OK, as should be obvious by my ongoing presence here, I love bad, bizarre movies. Always have. And I have seen some weird, I mean REALLY weird films over the years. I've seen ZARDOZ in all its 70's era drug induced existential weirdness, I've laughed my butt off at THE COWBOY KILLER and DAHMER VS. GACY. I've tried to wrap my head around A CLOCKWORK ORANGE and was utterly entranced by SUCKER PUNCH. And I have watched my share of Japanese films as well - MACHINE GIRL, ZOMBIE SELF DEFENSE FORCE, etc. But this past weekend I saw what may well be the most bizarre film ever made. I mean, this thing was FREAKY! The Japanese have definitely set a new bar for cinematic bizzarity.
I'm referring to the recent J-Sploitation epic, HELLDRIVER.
How can I explain this? OK, without too many spoilers - the northern half of Japan was taken over by zombies. The first infected person, who became the zombie queen, was the mother of a girl named Kika. She was an evil, nasty serial killer who had just murdered her ex-husband and ripped Kika's heart out (literally) when a meteorite punched a hole in her chest. She inserted Kika's heart there, and paramedics rushed Kika away. Somehow she did not die, but was sent to a government lab.
Meanwhile a cloud of ash covers norther Japan and turns everyone there into zombies with strange horns growing out of their foreheads. Kika is restored to life and given an artificial heart which also powers a katana-shaped chainsaw which she uses to fight zombies. Zombies eat the prime minister. Criminals harvest zombie horn and sell it as a drug on the streets. Users who overdose explode.
Kika sets out to rescue a girl from the zombies. She fights a pregnant zombie who wields her fetus at the end of a 30 foot umbilical cord, like some kind of a medieval flail. She fights an 8 legged zombie. There is also a chase scene involving a car made of zombie parts, a rocket made of zombies, zombies biting a schoolgirl's nipples off, more blood geysers, decapitations, and dismemberment than you can shake a stick at, aerial bombardment with exploding zombie heads, telescoping spinal chords, did I mention a WORKING ROCKET MADE OF ZOMBIES??????
I lost count of how many times I said "What the . . . . ?" during this film. It's like someone tried to remake SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, THE SOUND OF MUSIC, and MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL with no music and an all zombie cast.
I have seen ultimate weirdness, and HELLDRIVER is its name.