Things you've learned from the Three Stooges

[The Burgomaster]

* Three grown men can sleep comfortably in a single bed.

* If you rub a file across your head, sawdust will come off.

* If you get shot in the ass, sparks and smoke will come off your pants, but you'll still be able to run down the street.

* Most pies are filled with nothing except whipped cream.

* You can poke someone in the eyes repeatedly without doing any damage.

I'll stop here, but there are probably hundreds of examples we can come up with.

[trekgeezer]

The correct spelling of head is b-o-n-e

The best clam chowder is made with live clams still in the shell

The hooked end of a crowbar works great for cleaning out your sinuses

We're all just victims of circumstance

[lester1/2jr]

pulling someone up who is attempting to slide down a firemans pole by their eyelid only hurts for a second then it's okay

Turkey is pronounced "Toy- key"

[Mr. DS]

Listening to a parrot during a murder case proceeding can save the defense a lot of time.

You get better at golf when as your diverts get smaller.

Babies don't like artichokes.

Any discussion about Niagara Falls will be dramatic.

You have to wait through long stories to find out who through those pies.

A paintbrush under the chin can cure panic attacks.

Census taking is very tough work.

[AndyC]

A human nose can be pulled and twisted with pliers and suffer no damage.

Tamale filling is under extreme pressure.

Severe facial deformity is not an impediment to a presidential campaign.

Getting stabbed with a pitchfork won't cause serious injury as long as it's in the butt. Similar to the shotgun principle, but with a "twang" sound instead of smoke and sparks.

[AndyC]

The correct way to eat a crab is to put it on a large bun, shell and all. It should always be served live.

A parrot flapping its wings inside a roast chicken can still fly normally, and carry the chicken with it.

Machine guns can use carpet tacks as ammo.

[Flu-Bird]

If a parrot gets in a roast turkey or goose it will walk around the table,if you put propane in a birthday cake it will explode,if you use a saw on someones head the saw will be ruined,if you take a bath and use balloons to stay afloat dont smoke a big cigar,if you go duck hunting a duck will spit water in your face,you can attract ducks like the pied piper,if indians tie you to a tree a bird with peck you in the head,In the puritant days woman had names like FAITH,HOPE & CHARITY,A stage prop can be used as shelter,gutars can be used as snowshoes,Oil will come out of your water pump,POP GOSE THE WEASEL  will drive curly crazy,If you use a potholder in a cake everybody will be coughing up feathers,If you put a sack of cats in a piano the piano with make meowing sounds when someone plays it,Your foot will still be uninjured after a car is dropped on it,Dont use salami to patch a flat tire,If a guys mouth is full of cement use dynimite,A mallet can be used in place of anastedic,You can take a bath in your clothes

[Flick James]

Violence is a great way to resolve conflict amongst friends and family members. Kind of hard to concentrate much on dysfunctional coping mechanisms when you're in physical pain.

[Killer Bees]

Short ugly men are funny but violent!

[Giant Claw Jr]

If you can spell CHRYSANSIMUM correctly a rich lady will give you a job as her secratary,You can get a free car with a deed in the glove compartment,Stool pigeons are pigeons sitting on a stool,You can go on a fox hunt on a donkey and a bicycle,Peeping Tom got hit in the face with a pie,You can have a big hulking henchman and name him ANGEL,You can wack someone over the head with a mace with no harm,If you get on a hospitals PA system everyone in the hospital will hear you sound effects and all

[Flu-Bird]

The most fancy and expensive hotel had names like COSTA-PLENTY and were filled with breakible valubles that will get broken,iF YOU PUT GLUE on you pancakes you mouth will get glued shut

[Raffine]

If you use a potholder in a cake everybody will be coughing up feathers

Same principle: if you eat a cake decorated with bubble gum (rather than marshmallows) you will cough huge bubbles.

A gun fired at you will only hit you in the rear. There are no bloody wounds afterwards, just smoke.

No matter how short and homely you are the lovely Christine McIntyre will find you adorable.

[Flu-Bird]

If you stick a fork into a newly baked cake it will colapese,Gorlilas like to throw pies,Fillet of sole was from a old boot,If your covered wagon has no horses rig up a sail and wait for a good west wind,How not to build a house,SWINING THE ALPHABETS SONG,If you tilt a pinball game you get wacked over the head with a mallet,

[Giant Claw Jr]

To get someone to climb a telephone pole use a blow tourch, on their rear,When your realy drunk birds can look gigantic,If you drink champagn from the bottle it will come out your ears,When you bonk someone on the head it make a hollow sound,When you squeeze someones nose with a pair of plyers it sounds like the cracking of nuts,When you go ice fishing dont stomp on the ice over the hole you cut or you,ll fall in

[Flu-Bird]

Dont go chasing a cat or dog through your restruant waving a meatcleaver,If you leave a bunch of eggs in a over they will hatch,When your stuck on a ship you get beans three times a day,LOOK AT THE GROUSE,LOOK AT THE GROUSE,nazi spies wear lomg johns with little swastkas on them,Donkeys go on sit down strikes