STUMP THE BAND (2006)

A good weekend is one when you don't have to mow the yard, the wife is in a friendly mood, and you are able to complete a project you've been trying to get done for awhile, so you can go to the lake NEXT weekend. But a great weekend is when all those things happen . . . and the random movie you snag off of the shelf at Hasting's is an awesomely wonderful piece of B-grade cheese!!!!!

STUMP THE BAND is a slasher/Cannibal Mutant Hillbilly/girl rock band/lost in the woods/foot fetish type comedy drama horror flick that amuses and amazes from the first. I was a little skeptical about it when I read the box, but it was that or something from Brain Damage Films, so I decided to take a chance.

Boy am I glad! OK, without too many major spoilers, the story line is this: you have an all girl punk band (most of whose songs have to do with their feminine organs) that is on their way to audition for a major studio. Along for the ride is their portly manager, Guido, who is heavy in debt to a loan shark, and the exceedingly jealous boyfriend of one of the band members, Daniel. After playing a gig at a punk bar where a fight breaks out, the band takes off and gasses up at a remote filling station . . . where the creepy attendant gives them directions down a little known gravel road that will save them two hours' driving time (of course!!). On the road, Daniel commences arguing with the band's lone lesbian member, whom he suspects is wanting to put the moves on his girl Tammy. They swerve off the road and wreck the van, and are forced to spend the night in the woods when they realize the service station attendant hadn't really filled the car up at all (where are all these full service stations people in movies keep finding, anyway??) The next morning, Guido and Daniel try to find help, while the girls all go skinny dipping in a pond one of them finds in the middle of the woods (of course!). The lesbian stays at the van and gets kidnapped by the locals - which include the psychotic service station attendant Little Joe, a bald guy named Billy who thinks he's a dog (OK, he's not REALLY a mutant, but they are hillibillies!), and The Coach - a tall, nicely dressed, balding man who loves women's feet. Without the women attached. But don't worry, he always axes if he can detach them before he does it!!

Will any of the girls escape? Will Billy get his belly scratched? Will Guido stop an axe with his forehead? Should Daniel be jealous of the lesbian or not? What sport does the Coach, coach? How many nude scenes are there? Will Tammy ever get all that CGI blood out of her nice blouse? Can you really shoot circular saw blades with a crossbow? Why does Coach sharpen his axe between each pedicure he gives? And who is the mysterious one arrmed man who shows up to help our heroines?

I ain't tellin!!!!!

You'll have to watch it for yourself!