In the last episode
of Sky Surfer Strike Force, the gang went back in time to 1920s New York and caused a whole lot of damage for ultimately no reason! This time, the episode sucks even more than normal!
It's been a long time since I've done one of these recaps, mostly because I didn't want to have to recap this episode. It SUCKS! I could have skipped on to Disc 2, but I'm a completist, damn me to hell. So, here we go.
The episode starts in Egypt, where some white guy is
robbing a Pharaoh's tomb
In the sarcophagus he's
documenting, he discovers something amazing: a mummy with its eyes still intact!
Ha ha, I kid. He finds a golden, magic mask. There's a curse on it, of course, as this native guy explains while giving him a soothing backrub. The curse is that, if the mask is removed from the sarcophagus, the first person to put it on thereafter will die.
Sometime later, a loser magician named Billy Ace (groan) is giving a terrible magic show in a dive bar. How lousy of a bar is it?
They don't serve liquor, they serve ketchup!
The guys just happen to be there, as usual.
Holy crap, Borgs out of nowhere!
Time for an action scene! About time, the episode's been on for like 45 seconds already!
Replicon attempts to put the viewers out of their misery.
More random acts of violence against ketchup bottles!
Nate shoots Replicon in the chest, but it passes through harmlessly.
In retaliation, Replicon shoots Nate in the crotch! Geez!
Watching, Billy wishes he had powers like the Borgs.
Say, Lazerette, any particular reason you always lean over like that to fire your lasers?
Ice kicks Lazerette in the ovaries, putting her out of action.
Replicon sneaks up behind Skysurfer and tries to shoot him.
So Skysurfer throws him down and begins making out with him furiously.
Replicon stands over Skysurfer, threating him with his huge gun.
Skysurfer gets away from Replicon somehow (I missed it and damned if I'm watching this piece of s**t episode again to find out how), and the guys all transform. We have to watch all five transformation sequences in their entirity.
I don't really mind in Ice's case.
The Borgs, knowing they're outmatched, flee while the guys assume smug faces.
Billy decides to throw in his lot with the Borgs. Check out that high quality DVD transfer!
Ice has some dialogue here, but I have no idea what it was because I'm totally distracted by her sudden case of manface.
When Billy Met Cybron
Cybron agrees to turn Billy into a Borg so that he can "mumbleDESTROY SKYSURFERmumblemumble". See how the scene composition suggests a funeral rather than a birth? This signifies that Billy is really destroying himself, rather than becoming something greater than he once was. Deep, I know.
To become a cyborg, you apparently have to be effused with a bunch of colored smoke.
Cybron turns Billy in ABRACON, a huge, massively muscled man in an open-chested tuxedo. Hmm. Cybron? Most of your goons are huge, massively muscled men in revealing outfits, several of whom wear little more than pink underwear. Is there anything you want us to know?
Abracon demonstrates his power by picking up Replicon and putting him down. My god! The Skysurfers are DOOMED!
Before killing the Skysurfers, Abracon stops at his apartment to get a cup of coffee. He happens to notice an ad for a museum exhibit featuring -- the magic mask the
Egyptologist found way back at the beginning of the episode!
The guys drop by not much later, to find out if Billy came back ok from his meeting with Cybron. Yeah, because Cybron would drop him off at home if he didn't kill him or make him a Borg. Anyway, they find the same flyer for the museum exhibit and decide to go. Hey, it might be neat.
Oh, look, it's the mask. Dig the guy who wears his sunglasses at night.
Abracon shows up and steals the mask!
Good thing the guys just happened to decide to come to the exhibit at that very time, huh? Please note the facial expressions of the people in the crowd.
A freaking building gets knocked over! Why? Who cares? It's a freaking building and it's getting knocked over!
The Skysurfers manage to get the mask back. Whee.
