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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  My 100 Karma point comedy celebration! « previous next »
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Author Topic: My 100 Karma point comedy celebration!  (Read 12463 times)
frank
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"I'm a big boy now, Johnny."


« Reply #15 on: March 10, 2008, 07:29:48 AM »


One of my favorites, although not class room safe.

Two old friends meet at the railway station after not having seen a couple of years. They go having a beer and talk about the good old times. After a while one says:
"You know, recently I had a really embarassing slip of the togue. I was at the ticket counter at this railway station and wanted to buy a ticket to Pittsburgh. However, there was this young busty girl at the counter and she got me all confused so instead of asking for a ticket to Pittsburgh I ordered a picket to Tittsburgh..."
The other one replies:
"That's bad, but nothing compared to what happend to me. I was sitting with my wife at the breakfast table and I wanted to say: "Honey, would you please pass the butter", but said instad "You old b!tch f**ked up my whole life."
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......"Now toddle off and fly your flying machine."
raj
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Karma: 109
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« Reply #16 on: March 10, 2008, 07:40:32 AM »

More classics:

A grasshopper walks into a bar.  The bartender says "We've got a drink named after you."  The grasshopper replies "You've got a drink named Marvin?"
 

A priest, a rabbi and a duck walk into a bar.  The bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"
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trekgeezer
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We're all just victims of circumstance


« Reply #17 on: March 10, 2008, 07:56:44 AM »

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in the strawberry patch.

Ever seen an elephant in the strawberry patch?

No

It works doesn't it.


Why do bull elephants paint their testicles red?

To hide in an apple tree.

How did Tarzan die?

Picking apples!
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And you thought Trek isn't cool.
Trevor
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« Reply #18 on: March 10, 2008, 08:03:34 AM »

Quote
Why do bull elephants paint their testicles red?
To hide in an apple tree.
How did Tarzan die?
Picking apples!

 BounceGiggle TeddyR
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clockworkcanary
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« Reply #19 on: March 10, 2008, 09:04:44 AM »

A priest, a Rabbi, and a biker walk into a bar...

Bartender, "is this some kinda joke?"
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"All disco must end in broken bones" - Cia from Whale
Raffine
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Karma: 768
Posts: 4318



« Reply #20 on: March 10, 2008, 10:35:25 AM »

Quote
elephants...

Why should you never go into the jungle between 4:00 and 5:00 in the afternoon?
Because that's when the elephants jump out of the trees.

Why are pygmies so short?
Because they went into the jungle... you get the idea!
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Zapranoth
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« Reply #21 on: March 10, 2008, 02:15:11 PM »

1.   Did you hear the one about the optometrist who fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

2.   A guy walks into his psychiatrist's office, shouting out, "I'm a teepee!  I'm a wigwam!  I'm a teepee!  I'm a wigwam!"

      His psychiatrist says, "relax, relax!  You're two tents!"

Nyuk nyuk nyuk.  Twirling
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flackbait
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Karma: 107
Posts: 1024


The fate of the last door to door salesmen


« Reply #22 on: March 10, 2008, 04:12:57 PM »

Quote
When he first gets the drink the conosuire spits it out and roars, "this tastes like p**s!" the regular then responds"Yea, so tell me how old am I?"

 BounceGiggle BounceGiggle TeddyR

Karma, flackbait, that really made me laugh.  Thumbup
Thank you! altough I must admit I stole that one from a friend. Karma back atcha
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Patient7
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Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha


« Reply #23 on: March 10, 2008, 04:26:01 PM »

How do you get an elephant in the refrigerator?

Open the door.

How do you get a giraff in the refrigeator?

Take out the elephant.

The lion called all the animals in the jungle to a meeting, who wasn't there?

The giraff, he's still in the refrigerator.

You need to get across a river that's been said to be filled with alligators, there's no bridge, how do you cross without being eaten?

You swim, the alligators are all at the lion's meeting.
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Barbeque sauce tastes good on EVERYTHING, even salad.

Yes, salad.
JaseSF
Super Space Age Freaky Geek
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Soon, your brain will turn to jelly.


« Reply #24 on: March 10, 2008, 06:31:51 PM »

Why was the crossdresser delighted by the radio announcer's command?

He said "Give us your beef".

How is a woman like a box of chicken from KFC?

Fondling the thighs and breasts makes the box all greasy.  TeddyR

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Allhallowsday
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #25 on: March 10, 2008, 07:25:17 PM »

What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant's fart? 
A saloon is a bar room, an elephant's fart is a BARROOM!!! 
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Raffine
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« Reply #26 on: March 10, 2008, 07:50:06 PM »

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"


Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.


Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"



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Killer Bees
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Never give up on love


« Reply #27 on: March 10, 2008, 07:59:32 PM »

Stop me if you've heard this  one before.....


Two blondes were passing each other on the opposite sides of a road.  The first blonde yelled to the other:

"How to do I get to the other side?"

The second blonde said, "What do you mean? You're on the other side!"
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Make the clock reverse
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Allhallowsday
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #28 on: March 10, 2008, 09:33:16 PM »

Stop me if you've heard this  one before.....
Two blondes were passing each other on the opposite sides of a road.  The first blonde yelled to the other:
"How to do I get to the other side?"
The second blonde said, "What do you mean? You're on the other side!"
KillerBees, that is one of my favorite jokes, and it's a river they're walking along, and it can be bee-you-tee-fully milked...!!  Which is what I would have done with it.  You were brief 'cause y're a g'girl.  Thanks for the chuckle.  Thumbup

Reminds me of the blonde whose mother told her not to let her boyfriend get on top of her or she'd get pregnant.  That night, when the blonde refused to let her boyfriend get on top of her, her boyfriend suggested she get on top of him.  The next day, the blonde saw her boyfriend, elbowed her girlfriend knowingly, and whispered: "There goes my boyfriend... He's pregnant...!" 
« Last Edit: March 10, 2008, 09:37:06 PM by Allhallowsday » Logged

If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!
CheezeFlixz
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Pathetic Earthlings


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« Reply #29 on: March 10, 2008, 09:59:53 PM »

Well I'm late to your 100 Karma party and I see you are currently at 109 ... sorry been busy.

So what a joke?

Well most of my jokes are gross, rude, man jokes and we have women and kids here ...

So ... hmm ...

Yo Mama's so dumb that she tripped over a cordless phone.

--------

A string walk into a bar, and the bartender says "hey we don't serve strings here" The string goes back out side, twists himself up, messed up his hair and walks back into the bar. The bartender says" hey aren't you that string I just chased out of here?" The string looks at the bartender and says
.
.
.
.
.
.
wait for it
.
.
.
.
.
No, I'm a frayed knot.

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