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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
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Author Topic: The truly terrible joke thread  (Read 48676 times)
Chainsaw midget
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« Reply #330 on: January 23, 2012, 08:47:13 AM »

Allow me to break tradition.  This isn't a joke you tell, this is a joke you do to somebody. 

Tell somebody you have a great trick you want to show them, but you'll need to bill, one dollar bills, five dollar bills, ten, it doesn't matter.  (Change can also work, but I prefer using bills.)  They just need to be two of the same kind of bill. 

Once they hand you bill, tell them to examine them closely.  See if anything is strange about them.  Take both bills and put them behind your back.  Fold them a few times. However many times you do this, isn't important.  Just make it look like you're doing something with them behind your back. 

Hold one bill out in each hand and ask the person, "which one of these did you give me?  Most people will say they gave you both of them.  At that point, you tell them thanks for giving you the money, pocket them, and walk off.   Hey, they just said they gave them to you, right? 
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diamondwaspvenom
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« Reply #331 on: January 23, 2012, 08:56:48 AM »

How do you make a bass player's car more aerodynamic?

Get rid of the friggin' Domino's Pizza sign.
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El Misfit
The bullsh*t meter is up high ಠ__ಠ
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Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #332 on: January 23, 2012, 01:04:33 PM »

How many porn stars does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, you can be screwin light bulbs TeddyR
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yeah no.
diamondwaspvenom
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« Reply #333 on: January 26, 2012, 02:34:07 PM »

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
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El Misfit
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Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #334 on: February 02, 2012, 10:24:18 PM »

What do you call the Sacred Bull? The Holy Cow!!
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yeah no.
Chainsaw midget
Just Another Guy
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« Reply #335 on: February 03, 2012, 02:19:26 AM »

A man was feeling ill so he went to the doctor.  The doctor did a few quick tests and came back with the results. He told the man, "I'm sorry, but it looks like you have a tumor.  We can operate and remove it, but it's going to be very expensive."

The man looked and the doctor and said, "I can't afford that.  I'm broke and I don't have any insurance!" 

The doctor paused for a second and then said, "Well, in that case, you just have a headache.  Go home and sleep it off." 
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Allhallowsday
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #336 on: February 08, 2012, 08:16:33 PM »

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $4990 to $6990, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
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Snivelly
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....a heady mix of ignorance and enthusiasm.


« Reply #337 on: February 09, 2012, 09:19:44 PM »

Here's one I was told by a funny old lady calling for tech support:

How does oral sex taste when you get older?




Depends.





(I hope that's not to risque for this board.)
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't the sport for you.
Allhallowsday
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #338 on: February 09, 2012, 10:31:41 PM »

That reminds me...

What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer...???   Question 

The taste... ... Twirling
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Trevor
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WWW
« Reply #339 on: February 10, 2012, 02:12:11 AM »

That reminds me...

What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer...???   Question 

The taste... ... Twirling

 Buggedout Buggedout+ TeddyR TeddyR TeddyR
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El Misfit
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Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #340 on: February 11, 2012, 12:43:52 AM »

You can't spell u slaughter without us laughter

You can't spell murder without red rum
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Chainsaw midget
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« Reply #341 on: February 12, 2012, 09:38:05 PM »

A man went into the doctor's office.  He told the doctor,"Doc.  I haven't been feeling myself latley and was hoping you could do something to help." 

The Doctor sued him for sexual harassment. 


Later while waiting outside the courtroom another man turns to him.   He says, "You're the guy who's doctor is suing him for 'not feeling himself', right?"

The first man nodded yes. 

The second man continued, "Consider yourself lucky.  I told him I was feeling a little ho(a)rse."
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El Misfit
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Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #342 on: February 16, 2012, 12:24:07 AM »

two fish are in a tank and one of them said do you know how to drive one of these?

Why do hipsters hate the ocean?
It's too current.

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yeah no.
El Misfit
The bullsh*t meter is up high ಠ__ಠ
B-Movie Kraken
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Karma: 734
Posts: 10593


Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #343 on: February 16, 2012, 11:25:23 PM »

How does an idiot call for his dog?
He puts two fingers in his mouth and then shouts Rover.

A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey."
The horse says "Sure."  Wink

What's the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of Wale's?
One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown into the air.

What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

Have you heard the joke about the bed?
It hasn't been made up yet.
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yeah no.
Allhallowsday
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #344 on: February 17, 2012, 02:22:31 PM »

Two muffins are in an oven.  The first muffin says to the second muffin: "Whew!  It's hot in here!" 
The second muffin exclaims: "Ohmigod!  A talking muffin!!" 
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