You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

[AndyC]

We also get a message saying it is not necessary to dial a 1 when calling this number.

That's another one that bugs me. If it can tell me the 1 isn't needed, why can't it just disregard the 1?

[bob]

I live in Wisconsin. As I'm sure most of you are aware there is a big recall election taking place here June 5. For the past few weeks I cannot escape ads for any of the candidates running: when I'm listening to the radio on my car, during commericials for the few TV shows I watch, in my email , my mail, the phone calls, the internet and in the newspaper. It's annoying the hell out of me.

I'm just across the border in Minnesota.  We get our local news from a TV station in Wisconsin, and that's the lead, and pretty much only story on the news every night.  Good grief, they don't give presidential elections 1/10th as much coverage   

I just wanna know if it's gonna rain tomorrow for chrissakes!

this has been taken to another level the last few days

people representing the political parties have litereally been ringing the doorbell asking who I'm going to vote for and when. And do not get me started on the seemingly 20 phonecalls today from political people...caller ID rocks

I'm imagining it's going to be 50 times worse with ads and calls  tomrorow since the election is tomorrow

[AndyC]

people representing the political parties have litereally been ringing the doorbell asking who I'm going to vote for and when. And do not get me started on the seemingly 20 phonecalls today from political people...caller ID rocks

I'm imagining it's going to be 50 times worse with ads and calls  tomrorow since the election is tomorrow

During a provincial election a few years ago, I had somebody phone me up on behalf of a candidate (who I really did intend to vote for), and ask me who I was voting for. My response flustered him a bit.

"I was going to vote for your guy until you interrupted my dinner. Now I think I'll vote for whoever doesn't call me up out of the blue, wanting to know things that are none of his damn business."

I don't distinguish between unsolicited phonecalls. A telemarketer is a telemarketer, regardless of whether he thinks what he's doing is different. I once had somebody phone me about a charity I supported. I told him I supported the charity and I would love to make a donation, but I will not support the use of telemarketing. Sorry. Of course, he insisted he wasn't a telemarketer. I said "You spend hours cold-calling strangers off a list and asking for something. You're a telemarketer." If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. The effect on me is the same.

I don't have a problem with door-to-door canvassers though, for charities, candidates, etc. That's at least making an effort to be a little more personal. I still won't give them any money unless I know them, however.

As for the scammy buggers who show up at the door asking to see my gas bill, they get the sendoff I used to reserve for Jehovah's Witnesses.

[alandhopewell]

     People who, when you decide to do something nice for them, become demanding and insistent.

     One of our neighbors, an elderly woman, attends the same church Trace and I do. We were asked by one of the church ladies if we'd give her a ride to services, and we agreed. She lives in the same complex as we do, so we arranged to pick her up Sunday morning.

     Trace called her Sunday morning to check, and the woman told her that she'd be bringing her infant granddaughter, and to pick her up at her daughter's apartment, accross the way from hers; no biggie. We get there, and the woman dawdled for near half an hour, insisted that Trace carry the baby, and complained about all and sundry on the ride there, and up until the start of Sunday School. Also, she seemed to resent the fact that Trace had to go to work at one, and couldn't take her to evening services.

     Another couple offered to take her home. The following Sunday, we were both sick, and didn't go to church. This past Sunday, we picked her up, and she griped about not being able to go, and made sure everyone in Sunday School knew she wasn't there the previous week because we "called her, and SAID we were sick."

     I talked to the Pastor to see if the church could give her a ride, and he told me we weren't the only ones who'd asked him that, for the same reason.

[tracy]

    People who, when you decide to do something nice for them, become demanding and insistent.

     One of our neighbors, an elderly woman, attends the same church Trace and I do. We were asked by one of the church ladies if we'd give her a ride to services, and we agreed. She lives in the same complex as we do, so we arranged to pick her up Sunday morning.

     Trace called her Sunday morning to check, and the woman told her that she'd be bringing her infant granddaughter, and to pick her up at her daughter's apartment, accross the way from hers; no biggie. We get there, and the woman dawdled for near half an hour, insisted that Trace carry the baby, and complained about all and sundry on the ride there, and up until the start of Sunday School. Also, she seemed to resent the fact that Trace had to go to work at one, and couldn't take her to evening services.

     Another couple offered to take her home. The following Sunday, we were both sick, and didn't go to church. This past Sunday, we picked her up, and she griped about not being able to go, and made sure everyone in Sunday School knew she wasn't there the previous week because we "called her, and SAID we were sick."

     I talked to the Pastor to see if the church could give her a ride, and he told me we weren't the only ones who'd asked him that, for the same reason.

