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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  Wrapping Presents with a Cat. « previous next »
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Author Topic: Wrapping Presents with a Cat.  (Read 1510 times)
Torgo
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« on: December 07, 2007, 04:25:52 PM »

I had seen this before last year but thought I would post it for anyone who hasn't. Anyone who has owned a cat will realize the complete truth of it. TeddyR
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*Wrapping Presents With A Cat*

Wrapping Presents With A Cat

1.  Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2.  Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.

3.  Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.

4.  Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5.  Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6.  Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.

7.  Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8.  Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.

9.  Remove present from bag.

10.  Remove cat from bag.

11.  Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12.  Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13.  Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.

14.  Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.

15.  Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.

16.  Place present on cut-to-size paper.

17.  Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper.  Remove cat and retry.

18.  Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.

19.  Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

20.  Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

21.  Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.

22.  Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

23.  Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.

24.  Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.

25.  Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper.  Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.

26.  Put present in box, and tie down with string.

27.  Remove string, open box and remove cat.

28.  Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.

29.  Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.

30.  Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.

31.  Lay out last sheet of paper.  (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)

32.  Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape.  Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.

33.  Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.

34.  Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

35.  Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.

36.  Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

37.  Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.

38.  At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.

39.  Vow to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the thing for you.
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Jack
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« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2007, 08:07:28 PM »

Yup, that's about the size of it  TeddyR  I got a DVD recorder and I wanted to make sure it worked before putting it under the tree, so:

1)  Remove old VCR from entertainment center.  Apparently one of the wires is still plugged into something because it won't move.  Check behind entertainment center, cat has wire firmly gripped in its teeth. 

2)  Attempt to pull wires through hole in back of entertainment center, but they won't fit with two paws also sticking through the hole.

3)  Remove old VCR and attempt to put DVD recorder in entertainment center.  Put DVD recorder back on table, remove cat from entertainment center.

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
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raj
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« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2007, 08:59:05 PM »

Very funny.  I'm not a cat person, but I did befriend a stray a few years ago.  One of my co-workers was a self-described cat lady, so she took Schatzy in.  Whenever she tried reading the newspaper at the table, Schatzy would jump up on the paper.  She claimed that he was singlehandedly trying to wipe out literacy in South Carolina.
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Allhallowsday
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« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2007, 11:30:42 PM »

Very funny.  I'm not a cat person, but I did befriend a stray a few years ago.  One of my co-workers was a self-described cat lady, so she took Schatzy in.  Whenever she tried reading the newspaper at the table, Schatzy would jump up on the paper.  She claimed that he was singlehandedly trying to wipe out literacy in South Carolina.
BounceGiggle BounceGiggle  Thumbup That's like my looloo... Francine
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Ed, Ego and Superego
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« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2007, 12:26:19 AM »

Call me a sicko, but the first thing I saw when I saw this thread was "gee, most people use paper".

Off to bed.  Must need sleep.
_Ed
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Newt
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« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2007, 12:17:19 PM »

 BounceGiggle BounceGiggle Thumbup  My five cats are sitting here looking at me: "Yeah. So?"  The youngest one has earned the name 'Tazz'.  I fear for the Christmas tree...last year she climbed it multiple times at the age of three months.  She's bigger and heavier now, though just as lively.
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« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2007, 12:46:58 PM »

Classic stuff and really funny.  One of my cats fits under this category.  The other one would run to the hill at the first sound of ruffling paper. 
Quote
I got a DVD recorder and I wanted to make sure it worked before putting it under the tree, so:

God I hate it when I have to hook stuff up.  The cat arrives as if to say "sooooo...what you doin?  Let me get a little closer there to see if I can lend you a hand.  Move dammit.  No, No you idiot, give me that wire, GIVE ME THAT WIRE.  I know where it goes." 
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