Oh, look! Serena's been watching. Now Cybron will know that Abracon tried to steal the mask instead of killing the Skysurfers. I predict that Abracon will come close to killing the Skysurfers only to be thwarted when Cybron shows up to punish him for disobeying.
Oh. My. God. Is that really the best picture of the Statue of Liberty they could draw? Why are we at the Statue of Liberty? Because Abracon invited Soar Loser there to "surrender" and he was stupid enough to go. Alone. I hate you, Soar Loser.
Soar Loser is defeated by pigeons. Pigeons! He certainly lives up to his name.
Abracon threatens to dump Soar Loser into the ocean if Skysurfer doesn't show up to rescue him.
Skysurfer gets there -- fast!
Somewhat surprisingly, somebody besides Ice gets tied up in this episode.
Skysurfer plummets into the ocean.
At this point, the other Borgs show up and capture Abracon. (Told ya!)
The pigeons push Soar Loser off the Statue. Pigeons ... push ... Soar Loser ... off the Statue. Like I said, he lives up to his name.
But Skysurfer has freed himself by this time and rescues him. Oh, my, wasn't that just so exciting?
Aww, gimme another chance.
WELL, OKAY. (The animators take a rare opportunity to draw Serena's firm, yet supple ass instead of her boobs for a change.)
Abracon shows up at the airport and steals the briefcase (briefcase?) containing the mask before it can be loaded on the plane.
Do they normally ship priceless artifacts in briefcases?
The Skysurfers have been waiting for him the whole time!
Abracon draws out the nails holding the planes together and shoots them at ... Hold on, I'm pretty sure planes aren't assembled with nails. Don't even TRY to tell me those are supposed to be rivets or screws.
The Borgs show up, too! I really only included this screencap because I love the expression on Dr. Fiveeye's face.
Crazy Stunts uses his lasso pistol to grab the briefcase from Abracon!
Replicon jumps on him and savagely anally rapes him!
Some other stuff happens. Ice shoots her ice beam.
Soar Loser falls off his skyboard.
Replicon turns his head into a gun and drives a forklift.
Somehow, Abracon ends up with the mask and gets away. Don't ask me how, I don't care. Cybron tells Abracon he can be the first to put it on. Oh, and be careful of the curse.
Curse? That's an old wives' tale.
You should listen to old wives.
Cybron calls Skysurfer -- on the freaking phone, which is awesome -- and offers to fight him one-on-one.
Skysurfer accepts and meets Cybron in ... an old Western movie set?
The Big Showdown we've waited four whole episodes to see!
It's awesome! I mean, just look at that s**t! Cybron's totally posing with his arms out and his cape billowing while Skysurfer flies toward him!
The mask gives Cybron the ability to teleport out of Skysurfer's way! How exciting!
Suddenly, there are trains and modern buildings in the old ghost town so that Cybron can throw them around and cause huge explosions.
Cybron creates a black p***y!
A giant black p***y!
A giant, fire-breathing
, black p***y!
Of course, the black p***y is no match for the blonde, blue-eyed, white man. Hmm.
The black p***y didn't work, so Cybron tries something else.
A long, thick snake! Skysurfer is brought to his knees with his face in the dirt, he has to grit his teeth and strain, but he is able to take the enormous snake.
Having failed to defeat Skysurfer with a black p***y and a big snake, Cybron opens up a crack ...
... which causes Skysurfer to fall into a deep, brown hole.
Unfortunately, Cybron lowers his guard to mumble at Skysurfer and gets pasted by the skyboard! He drops the mask.
Skysurfer blows up the mask with his flame sword. In the confusion, Cybron escapes.
Later, he and Nate read books while chatting with Ice. All of them pointedly ignore Soar Loser.
This is the WORST Skysurfer episode so far. It's hard to tell from these still pictures, but the animation quality has dropped by a startling degree. It's like something made by a class of animation students
, really untalented ones who never paid much attention in art class, and were drunk when they drew the frames. It's actually very difficult just to look at it. It's that bad.