The truly terrible joke thread

[Svengoolie 3]

A weasel walked into a bar. The bar tender looks at the weasel and says "I have never served a weasel before, this is exciting! What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel

Nice rack and thighs, but by the time I got done tying her down to the bed i'd be too tired to do her.... 

You don't tie someone to a bed to get that person to have sex with you, Sven, you tie someone to a bed to get that person to marry you. Duh.

Some women like things they wouldn't dream of letting someone personally close to them know they like.

[RCMerchant]

A weasel walked into a bar. The bar tender looks at the weasel and says "I have never served a weasel before, this is exciting! What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel

Nice rack and thighs, but by the time I got done tying her down to the bed i'd be too tired to do her.... 

You don't tie someone to a bed to get that person to have sex with you, Sven, you tie someone to a bed to get that person to marry you. Duh.

Or to kill her.

[Svengoolie 3]

A weasel walked into a bar. The bar tender looks at the weasel and says "I have never served a weasel before, this is exciting! What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel

Nice rack and thighs, but by the time I got done tying her down to the bed i'd be too tired to do her....  

You don't tie someone to a bed to get that person to have sex with you, Sven, you tie someone to a bed to get that person to marry you. Duh.

Or to kill her.

No no no RC! Sheesh you squares have no idea...

Do you know how hard it is to find a woman who's into this? And YES, I only do consensual kinky stuff.

So when you find  one willing to go into some of this stuff you damn well treat her right and make sure she enjoys it. And with the right aids she can  'enjoy it' 6-7 times easy. The guy is lucky if he enjoys it 3 times....

And honestly,  if women in various forms of restraint wasn't a turn on to a lot of people why do so many  normal movies have scenes featuring it,  hmm?  Hell the original wonder woman comics were practically just bondage  illustrated. The perils of Pauline were  all women in peril,  so many republic serials had that and do i have to mention temple of doom?

[Svengoolie 3]

Back to jokes....


What's  the difference between atheists and trump supporters?

Atheists are honest about not caring what the bible says.

[Leah]

I hear all of the weather jokes just pours on in

[ER]

A weasel walked into a bar. The bar tender looks at the weasel and says "I have never served a weasel before, this is exciting! What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel

Nice rack and thighs, but by the time I got done tying her down to the bed i'd be too tired to do her....  

You don't tie someone to a bed to get that person to have sex with you, Sven, you tie someone to a bed to get that person to marry you. Duh.

Or to kill her.

No no no RC! Sheesh you squares have no idea...

Do you know how hard it is to find a woman who's into this? And YES, I only do consensual kinky stuff.

So when you find  one willing to go into some of this stuff you damn well treat her right and make sure she enjoys it. And with the right aids she can  'enjoy it' 6-7 times easy. The guy is lucky if he enjoys it 3 times....

And honestly,  if women in various forms of restraint wasn't a turn on to a lot of people why do so many  normal movies have scenes featuring it,  hmm?  Hell the original wonder woman comics were practically just bondage  illustrated. The perils of Pauline were  all women in peril,  so many republic serials had that and do i have to mention temple of doom?

Interestingly, most profilers say that a sexual predilection towards binding someone is less about dominance or sadism than it is insecurity, and a lack of personal confidence.

[RCMerchant]

What did the cow say when she drank all the milk out of the bucket?
"It all comes back to me now..."

[Svengoolie 3]

Me: I have a half brother.

Someone else: Different mother or father?

Me:  Shark attack.

[indianasmith]

From one of my freshmen on the first day of school:  What's brown and sticky?  A stick!!

[Svengoolie 3]

Why is a haply computer programmer like Tasha Yar?

They both love Data entry.

[ER]

What did the chicken say to the egg after they made love?
"Guess we've answered that old question."

[Svengoolie 3]

A really hot blonde is standing on the endfe of a bridge obviously preparing to throw herself off it into the waters below.

A guy walking by on the bridge stops and says "Committing suicide,  huh? "

The woman sobs "Yes! "

The guy says "Well hey,  if you're gonna kill yourself anyway wanna  have sex one last time first? "

The woman screams "HELL NO YOIU SICK SELFISH PRICK! "

The guy shrugs and says "Ok then,  i'll just wait till your body washes up on shore then. "

Hey!  The thread says "truly terrible joke thread"!

[ER]

A really hot blonde is standing on the endfe of a bridge obviously preparing to throw herself off it into the waters below.

A guy walking by on the bridge stops and says "Committing suicide,  huh? "

The woman sobs "Yes! "

The guy says "Well hey,  if you're gonna kill yourself anyway wanna  have sex one last time first? "

The woman screams "HELL NO YOIU SICK SELFISH PRICK! "

The guy shrugs and says "Ok then,  i'll just wait till your body washes up on shore then. "

Hey!  The thread says "truly terrible joke thread"!

I love that joke.

[Svengoolie 3]

A man protesting police brutality has begalun stealing wheels off police cars in Alabama, leaving them sitting on concrete blocks.

Alabama police are working tirelessly to stop him.

[Svengoolie 3]

Dumb Donald just tweeted "Nothing's made in America anymore!  I just got a new tv it said bullt in antenna. Ive never even heard of that country! Sad! "