Rub it all you want...it's already hard.

[darthchicken]

You get in your car, and get in an accident. How original.

*Rubs Lamp* I wish I was God!

[JaseSF]

Except for you're the god off a group of cannibals who believe by eating you they can gain immortality. 

Rubs lamp. I wish they'd bring back drive-in movies, at least near where I live.

[raj]

Except for you're the god off a group of cannibals who believe by eating you they can gain immortality. 

Rubs lamp. I wish they'd bring back drive-in movies, at least near where I live.

Poof, they do.  Except that when you're in the backseat with your honey, she gets pregnant and now you're "Waiting for the end of time."

rubs lamp:  I wish for one night of wild, passionate love making with Jessica Alba (pre-pregnancy)

[Killer Bees]

Except for you're the god off a group of cannibals who believe by eating you they can gain immortality. 

Rubs lamp. I wish they'd bring back drive-in movies, at least near where I live.

Poof, they do.  Except that when you're in the backseat with your honey, she gets pregnant and now you're "Waiting for the end of time."

rubs lamp:  I wish for one night of wild, passionate love making with Jessica Alba (pre-pregnancy)

Wish granted.

Unfortunately, you realise too late that she's really a whiney needy stalker and no matter what you do, you can't get rid of her.   

[raj]

Except for you're the god off a group of cannibals who believe by eating you they can gain immortality. 

Rubs lamp. I wish they'd bring back drive-in movies, at least near where I live.

Poof, they do.  Except that when you're in the backseat with your honey, she gets pregnant and now you're "Waiting for the end of time."

rubs lamp:  I wish for one night of wild, passionate love making with Jessica Alba (pre-pregnancy)

Wish granted.

Unfortunately, you realise too late that she's really a whiney needy stalker and no matter what you do, you can't get rid of her.   

Been there, done that, only she wasn't Jessica Alba.  If I'm going to have a whiny needy stalker, I want her to at least be hot.

[LilCerberus]

Uhhh...
I, uhhhmmm...

I want an excuse!

A real one; One that'll actually hold up in court!

[Derf]

Uhhh...
I, uhhhmmm...

I want an excuse!

A real one; One that'll actually hold up in court!

*POOF* The genie grants your wish with a time-proven excuse: "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

I wish for inexhaustible energy; the next couple of days might kill me otherwise. I'm going to be veeeerrrrrry tired by Sunday if my wish isn't granted (lots of physical work to do).

[LilCerberus]

Uhhh...
I, uhhhmmm...

I want an excuse!

A real one; One that'll actually hold up in court!

*POOF* The genie grants your wish with a time-proven excuse: "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

I wish for inexhaustible energy; the next couple of days might kill me otherwise. I'm going to be veeeerrrrrry tired by Sunday if my wish isn't granted (lots of physical work to do).

Naw, that's evidence, rendered immaterial by circumstance, thus becoming an alibi suggesting that I didn't do anything, which people accuse me of all the time.

What I need is some sort of motivating situation resulting in forethought on the part of the represented party, prior to said malice, thus lending some form of legally recognized justification to the action, on my part, in question.

[Derf]

What I need is some sort of motivating situation resulting in forethought on the part of the represented party, prior to said malice, thus lending some form of legally recognized justification to the action, on my part, in question.

Umm, "The cat was already on fire. I was just trying to put it out"?

[LilCerberus]

What I need is some sort of motivating situation resulting in forethought on the part of the represented party, prior to said malice, thus lending some form of legally recognized justification to the action, on my part, in question.

Umm, "The cat was already on fire. I was just trying to put it out"?

No, I'm thinking something more along the lines of "Well, I was just driving down the street, and this tree jumped right out in the middle of the road and bit my car."

[Menard]

Uhhh...
I, uhhhmmm...

I want an excuse!

A real one; One that'll actually hold up in court!

*POOF* The genie grants your wish with a time-proven excuse: "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

I wish for inexhaustible energy; the next couple of days might kill me otherwise. I'm going to be veeeerrrrrry tired by Sunday if my wish isn't granted (lots of physical work to do).

Naw, that's evidence, rendered immaterial by circumstance, thus becoming an alibi suggesting that I didn't do anything, which people accuse me of all the time.

What I need is some sort of motivating situation resulting in forethought on the part of the represented party, prior to said malice, thus lending some form of legally recognized justification to the action, on my part, in question.

The genie, staying with the theme of the thread, gives you an excuse that will 'stand-up' in court, even if nothing else will as he has granted you erectile dysfunction.

"That man was pointing at me in the most vulgar manner."

"That's impossible ma'am."

 

[Menard]

I wish for inexhaustible energy; the next couple of days might kill me otherwise. I'm going to be veeeerrrrrry tired by Sunday if my wish isn't granted (lots of physical work to do).

*poof*

The genie says "Pardon me, I had Mexican on the way here".


*poof*

The genie turns you into flubber; the original, not the singing and dancing kind. You now have inexhaustible energy, but find it strange that you are spending your life in a school locker stuck to the bottom of some kid's shoe.