The Unofficial Badmovies.org Random Thought Thread!

[Leah]

I wonder if Toto blessing the rain's in Africa is why you don't get vampires hanging around there?

No, blessing the rain's in Africa causes hurricanes.
/joke

[ER]

This morning someone asked me if I wanted to join a semi-secret organization being formed to prevent yodeling among little people, and the invitation reminded me of a time, circa 1987, during the three years we lived in Kentucky, I joined another club that was being formed by a boy about my age I hung out with whom everyone called Tarzan. As far as I could tell he was the only member of the club before I got in, and the club had no function beyond letting him do the sorts of things he was going to do anyway, but since his activities looked fun, I wanted in.

He said to get in I had to know how to climb trees, no problem there, and I had to be able to go look for snakes in the field by the pond, again, no issue there snakes were cool, and I had to be willing to ride my bike over a big ramp he made out of plywood and paint cans.

Well I'd seen some of his ramshackle ramps that always seemed to end with him landing on his head after trying to jump them, so I asked if there was an alternate path to membership and he said yeah, I could lick a 9-volt battery.

Was that all? Again, no biggie, I'd actually done that before since my cousin used to dare me to do it with her, so I said I would, which seemed to disappoint him, so he said okay here is how you get in my club, you have to climb that water maple over there and when you get to the tall fork, THEN you have to stick your tongue to the battery.

All right, fine, boy, give me the battery.

So Tarzan ran inside and came out not just with a battery but his siblings, one of whom was this hellraiser sixteen-year-old who'd just gotten his driver's license and was daring death every night, and some of their friends came from down the road and some other kids until it seemed I'd be performing in front of half the neighborhood.

Hey, no worries, a crowd is an audience after all, right?

I took the black-jacketed battery and put it in my jeans pocket and started over to the tree when Tarzan's mother, this put-upon, overworked skinny country woman came out of her little aluminum-siding slab house, wearing an apron and squinting like she didn't get into sunlight very often and she called over, little girl does your mother know you're doing this?

In retrospect it's odd she as an adult didn't say hey, stop, you could electrocute yourself and fall and die. Nope, just does your mom know about this?

No, ma'am, I admitted with my best Catholic school manners.

Incredibly, Mrs. Tarzan said, well be careful then. And she settled in among the children to see me do this crazy thing, climb thirty feet up at age eight and lick a fully-charged battery. But at least she said it again, be careful, little girl!

Yeah, okay, right, climbing trees was no big deal. Besides, this club, whatever exactly it was, sounded worth it.

I actually did it, I climbed up this tree in front of probably two-dozen onlookers and reached the fork and took the battery out and stuck the tip of my tongue to it and got the remembered jolt, more like a jab than a shock, and I shouted down, okay I did it!

You're in then, Tarzan yelled back. Come on down. But you gotta climb down real fast with your eyes closed!

Nooo, I climbed down cautiously eyes open and when I got to the ground most of the people were leaving, the atmosphere was one of spent excitement and emotional deflation, but Tarzan's sixteen-year-old brother was there and so was his mother, and his brother kind of glared at me and said, I was hoping to Christ you'd fall out of that tree and mess yourself up.

His mother kind of cuffed the back of his head and showed she knew what was important in life by telling him, Steve, you shut that. If she'd felled on our land her folks woulda sued us!

After all that I can't say Tarzan's club ever really made life any different than it was when he and I were just hanging out riding bikes and stuff anyway that summer but at least it did give me one crazy day from childhood I remember well.

[indianasmith]

I'm forming my own secret society -
Agents of Chaos Rebelling Over Nefarious Yodelling Midgets.


A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. for short.

[Svengoolie 3]

I'm forming my own secret society -
Agents of Chaos Rebelling Over Nefarious Yodelling Midgets.


A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. for short.

Futurama already did a group called Acronym.

[ER]

I'm forming my own secret society -
Agents of Chaos Rebelling Over Nefarious Yodelling Midgets.


A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. for short.

Futurama already did a group called Acronym.

Duh, in a thousand years.

[LilCerberus]

I've forgotten the difference between the Honda Sabre and the Honda Magna.....
Dang!

[AoTFan]

You should Google "Pixie and Brutus" they're such a fun duo.

[Alex]

I think I remember what sleep was like. Once, long ago.

