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November 26, 2014, 03:24:04 PM
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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  You, the Jury: "I Want My Lawyer, Sort of" « previous next »
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Author Topic: You, the Jury: "I Want My Lawyer, Sort of"  (Read 4439 times)
BTM
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« Reply #15 on: July 02, 2008, 03:54:40 PM »

BTM just complained about lawyers and threatened to make lawyer jokes.  No karma for him unless he ACTUALLY MAKES a lawyer joke. 

Okay, you asked for it!

Rules for hunting lawyers
Washington state attorney season and bag limits
1300.01 GENERAL

1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.

2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.

5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.

7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.

9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.

10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.

11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

BAG LIMITS

1.   Yellow Bellied Sidewinder   2
2.   Two-faced Tort Feasor   3
3.   Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator   5
4.   Big-mouthed Pub Gut   2
5.   Honest Attorney   EXTINCT
6.   Cut-throat   2
7.   Back-stabbing Whiner   2
8.   Brown-nosed Judge Kisser   2
9.   Silver-tongued Drug Defender   $100 bounty
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Raffine
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« Reply #16 on: July 02, 2008, 04:13:37 PM »

You know what I think?

Kentucky (a fine and beautiful state) really needs to change its official abbreviation.
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Allhallowsday
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #17 on: July 02, 2008, 04:23:15 PM »

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? 
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Raffine
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« Reply #18 on: July 02, 2008, 04:26:04 PM »

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? 

Same thing you call 500 saxophonists.
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Patient7
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Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha


« Reply #19 on: July 02, 2008, 05:04:51 PM »

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? 

500 scuba diving attorneys.
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jdlarch
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« Reply #20 on: July 02, 2008, 05:26:27 PM »

Maybe not a joke, but here in South Central Texas we pronounce "lawyer" and "liar" exactly the same way. Coincidence? I don't think so!


But turnabout is fair play so if you all want to make fun of my profession I am a computer nerd! Let me know and I'll start a topic...with a pic!
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Rev. Powell
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« Reply #21 on: July 02, 2008, 08:35:50 PM »

You know what I think?

Kentucky (a fine and beautiful state) really needs to change its official abbreviation.

If you ever visit, be sure to attend one of our KY Open Meetings.  They're very expanding!
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"The best parts are watching Sly go through the full range of emotions: deadpan, deadpan with raised eyebrow, deadpan with quivering lip. There's also a great sequence where Sly drives his VW Beetle down the interstate for about 20 minutes, staring dramatically through the windshield.."-Joe Bob on A MAN CALLED RAMBO
Allhallowsday
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #22 on: July 02, 2008, 11:39:13 PM »

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? 

500 scuba diving attorneys.
Nope.  What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?  "A good start!" 

Ahem, don't know about "saxophonists," but my understanding is that the other woodwinds are jealous of the sax...

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CheezeFlixz
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Pathetic Earthlings


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« Reply #23 on: July 03, 2008, 12:00:04 AM »

Why don't the sharks in the ocean eat the lawyer?





Professional courtesy.
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BTM
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« Reply #24 on: July 03, 2008, 05:53:18 AM »

I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer.
-- Will Rogers


A man who never graduated from school might steal from a freight car. But a man who attends college and graduates as a lawyer might steal the whole railroad.
-- President Theodore Roosevelt, attempting to persuade his son to become a lawyer


Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.


Almost 37 percent of the U.S. House of Representatives and 53 percent of the U.S. Senate are comprised of lawyers. It's like buying chicken wire from the fox.


Lawyers are the only profession where the more there are, the more are needed!
-- Robert Lucky, IEEE Spectrum


There's no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
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The Burgomaster
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« Reply #25 on: May 28, 2009, 05:25:20 AM »

This doesn't answer the question, however, I'd fire the lawyer for relying on the desk sgt. to tell his client not to answer any questions.
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ghouck
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Afro-Mullets RULE!


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« Reply #26 on: May 28, 2009, 02:15:14 PM »

I liked Danny DeVito's spiel about lawyers: Lawyers are like nuclear missiles, You have yours because they have theirs. Once someone uses them, they just f**k everything up.
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Paquita
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« Reply #27 on: May 28, 2009, 05:12:17 PM »

Man! This is from like 100 years ago!  I want a new fun lawyer question!  I totally would have got this one right!
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Dennis
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I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?


« Reply #28 on: May 31, 2009, 10:29:41 AM »

Okay, this was a question from a bar examine practice test, here is a new version of this same question.
If the situation described in the question occurred in reality what would happen at the trial ?
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Science claims that hydrogen, because there is so much of it, is the building block of the universe, I dispute this, there is plenty more stupidity, and that is the building block of the universe.  Frank Zappa
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