Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus
Copyright Company and Date: Asylum Home Entertainment 2009
Submitted by RIDGETHE CHARACTERS
Allan Baxter = Lorenzo Lamas! An FBI agent with a pony-tail. Likes to insult people when asking them for help. Also, he's a racist.
Emma MacNeil = Deborah Gibson! An oceanologist who apparently hopes for a death by drowning.
Dr. Seiji Shimada = Japanese scientist and Emma's love interest. Almost killed by the giant octopus.
Lamar Sanders = An ex-navy pilot/paleontologist and Emma's old teacher.
Vincent = Emma's assistant.
Mega shark and giant octopus = Suprisingly, they are gigantic sea monsters. They pummel each other to death.LESSONS LEARNED
- Pheromones are green and they glow.
- Prehistoric sharks can swim really fast.
- Ancient sharks can also jump 12000 feet in to the air.
- Sunglasses are a crucial part of the army uniform.STUFF TO WATCH FOR
7 mins = What's happening? Are they going thru a naval minefield or something?
9 mins = I wonder, do all giant monsters with tentacles automatically head to Japan?
18 mins = Random act of violence against an airplane!
21 mins = Aaargh! Will you please stop with the flashing black and white scenes already?
30 mins = Wow, that has to be the silliest line in the whole movie.
35 mins = Did you really think that the shark was teleporting around the globe, eating airplanes? I think you did.
41 mins = That may not be the best subject to talk about after sex
41 mins = Hmmm, have I seen this scene before? Yes, I think I have
47 mins = So are you suggesting that every scientist is sooner or later in their career going to have to fight against a giant monster?
52 mins = Good god, 500 knots? That sure is one fast shark.
55 mins = Random act of violence against a battleship!
55 mins = Random act of violence against Golden Gate bridge!
57 mins = Thousands dead and the city in shambles? How's that possible? Did the army bomb the city instead of the shark?
59 mins = These guys again?
69 mins = Random act of violence against a fleet of submarines!
80 mins = The shark bit off one of the tentacles but now it's intact?NOTABLE QUOTES
Allan: "Now if we don't find the bible means of stopping this f*cker, sharkzilla is gonna own the seas."
Captain: "It rises!"
Emma: "Thrilla in Manila!"
Emma's boss: "Go home and think about what you have done."THE PLOT
Off the coast of Alaska, Emma MacNeil and her assistant Vince are studying whales aboard a small submarine when an army helicopter drops an experimental sonar transmitter into the ocean, making the whales go nuts. As the whales go on a rampage, the small sub looks like it's going thru a naval minefield with all the flashing and explosions going on. Also, for some reason, the army chopper pilot loses control and crashes into the glacier, breaking open the glacier and revealing the frozen monstrosities. As the ice breaks, the shark and the octopus are released from their icy prison.
Bit later, in the coast of Japan, three guys on a oil drilling platform are talking about urinating on co-workers. Creepy. But luckily for us, the giant octopus attacks and wrecks the platform. After returning to Point Dume on California, Emma and Vincent are investigating a shredded corpse of a beached whale, with something resembling a tooth in one of the wounds. Before our heroine can take a closer look at the wound, her boss tells her to go to her room..I mean home and think about what she has done to the small experimental submarine, which took quite a beating in the whale rampage earlier. Later, Emma goes back to the whale corpse on the beach and pulls out a gigantic tooth from one wounds. Meanwhile, the shark decides it's time for lunch and leaps like 12000 feet to the air and snatches an airplane! This is without a doubt the most silliest scene in the whole movie.
Next morning, the review board fires Emma for stealing and wrecking the sub. Afterwards, Emma takes the tooth to her old teacher, ex-navy pilot Lamar Sanders, who believes that the tooth belongs to Megalodon, a giant shark which should be extinct, but apparently is not. The duo is visited by dr. Seiji Shimada, who is trying to figure out what attacked the oil drilling platform in Japan. Then Vince delivers them the tape from the minisub Emma used to study the whales. They find out that the Megalodon and the octopus were frozen in combat 18 million years ago. Meanwhile, a naval destroyer is attacking the Megalodon, but the destroyer fails to kill the giant fish! Oh noes! Also, prepare for the silliest line in the whole movie.
The three scientist are arrested by the army and taken to see FBI agent Allan Baxter. Allan keeps insulting the trio and suggesting that Seiji should perform a hara-kiri. What a nice man! Well anyways, after they decide to help the goverment, they come up with a plan to lure the sea monsters to shallow waters, where they could be captured. I have to wonder, how did they plan to capture a 200 feet shark and octopus.
While working in the lab, where they try to devise how they are going to lure the creatures, Emma and Seiji become attracted to each other. After screwing in the closet and talking about smells, they come up with the idea to use the pheromones to lure them. Emma and Lamar go to San Francisco to bait the Megalodon and Seiji goes to Tokyo to bait the octopus. How could that possibly fail?
Well, apparently, it can. Emma and Lamar only barely survive, as they didn't know that the Megalodon can swim at the speed of 500 knots. As the battleships bombard the shark, it surfaces and takes a bite out of the Golden Gate bridge and flees. Seiji contacts them and tells that the plan also failed with the octopus.
Allan wants to nuke the hell out of the things, but our trio is strongly against that.
Emma the suggest that they use "Thrilla in Manila" tactic to lure them to fight each other. They load the subs with pheromone torpedoes and head to the North Pacific Ocean. Shortly, in the coast near Alaska, they find the shark. After a chase scene where the Megalodon pursues the sub, the octopus attacks and devastates the submarine fleet. Then the giant sea thingies engage each other. Megalodon bites off one of the octopuses tentacle and attacks the submarine again. Seiji and the japanese sub arrive just in time to fire torpedoes at the shark, but despite of that, Megalodon bites the sub in half just as our heroes escape on the minisub. The octopus attacks the japanese sub and nearly destroys it, but before it can do that, the Megalodon attacks the giant cephalopod. As they maul each other to death, Lamar and Emma rescue Seiji from the japanese sub.
The movie ends with Emma and Seiji sitting on the beach when Lamar comes and shows them infrared images about some mysterious creature at the North Sea.
Well, the movie certainly delivered what the title promised. Ludicrous shark eating an airplane and Golden Gate bridge scenes, some silly dialog and sucky special effects make this movie everything a good B-movie should be.
Well, that's my first review. Hope you like it. Note: English isn't my main language, so I hope that there aren't too much spelling errors.