Monster A Go-Go!
Copyright B&W 1965
Colonel Steve Connors: He works with the military and is in charge of the search for Frank. He has hard time believing that he turned into a radioactive monster at first (Not only one...). He also heads down into the sewer to capture Frank at the end of the film, but…
Carl: He’s a scientist that works at Space Agency Astrophysical Laboratories. I don’t know what he contributes to this film, but it doesn’t matter. He disappears around the second half of the film, so he obviously wanted to stay out when the film began to reshoot again after a few years.
Dr. Nora Kramer: She’s another scientist that works at the Space something other Laboratories. She is suppose to create an antidote that’ll turn Frank back to his normal size. She did a great of that didn’t she?
Ruth: She has some connection with Frank, but it isn’t made clear. Don’t think too much about her anyways, she disappears about half way into the movie. Why? Either no one could get her back for the rest of the film or she changed her identity to avoid being contacted to come back. I vote for the second one.
Dr. Chris Manning: He is the Civilian Head of the Project… whatever that means. He disappears from the film about halfway in and the excuse they use to explain why he won’t come back is because he turned over his work on the project to Dr. Brent. On other words, he didn’t want to be in anymore of the film.
Dr. Brent: He takes over when Manning leaves the movie… I mean hands over the project to him and he does whatever Manning was doing before. He and Connors head down into the sewers to capture Frank, but…
Dr. Logan #1: He seems to be an expert in radiation and was able to determine from looking at a piece of human tissue and a piece of the fallen space pod that Frank turned into a radioactive monster that can kill people instantly just by touching them. Really? Frank choked you to death and you didn’t die instantly!
Dr. Logan #2: He is the other Dr. Logan’s brother. He might have been the cause of why Frank turned into a monster with him injecting 200cc of Antidium-51 or some crap like that. He also managed to keep the radioactive monster locked inside a government building for 8 weeks without anyone knowing that. How he does it, I have little to no clue and I would like to know.
Frank Douglas: He’s some astronaut who went up into space and came back down as a 10 ft monster of some kind created by radiation. He randomly kills anyone he meets for unknown reasons; I assume the radiation fried his brain cells. He can also kill people with the radiation that is emitting off of him I think. You wouldn’t believe what happens to him in the end and I still don’t believe it either.
+ If a movie runs out of money before it is completed, never let anyone finish it.
+ It is ok to bring civilians to active crime scenes.
+ Scientists take any victims of a radioactive monster who are still alive back to their labs.
+ Movie narrators don’t have to make a lot of sense.
+ Some laboratories can’t afford to hang chalkboards on the walls.
+ Radiation turns blood into powder.
+ Scientists can hide a radioactive, 10 ft tall, 400 lbs monster in a government building up to 8 weeks without anyone noticing it.
+ Sometimes actors have to make the sound effects for telephones.
+ Army bases looks like laundry mats on the inside.
+ Truck drivers are apparently the gentlemen of the road.
+ Some people have a container full of gas in the front seat of their car.
+ Gas tanks are in the back of cars near the trunk.
+ Movie endings do not have to make sense.
STUFF TO WATCH FOR
2 min – What? I can’t understand you!
4 min –That thing put a person into space?
7 min – What kind of telephone ring is that?
9 min– I thought the body was suppose to be mangled in a way never seen before.
10 min –The chalkboard isn’t even hanging up!
11 min – I can’t hear you, speak up please!
14 min – Oh my God! His face is missing!!
15 min 28 sec – Huh? What just happened with the sound?
15 min 42 sec – You see this jiggling? It’s the only good thing about this movie so far.
17 min – You’re not making any sense!
18 min 2 sec – Will someone shut that dog up that background? It’s ruining whatever mood there is in this scene!
18 min 53 sec – Either that was a jump cut or you guys got there awfully quick.
20 min – The dog is still barking; someone shut it up already!
21 min – I really don’t care anymore.
23 min 44 sec – Turn around moron!
23 min 51 sec – He doesn’t look like any mutant made by radiation I’ve seen before.
24 min – What song? I didn’t hear anything!
