The truly terrible joke thread

[Trevor]

"Do we need any other mole parts, or just molasses?" 

+ 

[Alex]

Two brothers were arrested by the police today. They found one drinking battery acid while the other was eating fireworks.

In the end, they charged one but let the other off.





My girlfriend thinks I am pretentious. She walked in on me the other day while I was reading a book on existential philosophy and said "Oh my god! Are you for real?"

I answered "Well that's what I am trying to figure out."

[RCMerchant]

You know whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

I've never had a garbonzo bean on my face!

 

[Alex]

Hey teenagers, I have a tide pod challange for you!

Put one in a washing machine and do the damn laundry.

[AoTFan]

The police officer told me that anything I said can and would be held against me.

I said, "BOOBIES!!"

And they were like, "Damn, you're good!"

[ER]

My six-year-old told me this one...

Why was the computer tired when he got home?

(Because he had a hard drive.)

[ER]

An Irishman went into the pub with his wife, and after a few pints he remarked, "My God in Heaven, how I do love you, my dear!"

His wife blushed and asked, "Gosh, is that you or the beer that's talking?"

The Irishman said, "I'm talking TO the beer..."

[Pacman000]

The police officer told me that anything I said can and would be held against me.

I said, "BOOBIES!!"

And they were like, "Damn, you're good!"

Que?



(Pic From: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Blue-footed_Booby_Comparison.jpg Licensed as CC-Attribution-Share Alike)

[AoTFan]

The police officer told me that anything I said can and would be held against me.

I said, "BOOBIES!!"

And they were like, "Damn, you're good!"

Que?



(Pic From: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Blue-footed_Booby_Comparison.jpg Licensed as CC-Attribution-Share Alike)

Weird.. I didn't know there were birds called boobies.  I DID know there were birds called tits though.  



Whoever names birds seems to be preoccupied with something...

[RCMerchant]

What happens when the world stops revolving? 

DEATH

[Leah]

Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He didn't see that well.

[RCMerchant]

How many Polacks does it take to turn in a light bulb? 

NONE. I MURDERED THEM IN THEIR SLEEP.

[RCMerchant]

What's RED and WHITE and screams in a blender!





A big headline, boys! Print it on Page ONE!



That one even kils me. I been making these jokes up-but that one was funny! 

[Alex]

How does Moses make teas?
Hebrews.



I found an origami porn channel.
Shame its paper view only.


When the Titanic sank almost all of the zodiac signs managed to survive.
All except Leo.

[Leah]

I bet the shovel was a ground breaking invention.