[Svengoolie 3]

I'm forming my own secret society -
Agents of Chaos Rebelling Over Nefarious Yodelling Midgets.


A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. for short.

Futurama fun pit did this

A.C.R.O.N.Y.M., or A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men

[Alex]

Yay for three and a half thousand posts.

[ER]

I'm tired tonight, which means I have insomnia ahead, which gives me time to reflect on how I have interesting relatives.

There's the uncle by marriage who sued me for half a decade in one of the most vicious lawsuits ever.

I've got another uncle who used to read me Poe stories as a small child, complete with pantomiming clawing at casket roofs after premature burial.

I have a cousin who got breast implants twice.

I have another cousin I often reference who tried to stab me to death.

I have a cousin who asked me to wear a wig so I'd look like his sister, whom he missed when she went to a mental hospital.

And oh yeah, I have a cousin who spent over a year in a mental hospital.

I have a mother who is an immigrant.

And a father who dropped out of an Ivy League school to marry my mom.

I had one grandfather who ran a home department at his parish, visiting shut-ins over the course of thirty years.

And I had another grandfather who kept mistresses all over town and liked the company of mob buttonmen.

I have two cousins who had to be revived after near-fatal drug overdoses, one more than once, and one who swears she went to what was apparently Hell before she came back.

A cousin who tried to kill himself by sticking his head in a sink full of water and dropping in s hair dryer.

And an aunt who sued a governor and won.

I have a great grandfather who, as he was dying, was given the honor of filling in a vacancy in the Federal appeals court (he was too sick to ever hear a case).

I've also got a great-grandfather who sold patent rights to his inventions to Carnegie Steel, and who knew Andrew Carnegie well.

I have a cousin in London who is literally the only white woman in her neighborhood in Brixton.

I have a cousin who lives his life by a gay hookup app.

I have a daughter who talked in complete sentences at a year old.

I also have a daughter who was born less than a year after her brother.

I have a cousin adopted from a Chinese orphanage where any girls not placed (sold) among westerners by age six get sent to work at rural labor camps. Of all of us she won the good luck lottery in her life.

I have a twelve-year-old cousin whose life trajectory saw him born in Ireland, raised in America, and he's going to convert to Judaism next year. Top that for an unpredictable life, right?

That cousin's mom is my aunt who is only three years older than me. I spent years half convinced she may have slept with my husband before we were married but apparently that was only colorful paranoia.

But on that subject I married a man who has no idea who his biological father is.

My one remaining grandmother is so Catholic she thinks every Pope since John XXIII espoused heresy and is or was possibly damned.

I even have a cousin who might seriously have been switched for my biological cousin in a maternity hospital, but we love her anyway.

I had a relative who died in a British prison of typhoid because he tore a Royal Navy recruitment poster off his shop wall.

And I have a relative who has decided lifelong celibacy makes her globe-trotting life more fun.

My father in law was a tv news producer.

Then there's my biological mother in law whose best friend's grandma died in the bridge collapse supposedly foretold by the mothman.

But the most colorful of all might be my mother in law (my husband's adoptive mother) who accidentally blindcopued me on the email begging her son not to marry me in part because her intuition told her I wasn't a virgin.

Yeah, colorful family, mine.

[claws]

I guess youtube is still clueless figuring out my viewing habits. Just because I'm located in Germany doesn't mean i'm interested in Nazi videos. Or is youtube simply stereotyping me based on location? That would be awful.

[Alex]

Rather a good D&D session tonight. The Paladin found out the full extent of his crime, and that it's consequences extended far beyond just the murder he committed. He is now seeking a path of repentance, which will be played out over many sessions to come.

Looking forward to seeing how it all plays out.

[RCMerchant]

I guess youtube is still clueless figuring out my viewing habits. Just because I'm located in Germany doesn't mean i'm interested in Nazi videos. Or is youtube simply stereotyping me based on location? That would be awful.

What??? 

[claws]

I guess youtube is still clueless figuring out my viewing habits. Just because I'm located in Germany doesn't mean i'm interested in Nazi videos. Or is youtube simply stereotyping me based on location? That would be awful.

What??? 

youtube has a recommendation section of videos to watch based on my viewing habits. They always recommend Nazi videos for me to watch even though I have never watched any.