30 min – 10 ft and 400 lbs? How do you even know that? It’s not like anyone is alive to tell what size, weight, or even what monster looks like for you to know.
35 min – AUGH! There’s that stupid telephone ring again!
37 min – Huh? You’re still not making any sense to me!
40 min – He was normal, but still 10 ft tall?
42 min – What the hell? Did he just make the noise for that telephone?
45 min – Hey! Someone turn on the lights! I can’t see the film, but that maybe for the best.
46 min – RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST SOMETHING I CAN’T SEE!
47 min – Why are we at a laundry mat?
50 min – Was that last scene of any importance?
52 min – What just happened?! Someone please tell!
59 min – Why I am watching security camera footage now?
67 min – Must resist the urge to destroy the TV screen right now.
Narrator: The helicopter pilot, who discovered the capsule, was dead. Horribly mangled in a way no one had ever seen before.
Narrator: What changes the delicate interlocking of fates that determines life or death? A series of ‘ifs’. If the girl had danced with her boyfriend instead of the other boy, and they had stayed later. If the two of them hadn’t parked to kiss and make up. But that is not what happened. And fate, and history, never deal in ‘ifs’.
Narrator: The line between science fiction and science fact is microscopically thin! You have witnessed the line being shaved even thinner!
Have you ever hit rock bottom when you watched a film before? I’ve been there a few times, examples include Jaws: The Revenge and Frogs. Though I never thought I would run into something this like this before. Monster A Go-Go is one of those films you can’t comprehend or try to put logic into. It is… I’ll explain.
Here’s a bit of quick history before I venture into the plot. This movie was filmed back in 1961 by director Bill Rebane, who also directed such classic rubbish as The Capture of Bigfoot or The Giant Spider Invasion. During some point in the film making, he ran out of money and stopped production. Now in 1965, director Herschell Gordon Lewis, the guy who brought us even worse trash like The Gore Gore Girls, took over and finished the rest of the movie so it could be release along side his own film, Moonshine Mountain. The rest is well… b-movie history. Enough stalling, time to get into the film.
The movie opens up with a narrator saying, “What you are about to see may not even be possible within the narrow limits of human understanding.” No argument there. We learn that this space capsule that the government launched into space had suddenly lost contact with NASA. Colonel Steve Connors calls for a search party to locate it when they get word that something came crashing to Earth in a wooded area near Space Agency Astrophysical Laboratories in Chicago. A helicopter spots the space capsule during the search and calls in for Connors to come check it out.
Connors and another guy head over to the scene and find the “space capsule” that put Frank Douglas, the astronaut, into orbit. Sure it did, as long as Frank was a midget and not a full grown human being, it most certainly did. Frank is missing and the two military guys discover that helicopter pilot who found the capsule is dead, mangled in a way no one has ever seen. Hey, I don’t write this stuff, I just go by what the narrator says.
Now we do a jump cut to Ruth’s house where this guy named Carl and a woman named Dr. Nora Kramer tells her that Frank has disappeared, but the launch of the capsule was still a success. I don’t think she cares if the launch was a success, she probably wants to know about her husband… boyfriend… brother… or whatever the heck Frank is to her. Nora tells her not to think about it right now when Ruth begins to worry. Yeah, her important something or other is missing and you want her not to think about it. They are obvious not good at helping people cope with bad situations like this.
So, someone calls Ruth’s house and Carl answers it. Someone tells him that the capsule has been found and that he should come to the site. Also, Ruth tags along as well because she wants to see. Alright, first off, how did someone know Carl was there and that he would pick up the phone? Second, didn’t Carl already know that capsule had been found, so what was the point of telling him that? Lastly, it is clearly not standard procedure to bring a civilian to an active crime scene. I’m less than 10 minutes in, the movie is really irrational, I’m frustrated, and I want to shut off the film. Never the less, I must continue. Shoot me.