I try very hard to be easy to get along with and helpful....but I get rudeness,impatience and demands  every day at work. I just don't need any more of it in my private life. Especially when I've offered my time and the person is not only not appreciative but goes around telling folks that I was "supposedly" sick. I stand on my feet 9-10 hours a day at work....no breaks or lunch....so I'm pretty tired afterwards. It catches up with me from time to time....I'm no spring chicken anymore.

[AndyC]

     People who, when you decide to do something nice for them, become demanding and insistent.

     One of our neighbors, an elderly woman, attends the same church Trace and I do. We were asked by one of the church ladies if we'd give her a ride to services, and we agreed. She lives in the same complex as we do, so we arranged to pick her up Sunday morning.

     Trace called her Sunday morning to check, and the woman told her that she'd be bringing her infant granddaughter, and to pick her up at her daughter's apartment, accross the way from hers; no biggie. We get there, and the woman dawdled for near half an hour, insisted that Trace carry the baby, and complained about all and sundry on the ride there, and up until the start of Sunday School. Also, she seemed to resent the fact that Trace had to go to work at one, and couldn't take her to evening services.

     Another couple offered to take her home. The following Sunday, we were both sick, and didn't go to church. This past Sunday, we picked her up, and she griped about not being able to go, and made sure everyone in Sunday School knew she wasn't there the previous week because we "called her, and SAID we were sick."

     I talked to the Pastor to see if the church could give her a ride, and he told me we weren't the only ones who'd asked him that, for the same reason.

There's one in every church. At least there's been one in every church I've attended - sometimes more.

[ulthar]

How about when you ask a question in a group and get every answer except to the question you asked...then end up looking (and feeling) like the bad guy, or worse, for pressing the issue.

It involves a sport group my children are involved in - a registered Non-Profit based on volunteer leaders.  Several times in the past six months or so comments have been to the effect of "we don't have any money."  In the most recent case, it was in regards to participating in a city wide festival which as a fee of about $215.

Now, the 'dues' for families to participate should be netting the group roughly $2000 per year, and that's on the LOW side.  They keep saying "we are full," which should be up to double that, and they keep saying the annual expenses are several HUNDRED dollars.  Plus, they carried over about $3000 from last year.

So, I asked why the excuse of "no money" keeps being made when from everything I've heard I conclude there IS money there.  If they don't want to spent it, that's a separate issue, and I was VERY clear that I was separating my question from that decision.

My point is that I don't see how spending $300 and having $3000 leads to the (oft repeated) statement of "we are operating on pennies."

Then I got all kinds of cockamamie excuses and tangential remarks that had NOTHING to do with this question, and when I tried to clarify that I know what we pay to participate, I can see how many others are participating and I've been told what the expenses have been...how can lack of money be the real issue?

Today I was told I was appalling because I was accusing the group of stealing.  No, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I just want to know why the numbers don't add up.  They could tell me to mind my own business - that it's not my concern, but instead I get a bunch of smoke and mirror 'excuses' that are completely irrelevant.

I was also told my "tone" is making people uncomfortable.

If anything, their answers are creating a suspicion more so than my merely asking the question.

The sad part, from my perspective, is that my dealings with this group have been exactly this from the beginning.  I'm torn because my children enjoy participating, but my relationship with the adults has completely decayed to the point of now open animosity.  It does not help that I'm an "outsider" and pretty much all the remaining adults involved have been friends a long time.

One of the leaders provided the information I asked for, and indeed, the numbers do not add up to the statement "we are out of money" in its various guises, and he stated that plainly as well.  I privately emailed him my thanks.

Thanks for the vent.  I am feeling VERY beat up today and oscillate between strong anger and deep sadness/remorse.

[Newt]

How about when you ask a question in a group and get every answer except to the question you asked...then end up looking (and feeling) like the bad guy, or worse, for pressing the issue.

It involves a sport group my children are involved in - a registered Non-Profit based on volunteer leaders.  Several times in the past six months or so comments have been to the effect of "we don't have any money." 

...I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I just want to know why the numbers don't add up. 

...If anything, their answers are creating a suspicion more so than my merely asking the question.

...One of the leaders provided the information I asked for, and indeed, the numbers do not add up to the statement "we are out of money" in its various guises, and he stated that plainly as well. 

If it is a registered Non-Profit, are they not obligated to provide financial statements to the membership and the public in order to maintain that status?  'Open books'?  Such organisations are required to do so where I am - and to submit their books to a yearly audit as well.  Sad to say it does smell as though something is hinky on the money end of things: explains the guilty reactions.

[Newt]

When I place my cursor on some text, hold down the left button, and move my cursor to the right, that means I want to highlight what's to the right of where I placed my cursor.  It doesn't mean I also want stuff to the left to automatically be highlighted, or everything in the whole box to be highlighted.  For f***'s sake man, it ain't rocket science.

I know your pain.

I thought I was the only one.

