you run around for ten minutes without even realizes that they're something completely through your body?

5. also, this ben fellow states that the only gun he's ever fired was in a video game. well he's starts shooting zombies and guess what......every time he gets them directly in the forehead. i noticed a remarkable amount of head shots from other characters every time the shoot the gun.

well there's five things, and i could keep going, but i just keep getting more p**sed about the money i wasting on renting this movie.

Oct. 21- "An American Werewolf in London"

I watched the classic AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON, and I love it. The effects were great, it did a great job of mixing horror with comedy, (my favorite part is when the werewolf swat team busts into Davids house and shoots everybody! heeheehee!!), but the ending.......sucked.

What the hell, man? What the hell? It seems as though the production of the movie was rushed so they didn't have the time or cash to film something that needed to be there! Its a big climactic part. Everyone knows that Davids a werewolf, hes going on a bloody rampage, and what do they do? They shoot him, and he dies, which is all fine and dandy, but thats ALL THAT HAPPENS. He just DIES, and thats it. Kaput. end of movie.

I mean, thats like me ending this review with

Oct. 22- "Creepshow"

Wow. I am SO behind on my reviews.

Oct. 23- "House of 1,000 Corpses"
« Last Edit: February 11, 2008, 11:22:19 PM by KYGOTC » Logged

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