Twisted, Demented, or Strange Things You've Done For Humor

[meQal]

So have you ever done any twisted, demented, or strange things for humor before? I know I have but I also figure I am on my way to Hell for them as well.
For starters I have:
Gone to Wal-Mart and asked people where they keep the Soylent Green.
Walked around a store with a pair of panties on my head.
Went thru a store making tank noises while pushing a shopping cart.
During the Christmas shopping rush, walked thru a store saying over and over, "The horror, the horror."
Greeted a group of Jehovah's Witnesses naked and asked wich one was going to sleep with me first.
Wrote back to a church that sent me a cardboard wallet cut out that I was the Archangel Michael, and God wanted his wallet back.
Got drunk and barfed on James Doohan.
Had Simon Bar Sinster on my answering machine.
Told my kids I was going to sell them on ebay.

So that is some of the stuff that I've done for humor. What's your's?

[Mr. DS]

Funny this comes up.  Last night I got in touch with an old friend who said I IM'd him once on AOL (back in the early 90s) pretending to be a hot girl interested in his profile on love @ aol.  I for the life of me don't remember that but I found it hilarious. 

I have a sick sense of humor so I'm known for that sort of stuff. 

[Saucerman]

Dressed in drag and flirted with a housemate (who was secure in his sexuality) to amuse our girlfriends. 
Ate a sandwich made of a marshmallow Peep between two Doritos.  (made $20 off that one as well)
Ruined "the mood" by blowing a raspberry on my girlfriend's stomach.  (she retaliated with a Dutch Oven)
Made a Jell-O shot in the shape of a lobster.  (a mold my grandmother gave me)

[indianasmith]

When I was in High School, I freaked out a girl I worked with by pouring about a gallon of fake blood all over myself and laying down in the puddle it made with my eyes closed - she was convinced someone had offed me until I opened my eyes very wide, sat up, and said "BOO!!"

She wet her pants and did not speak to me for a month.

[AndyC]

When I was about 18 and heavily into weightlifting as well as beer, I used to take charge of the firewood detail at bush parties. That consisted of running into the bush in the dark and taking wood from the pile when supplies ran low. Well, I couldn't find the wood pile in the dark, so I just started grabbing armloads of deadwood and hauling them back. Being kind of a showoff at the time, especially when loaded, I decided to go into a boggy part of the bush, full of dead trees that were just barely hanging on at the roots. Found one that could fall cleanly onto the bush lane, and started rocking it until it fell. Then I grabbed the top of this thing, must have been about 30 or 40 feet long and dragging a big muddy root ball, and started pulling. Once I got it moving, it wasn't too bad. I got it back to the party, and into the firelight where I'm sure only the top was visible. A couple of guys jumped up to give me a hand, and once their eyes adjusted, their reaction was enough that I just lost it right there. One of them shouted at everyone to look. Why is it that the same thing that impresses other guys will make women look at you like you're some kind of freak? We had nothing that would cut the log easily, so we just fed it into the fire a few feet at a time.

Anyway, that's probably the most work I ever put into getting a laugh. My best man later told the story at my wedding, where it got laughs from people who were there, and bewildered looks from people who didn't know me then.

At a different party in the same place, I also walked out of the bush schlepping an old couch that somebody ditched in the woods. Guys sat on it all night, butted their smokes out on the armrests, and as dawn approached, we heaved it on the fire.

[Doggett]

?

[ghouck]

One of my favorites is "Pulling a Barney". Here's how it goes: It started with my eating nothing but oatmeal for a couple of days, and drinking only grape juice and grape cool-aid. Then, I went to work and first thing in the morning, I gave birth to this HUGE purple monstrosity of the toilet-baby variety. Once I noticed it was huge and purple, I didn't flush it and got the other guy I ran the shop with (keep in mind, this is a shop full of maximum-security inmates, everyone but me and the guy I run it with are inmates). So, we each pull up a chair far enough away from the bathroom to see, but not close enough to look obvious, and waited for people to go in. The first guy that went in was this obese Alaskan Native who was about 50 years old. This guy was as back-woods as you can imagine, the prison here is 4 times as big as the biggest city, town, or village he's ever been to, and there's only ~550 or so inmates here.
Anyways, he goes in, and immediately comes back out looking SCARED. He went back to his work area and sat down wide-eyed still. Some of the guys said he crapped himself because he was afraid to go into the bathroom. Within a half an hour a quarter of the shop is watching people go into the bathroom just to see their reaction.