What the heck??  Now it is doing it to me too when I try to reply here - AND the screen is jumping all over the place when I type so I cannot SEE where I am typing!  What is going on??

[indianasmith]

Newt - click the "Compatibility View" icon at the top of your browser.  That'll fix it.

Back to things that grind my gears -

CHIGGERS!!!! Can't see them, can't smell them, can't touch them - but MAN, can you feel them!!!!!

[alandhopewell]

How about when you ask a question in a group and get every answer except to the question you asked...then end up looking (and feeling) like the bad guy, or worse, for pressing the issue.

It involves a sport group my children are involved in - a registered Non-Profit based on volunteer leaders.  Several times in the past six months or so comments have been to the effect of "we don't have any money." 

...I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I just want to know why the numbers don't add up. 

...If anything, their answers are creating a suspicion more so than my merely asking the question.

...One of the leaders provided the information I asked for, and indeed, the numbers do not add up to the statement "we are out of money" in its various guises, and he stated that plainly as well. 

If it is a registered Non-Profit, are they not obligated to provide financial statements to the membership and the public in order to maintain that status?  'Open books'?  Such organisations are required to do so where I am - and to submit their books to a yearly audit as well.  Sad to say it does smell as though something is hinky on the money end of things: explains the guilty reactions.

     What he said.

[AndyC]

How about when you ask a question in a group and get every answer except to the question you asked...then end up looking (and feeling) like the bad guy, or worse, for pressing the issue.

It involves a sport group my children are involved in - a registered Non-Profit based on volunteer leaders.  Several times in the past six months or so comments have been to the effect of "we don't have any money." 

...I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I just want to know why the numbers don't add up. 

...If anything, their answers are creating a suspicion more so than my merely asking the question.

...One of the leaders provided the information I asked for, and indeed, the numbers do not add up to the statement "we are out of money" in its various guises, and he stated that plainly as well. 

If it is a registered Non-Profit, are they not obligated to provide financial statements to the membership and the public in order to maintain that status?  'Open books'?  Such organisations are required to do so where I am - and to submit their books to a yearly audit as well.  Sad to say it does smell as though something is hinky on the money end of things: explains the guilty reactions.

Might not be any thievery going on. It could just as easily be their way of blowing off ideas from anyone who isn't one of the gang. They'd like to do such-and-such, but there just isn't any money.

My wife was annoyed with the local figure skating club last fall, when she was handed a book of raffle tickets and told that everyone had to sell a minimum number of them. This was something that was never discussed when everyone signed their kids up. She had some ethical and professional problems participating in even a small form of gambling, and said so. Aside from one or two other moms with similar concerns, the general response was "What's the big deal? It's only a raffle." She also offered to do some volunteer work instead, and this one old bat actually said to her "We don't need your time, we need your money." Basically, she could sell her quota of tickets or cough up an equivalent amount of money out of her own pocket.

Everybody paid a fee to sign up that should have been enough to cover ice rental and basic coaching. The extra money is apparently for tournaments and professional coaching for the few girls who are serious about skating competitively, but the families who are just looking to get their kids skating lessons and some fun exercise still have to participate in raising it.

As it turned out, she didn't sell the tickets or pay for them, and that was that. Some parents who had no moral concerns just didn't bother to sell theirs. But plenty of tickets got sold just the same.

[Pacman000]

How about when you ask a question in a group and get every answer except to the question you asked...then end up looking (and feeling) like the bad guy, or worse, for pressing the issue.

It involves a sport group my children are involved in - a registered Non-Profit based on volunteer leaders.  Several times in the past six months or so comments have been to the effect of "we don't have any money."  In the most recent case, it was in regards to participating in a city wide festival which as a fee of about $215.

Now, the 'dues' for families to participate should be netting the group roughly $2000 per year, and that's on the LOW side.  They keep saying "we are full," which should be up to double that, and they keep saying the annual expenses are several HUNDRED dollars.  Plus, they carried over about $3000 from last year.

So, I asked why the excuse of "no money" keeps being made when from everything I've heard I conclude there IS money there.  If they don't want to spent it, that's a separate issue, and I was VERY clear that I was separating my question from that decision.

My point is that I don't see how spending $300 and having $3000 leads to the (oft repeated) statement of "we are operating on pennies."

Then I got all kinds of cockamamie excuses and tangential remarks that had NOTHING to do with this question, and when I tried to clarify that I know what we pay to participate, I can see how many others are participating and I've been told what the expenses have been...how can lack of money be the real issue?

Today I was told I was appalling because I was accusing the group of stealing.  No, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I just want to know why the numbers don't add up.  They could tell me to mind my own business - that it's not my concern, but instead I get a bunch of smoke and mirror 'excuses' that are completely irrelevant.

I was also told my "tone" is making people uncomfortable.

If anything, their answers are creating a suspicion more so than my merely asking the question.

