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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
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Author Topic: The truly terrible joke thread  (Read 52199 times)
Derf
Crazy Rabbity Thingy
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Lagomorphs: menace or underutilized resource?


« Reply #45 on: March 03, 2010, 08:43:33 AM »

Q: What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as it hits a windshield?

A: It's butt.


Did you hear about the blonde terrorist? She tried to blow up a bus, but she burned her lips on the tailpipe.


Shotgun wedding: A wife or death situation.
« Last Edit: March 03, 2010, 08:56:24 AM by Derf » Logged

"They tap dance not, neither do they fart." --Greensleeves, on the Fig Men of the Imagination, in "Twice Upon a Time."
WilliamWeird1313
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Bad taste is just an acquired taste!!!


« Reply #46 on: March 03, 2010, 09:21:15 AM »



The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out.

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy.

The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."



...

Ugh.


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"On a mountain of skulls in a castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood. What was will be, what is will be no more. Now is the season of evil." - Vigo (former Carpathian warlord and one-time Slayer lyric-writer)
Silverlady
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« Reply #47 on: March 03, 2010, 01:52:46 PM »



What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat?  Polly unsaturated

Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan

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Hold onto your dreams ....
Ed, Ego and Superego
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« Reply #48 on: March 03, 2010, 02:54:27 PM »

1) Once a fellow was gardening and could not get his tulips to grow.  He asked his friend how he grew his.  His freind said "Just get some small mammals, puree them in the blender with sugar and use it as fertilizer".  The man was shocked. "Really?" "Yes" Said his friend "Tulips always grow in Hamster Jam."

2) A guy was out jogging and saw a man walking his dog.  At the corner they both stopped and the dog started to lick his parts.   The jogger sn****red and said "Some days I wish I could do that." The dog owner replied "You probably could, but you might want to pet him first."

#2 is my favorite joke ever.

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Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?

Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
Cthulhu
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« Reply #49 on: March 03, 2010, 03:53:13 PM »

Three tomatoes are walking down the street- a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him... and says, Catch up.
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El Misfit
The bullsh*t meter is up high ಠ__ಠ
B-Movie Kraken
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Posts: 10642


Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #50 on: March 03, 2010, 04:16:39 PM »

two cranes walk up to a receptionist. The receptionist asks for their body build, and the two cranes reply that they're cranes. The receptionist has a blank stare, and ask which company are you branded with, Caterpillar, Case, etc?
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yeah no.
zombie #1
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Oookaay...


« Reply #51 on: March 03, 2010, 08:22:40 PM »

Two blondes go out shopping and one buys a mirror. As they're walking home she stares at it curiously and says to her friend "Hey, the woman in this picture really looks familiar, I'm sure I recognize her", so her friend grabs it off her takes one look and goes "of course you recognize her... it's me, you idiot".
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"A whale's throat and blow hole are not connected, therefore escape is impossible.  "
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
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A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #52 on: March 03, 2010, 08:28:06 PM »

A rabbit and a bear are taking a dump side by side in the forest.

The bear looked down at the rabbit and said, "Say there little fellow, do you ever have any problem with s*** sticking to your fur?"

The innocent little rabbit looked up, wide-eyed, and said,
"Why no, Mr. Bear!"

So the bear picked him up and wiped with him.
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Mr. DS
Master Of Cinematic Bowel Movements
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Get this thread cleaned up or YOU'RE FIRED!!!


WWW
« Reply #53 on: March 03, 2010, 08:30:56 PM »

What do a tin roof and a housewife have in common?

If you don't nail them correctly they'll end up at your neighbor's front door. 
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DarkSider's Realm
http://darksidersrealm.blogspot.com/

"You think the honey badger cares?  It doesn't give a sh*t."  Randall
Joe the Destroyer
Guest
« Reply #54 on: March 04, 2010, 01:55:00 AM »

What do Traci Lords and a giant turtle have in common?
When they're both on their back, they're screwed.

---

Why doesn't Santa Claus have any kids? 
He only comes once a year, and it's down a chimney.

---

Hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta way.

---

What's the lightest thing in the world?
A penis.  Even a thought can lift it.
« Last Edit: March 04, 2010, 07:28:38 AM by Joe the Destroyer » Logged
Trevor
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WWW
« Reply #55 on: March 04, 2010, 03:30:40 AM »

A rabbit and a bear are taking a dump side by side in the forest.

The bear looked down at the rabbit and said, "Say there little fellow, do you ever have any problem with s*** sticking to your fur?"

The innocent little rabbit looked up, wide-eyed, and said,
"Why no, Mr. Bear!"

So the bear picked him up and wiped with him.

 TeddyR TeddyR BounceGiggle BounceGiggle
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indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
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Posts: 8403


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #56 on: March 04, 2010, 06:59:23 AM »

I think that is my favorite joke of all time.
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Silverlady
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Karma: 137
Posts: 991



« Reply #57 on: March 04, 2010, 07:36:02 PM »





What do call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A stick

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Hold onto your dreams ....
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 1427
Posts: 8403


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #58 on: March 04, 2010, 07:38:43 PM »

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?



"CHANGE???!!!???"


How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

"SO WHAT ARE YOU REALLY TRYING TO SAY???"
Logged

"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
zombie #1
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 341
Posts: 2467


Oookaay...


« Reply #59 on: March 04, 2010, 09:39:45 PM »

did you hear about the two headless men who had a race?

it was neck and neck
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"A whale's throat and blow hole are not connected, therefore escape is impossible.  "
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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
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