So, everyone arrives at the scene and meets up with Connors and Dr. Logan #1 who explains everything about what has happened to the dead helicopter pilot. Logan then shows Carl some burn marks on the grass. Carl just passes it off as some kid’s prank. Yep! That’s what kids do! Make burn marks in the grass in the middle of nowhere in hopes someone will actually notice it. Anyways, they take everything to lab for examination and decide not to tell Ruth that Frank is missing. So you’re not going to tell her that her special something or other is missing? That’s a great plan; let her keep thinking Frank is dead.
In the next scene is a random talking conversation between Logan and Carl. Logan tells him that the pilot was cooked to death by apparently radiation. From that and the burn marks on the grass, he determines that Frank somehow became radioactive and can kill people just by touching them. A fascinating, but illogical and bizarre conclusion. So they call in Dr. Manning, the so called Civilian Head of the Project to help them out.
So, we then do this random jump cut to this dance hall where these teenagers are dancing. This has very little do with anything, but luckily the movie suddenly senses that and it has two of the teens leave the dance hall. They drive off somewhere and decide to make out, which is basically a death sentence for any teenager in a movie like this. During this point, we get some more irrational commentary from the narrator, then Frank shows up and he kills the teenage boy. There’s also this random dog that barks in the background for most of the scene. How did they not notice that during editing or even filming?
The next day, Dr. Logan #1 starts exploring the crash site from earlier for any clues. After about 2 to 3 minutes of him just walking around, Frank shows up and kills him by strangulation. Strange, shouldn’t he have died instantly because of the radiation? No need for silly things such as continuity I suppose.
We cut to Ruth and Dr. Manning at a restaurant who are dinning together. She moved on rather quickly, didn’t she? While they are flirting, a waiter tells Manning that there is a phone call for him. Apparently, everyone has discovered Dr. Logan #1 is dead. So, Manning takes off for the scene and invites Ruth along as well. Once again, why are we bringing along a civilian to a crime scene and how did the people even know Manning was at the restaurant? The movie’s insulting my intelligence here.
So, we do a quick jump cut to the scene of the crime where everyone is looking over Dr. Logan’s dead body, who is suppose to be shriveled up like they said, but isn’t. They talk a bit about this and that’s about it. Oh yeah, after this scene, Carl, Dr. Manning, and Ruth disappear into a black hole or something because we never see them again.
We then jump 8 weeks into the future in the movie world, but in reality, this is probably where the second director started filming the movie again. We meet Dr. Brent who reports to Connors that nothing has happened in the last few weeks since Dr. Logan #1’s death. Also, we find out Dr. Manning has turned over the case to this guy for whatever reason. So, the two of them go to Dr. Kramer next who tells them about the autopsy on Jim Taylor (He’s helicopter pilot who died incase you care, which I think you don’t).
We have some boring dialogue and then we learn that Frank was given Antidium-51 instead of Antidium-50 (it’s some sort of radiation repellant) to withstand radiation of all kinds in space or something like that, because Dr. Logan #2 asked for it. He also gave Frank 200 cc of that stuff instead of the customary 100 cc; I didn’t even realize there was a customary system for giving radiation repellent. So, Dr. Brent and Connors decide to interrogate Logan about why he was giving Frank Antidium-51. He explains that it is almost the same as Antidium-50 (Still a difference nimrod). Anyways, we have some more boring talking between them about why it is dangerous to change between the substances and what also happened during the testing stage with the test animals. This scene doesn’t help you stay awake and neither does this film.
We then do a very quick jump shot to some pointless dribble (which I spare you from hearing about). After it, Logan goes to this secret room, which takes about 1 to 2 minutes of movie time, where he apparently was able to hide the monster for 8 weeks. He hid a 10 ft, 400 lb monster in a government building for 8 weeks without anyone noticing it? My brain! It hurts!!
Apparently, when Logan goes to give the monster the antidote that Kramer made, Frank had vanished. He also destroyed the laboratory, which crushes any hopes of being able to make anymore antidote. Dr. Logan confesses to Dr. Brent then about everything and tells him that antidote he was giving Frank was working, but the effects of it wore off more quickly every time he gave it. He also reports Frank had stolen what was ever left of the antidote as well.