The sad part, from my perspective, is that my dealings with this group have been exactly this from the beginning.  I'm torn because my children enjoy participating, but my relationship with the adults has completely decayed to the point of now open animosity.  It does not help that I'm an "outsider" and pretty much all the remaining adults involved have been friends a long time.

One of the leaders provided the information I asked for, and indeed, the numbers do not add up to the statement "we are out of money" in its various guises, and he stated that plainly as well.  I privately emailed him my thanks.

Thanks for the vent.  I am feeling VERY beat up today and oscillate between strong anger and deep sadness/remorse.

Perhaps they don't literally mean "we have no money."  Perhaps they mean "we have no extra money to spend on whatever you suggested." 

[ulthar]

If it is a registered Non-Profit, are they not obligated to provide financial statements to the membership and the public in order to maintain that status?  'Open books'?  Such organisations are required to do so where I am - and to submit their books to a yearly audit as well.  Sad to say it does smell as though something is hinky on the money end of things: explains the guilty reactions.

That's what I thought, too.  From one of the emails from Person X (** more on this label below):

"Some of these questions would best be answered by a financial statement from the Board. What you're looking for is a statement of cash flows, which is reasonable to expect periodically but not on demand."

{my emphasis}

Might not be any thievery going on. It could just as easily be their way of blowing off ideas from anyone who isn't one of the gang. They'd like to do such-and-such, but there just isn't any money.

and

Perhaps they don't literally mean "we have no money."  Perhaps they mean "we have no extra money to spend on whatever you suggested." 

Both very good points, which is why I was very clear in explicitly stating that I was separating the issue of this 'event' and the generalized statement of "no money" in my question.  That is, I said that whether or not to spend the money on this event is a Board of Directors issue, but I simply wanted to know in simple language what money is available and if it is in fact none, where has it all gone.

My calculations showed there should be at least $3000 in the bank and no big looming operational expenses.  This was confirmed by the Board Member who finally answered my question.  He also commented that Person X was pretty much wrong to characterize the financial situation as he had.

There's a TON more I could...there's some backstory that might be interesting, but it's convoluted (as these things usually are).  Suffice it to say that this

The extra money is apparently for tournaments and professional coaching for the few girls who are serious about skating competitively, but the families who are just looking to get their kids skating lessons and some fun exercise still have to participate in raising it.

is the essence of a similar mess I got into with them over the winter...a select few wanted to RAISE THE DUES for everybody but them, so they could afford to hire a professional coach that would ONLY BENEFIT THEIR OWN CHILDREN.  Several of us got a little PO'd, as you can imagine.

Back to Person X.  The short version of this whole mess is that he should have just kept his email "mouth" shut, since he really did not know the financials, he was just trying to toot-off as how important he was, and the Board member essentially said as such.

The problem is, he's the type that ended up twisting everything around and he got VERY personal in his remarks to me...simply because I was not buying his irrelevant BS and shutting up and sitting in the corner like a good little lamb.

In the end, I guess he got his way...I'm out.  I've got other things on which to expend my spiritual energy than fighting with him and a couple of others (oh boy, the personal dynamics here).

The funny thing is...and get this.  No freaking lie.

Person X went on and on about how this is a VOLUNTEER organization and how that was supposed to justify his remarks about not having the money to spend.  Okay, but the problem is that *I* was the only single adult leader that participated in EVERY SINGLE ONE of the Spring events, on two separate occasions filling in for Person X on the fly when he had committed to being there and did not show up without even telling anyone he could not be there.

There's not a single one of the "insiders" that has spent more time actually working with the children this year.  My son is the only one of the youth that showed up and participated in every single scheduled Spring event.  My daughter was there, too, but could not participate due to a broken bone.

To be fair, Person X has done a lot of behind the scenes stuff, and organized some work days that I could not participate in due to other family obligations...I'm not really trying to have a peeing match over who has done more.  What I am saying is that I have been directly involved and have put in one huge hell of a lot of work to help make the program succeed, and really don't understand why THAT has not earned me at least the right to ask the question I asked without being called "appalling" and other such labels.

I'm just having a hard time letting it go, which is what I need to do.  Here it is three days later and I'm still very bitter and raw - and not just a little hurt - over this.  As stupid as that last sentence sounds, this is really bugging me.  In part it's bugging me because I don't want my children caught up in this kind of crap - they liked going there, but we've talked about it in the past, and we have worked out alternatives.

Man, people suck.  Present company excepted, of course.   

[AndyC]

Volunteer organization. Standard argument for deflecting criticism or unwanted questions.

"Nobody's getting paid to do this you know. We don't have to be here. How dare you say such things about these people who are here out of the goodness of their hearts."

A real BS artist can take a highly specific complaint about leadership and turn it into a slam against the whole organization.