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October 22, 2014, 01:35:59 AM
536069 Posts in 40551 Topics by 5095 Members
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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  joke « previous next »
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Author Topic: joke  (Read 3929 times)
Raffine
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« Reply #30 on: February 13, 2009, 01:59:28 PM »

What do you call a two-week old black cat that has white paws - which was born in Cincinnati?












































A kitten!  Lookingup
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If you're an Andy Milligan fan there's no hope for you.
Doggett
Bustin' makes me feel good !
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I've seen things you people couldn't imagine...


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« Reply #31 on: February 22, 2009, 01:19:37 PM »

Did you hear about the American tied to a stake ?




He ate it. Wink




*Yeah, I know steak and stake are different, but then the gag wouldn't work.
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If God exists, why did he make me an atheist? Thats His first mistake.
Doggett
Bustin' makes me feel good !
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 967
Posts: 8391


I've seen things you people couldn't imagine...


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« Reply #32 on: March 23, 2009, 01:27:04 PM »



It made me laugh
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If God exists, why did he make me an atheist? Thats His first mistake.
Wag
Bad Movie Lover
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Karma: 38
Posts: 331


It's a real cat and carrot situation


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« Reply #33 on: March 23, 2009, 04:39:23 PM »

Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation?

He worked it out with pencil.
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Where the hell is that soothing music coming from?
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
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Karma: 1405
Posts: 8238


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #34 on: March 23, 2009, 05:06:33 PM »

What happens if you ask a mummy for change for a quarter, and he gives you two nickels and a dime?? Question












EGYPT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
ER
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 288
Posts: 1716



« Reply #35 on: March 29, 2009, 09:49:22 PM »

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the testing was done, there were three finalists, two men and a woman.

For the final test FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know you’ll follow instructions no matter what. Inside the room you’ll find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "You're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes then the man came out with tears in his eyes and said,  "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. Then there was screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow. "This gun was loaded with blanks!" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."


MORAL:
We women are crazy. Don't mess with us.
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Seeking Tir a 'nOg since 1978.
ghouck
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 583
Posts: 3750


Afro-Mullets RULE!


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« Reply #36 on: March 29, 2009, 10:02:43 PM »

Did you hear about the new "Octomom Special" at Denny's? Eight eggs, no sausage, and everyone else pays the bill for you. . .
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Raw bacon is GREAT! It's like regular bacon, only faster, and it doesn't burn the roof of your mouth!

Happiness is green text in the "Stuff To Watch For" section.

James James: The man so nice, they named him twice.

"Aw man, this thong is chafing my balls" -Lloyd Kaufman in Poultrygeist.

"There's always time for lubricant" -Orlando Jones in Evolution
ChuckSplatt
Guest
« Reply #37 on: March 29, 2009, 10:08:59 PM »

What did the fish say when he hit the cement wall?












DAMN !
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Psycho Circus
B-Movie Kraken
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Shake The Faith


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« Reply #38 on: March 30, 2009, 06:09:08 AM »

There was a flood in a village. One man said to everyone, "I'll stay! God will save me!"

The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said "Come on mate, get in!"

"No" replied the man. "God will save me!"

The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house. A helicopter soon came and the pilot offered him help.

"No, God will save me!" The man said

Eventually he died by drowning.

He got to the gates of heaven and he said to God "Why didn't you save me?"

God replied, "For christ sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want!"
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Joe the Destroyer
Guest
« Reply #39 on: March 30, 2009, 06:37:50 AM »

Chuck Norris doesn't take aspirin for headaches.  He takes lives.

OR

Why doesn't Santa Claus have children?

He only comes once a year, and it's down a chimney.

OR

Two muffins are sitting in the over.

One says, "Man, it's getting hot in here."

The other says, "Holy crap!  A talking muffin!"
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ER
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 288
Posts: 1716



« Reply #40 on: March 30, 2009, 05:57:08 PM »

Back in the 1950’s two old Irish nuns got a break from the convent and decided to take a trip to Boston. As they left Logan Airport, the older nun asked the cab driver what he recommended they do while they were in town.

“Can’t go wrong with catching a baseball game,” the cabbie said. “It’s our national pastime. And while you’re down at Fenway Park, be sure ya eat a couple of hot dogs.”

Hot dogs??? the nuns thought. They looked at each other and the younger one shrugged.

At the hotel the nuns learned there was a night game at Fenway, so they headed over. Though baseball made little sense to them, they did their best to cheer for the Sox and be good sports about the experience. Along about the bottom of the third inning, a hot dog vendor walked past, so the nuns decided they’ll give this exotic dish a try, despite never having heard of it.

“Two hot dogs over here, please,” the older nun called out.

“That’ll be five bucks,” the vendor said, as he handed the nuns their order.

The older nun took hers and looked inside the napkin. She went pale and in a meek voice said, “Sorry, but would it be all right if I had a different part of the dog, please?”
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