We do this random jump cut to a bunch of women sunbathing in a park. Suddenly, Frank shows up and scares them off. It was a pointless scene, but I tell you it to so you understand my anger. Anyways, we cut to this laundry mat, I mean an army base, where we hear this Connors make the sound effect for a telephone ringing, I mean we hear the telephone… ah hell with it!
Connors reports the newest sighting to Dr. Logan #2, who now explains to him this nonsense theory he came up with. He believes Frank is getting worse and that with the effects of the antidote lasting shorter, he will pose a big threat because apparently the radius of his danger zone will get larger. Once he runs out, he can contaminate everyone within 50 miles of him. This might be interesting if this was a different movie.
Then we jump to this night scene where we can’t see anything! Really! I can barely make out anything but a few outlines of some people and an occasional vehicle, but I’m basically blind for this scene! Also, the narrator said that supposedly the soldiers in the scene weren’t to fire at the astronaut, but in the last scene, Connors wants him destroyed! Brain… IT HURTS SO MUCH!
Then we have yet again another abrupt jump cut to this random woman trying to start her car. This random guy shows up and helps her out. She gives him a kiss after he fixes her vehicle and drives off. That’s it. Did I just watch another movie that got edited into this film by accident?
We cut back to Dr. Logan #2 and Connors talking to each other. They decide to warn the public of Chicago about what is happening. Now we cut to there where we discover the monster has gotten into the city. Connors then finds out as well and has Dr. Kramer whip up some more antidote, which I thought was very odd since I thought that everything that could be used to make more was destroyed. Now we cut to more random scenes where we see fire trucks, motorcycle cops, and army soldiers all driving around that goes on for about 6 minutes (You can use this time to take a bathroom break or grab some food and you won’t miss a single thing), while the narrator tells us what’s going on. I stress, this is extremely boring.
So, Dr. Logan #2, Dr. Kramer, Dr. Brent, and Colonel Connors show up at an area where the soldiers were picking up radiation from Frank. They determine that he has headed into the sewer, so Connors and Brent go down into it in radiation suits and with a tranquillizer gun to subdue the monster. They get a lock on him while they are down there and start to close in on it.
Now my friends, after so much pain I had experience while watching this film, I see the most annoying, cruel, twisted, and illogical movie ending ever . It’s best that you read this quote to understand and grasp what happen. After reading it, you may feel free to break something in frustration, but it won’t suppress your anger. The narrator says, “As if a switch had been turned, as if an eye had been blinked, as if some phantom force in the universe had made a move eons beyond our comprehension, suddenly, there was no trail! There was no giant, no monster, no thing called "Douglas" to be followed. There was nothing in the tunnel but the puzzled men of courage, who suddenly found themselves alone with shadows and darkness!”
So, apparently I was imagining the whole thing. There never was a monster at all to begin with. In other words, I just went insane and I thought I saw a monster on the screen every time it supposedly appeared. Don’t worry, if you’re not frustrated yet, this next quote delivered again by the narrator will do it. He says as Dr. Logan #2 brings a message to Connors and Brent when they return from the sewers, “With the telegram, one cloud lifts, and another descends. Astronaut Frank Douglas, rescued, alive, well, and of normal size, some eight thousand miles away in a lifeboat, with no memory of where he has been, or how he was separated from his capsule! Then who, or what, has landed here? Is it here yet? Or has the cosmic switch been pulled? Case in point: The line between science fiction and science fact is microscopically thin! You have witnessed the line being shaved even thinner! But is the menace with us? Or is the monster gone?”
That’s it. That’s basically everything that happened in this so called ‘film’. I can’t believe I paid 26 bucks just to watch this. Monster A Go-Go is the worst movie I have ever seen. At least Frogs had laughable death scenes and with Jaws: The Revenge I could have some fun pointing out the errors in the film, but this film had extremely little entertainment value. The only good scene I saw lasted about 5 to 10 seconds at best.
No wonder this movie ranked at #5 of the Bottom 100 movies on IMBD last time I looked. 26 bucks down the drain! At least there is another movie on the disk that came with the movie. Psyched By the 4D Witch? Never mind, I thought there could’ve been something that might have been considered entertainment.