Anyways, when the stunt is done with GREEN cool-aid, it's called "pulling a godzilla".

I'm not sure if that really qualifies as twisted, strange, or demented. 

[Paquita]

My husband’s cousin is obsessed with boobs, and specifically, the bra size 44DD, I don’t know why this size is the best to him, but it is.  My friend and I wanted to have fun with this, so we bought a cheap 44DD bra from Walmart and some sequins and hearts and stuff and hot-glued them to it so it looked magically bedazzled.  We wrote and illustrated a small story to go with it about a magical princess with big boobies and a quarrel she had with her big bootied sister about whether big butts or big boobs are better which led to a fight in jell-o.  In the end the enchanted bra was stolen and sent away to be found by the man of her dreams and it was his duty to find her and reunite her with her enchanted bra. 

We mailed this anonymously to the cousin.  After he got it he wouldn’t stop talking about it for weeks and carried it around to show people and called up everyone he ever knew to find out if they did it.  He still has no clue it was me!  He brings it up occasionally now and gets parts of the story wrong and I have to bite my tongue not to correct him. 

Some other less funny things I’ve done are send free catalogs to friends and purposely misspell their names or make up completely fake butt-related names, or when one of my co-workers goes on vacation we sometimes hide the ball from her mouse or put a funny post-it under her telephone receiver so she has to fight back laughing when she answers the phone.

Ghouck -  I love your barney!!!  I sit right next to the bathroom at work and I work with mainly a bunch of mature businesswomen.. it would be so funny if I could do that here but I don't think I could handle the diet.

When I was about 18 and heavily into weightlifting as well as beer, I used to take charge of the firewood detail at bush parties.

What's a "bush party"?  Is that like a sausage party?

[The Burgomaster]

Well, I was at a house party once and peed in the clothes dryer . . . wasn't as bad as when my buddy peed in the Scope bottle, though.

[Psycho Circus]

Let's see....

Dressed as woman, went to a bar, danced on a pool table.
Dressed as clown, got drunk, made omelette.
Burned a Bon Jovi album.
Put ice down my step dad's pants while he slept.
Fed my step dad cat food.
Dressed my mom's cat up in a cape.
Urinated in my dad's coffee.
Called up fast food joints, told them I was Bruce Wayne, tried to order a cheese panther.
Whispered Bros songs into 12yr old's ears with a Ukrainian immigrant.
Ate other ppl's cigarette butts.
Shaved my eyebrows off.
Keep talking about suicide infront of my mom.
Head-butted a cactus.

[Jack]

The second-to-the-last person to leave the office always sets the alarm.  Then when the last guy steps out of his office, he sets off the motion detector.  Then the security company calls up and you have to give them your code and all that stuff.  Good fun.

I like to tape down the button on my co-workers phones so when they answer it, it keeps ringing.  Usually good for some frantic tape ripping activity.  Better if you can get the same guy about four times in a row with it.

Usually they get me with good stuff.  I had to fill in answering the phone at the reception desk one day at lunch.  Of course it's a complicated computerized system and they gave me about two minutes of training on it.  So my good friends up in the sales department decide to call the work number, ask for somebody they know isn't there, then put that call on hold and immediately call again and ask for somebody else.  There were three of them doing this at the same time, so I had about 15 calls on hold, paging everybody in the damned place, asking if I could take messages.  They apparently found this rather amusing.

[AndyC]

What's a "bush party"?  Is that like a sausage party?

A party in the bush. Usually at the back of somebody's farm, in some grassy area adjacent to the woodlot. Sort of a BYOB, bonfire, party til dawn and sleep in your car affair.

[Doggett]

Called up fast food joints, told them I was Bruce Wayne, tried to order a cheese panther.

Ha!
Everyones done that 

[meQal]

Called up fast food joints, told them I was Bruce Wayne, tried to order a cheese panther.

Ha!
Everyones done that 

There is a place in the small town I live in that if you were to call and ask for a cheese panther, they will ask you what you want on it. They call all their burgers, "Panther Burgers" so you would get a large cheeseburger if you asked for a cheese panther. The use the Panther name cause the local high school mascot is the panther.

[The Burgomaster]

About 20 years ago, my buddy had a house party.  We got one of those plastic children's swimming pools, poured a bunch of different liquors in it like a gigantic scorpion bowl, then, for some unknown reason, poured in some crunchy cat food (Little Friskies, maybe) and drank the liquor and the cat food out of the pool.  Sort of like "bobbing for cat food."  I have no idea why we did this, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.  Remember, drink irresponsibly!