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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  (Sarcastic List) The Great American Menu: Foods Of The States, Ranked And Mapped « previous next »
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Author Topic: (Sarcastic List) The Great American Menu: Foods Of The States, Ranked And Mapped  (Read 1142 times)
El Misfit
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Listen here you little s**t.


« on: November 02, 2013, 12:04:31 PM »

This list is sarcastic, you'll see why. Enjoy and laugh, if you do not, then you are a rebel and will be terminated.
http://deadspin.com/the-great-american-menu-foods-of-the-states-ranked-an-1349137024
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zelmo73
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« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2013, 01:39:30 PM »

I am a rebel. I'm also an Alaskan Native, which is the indigenous ethnic term versus "Native Alaskan", who is someone that is simply born in Alaska. Okay, I guess I can qualify as both. But anyway...

Quote
47. Akutaq (Alaska)

Say this for akutaq, Alaska's putrid mixture of whipped fat (usually vegetable shortening; traditionally blubber) and berries: What it lacks in, um, not being f**king disgusting, it more than makes up for in the rich lipids and antioxidants the hardy people of the Last Frontier need to get through their pitch-dark "days" of drilling for oil, hunting kidnapped prostitutes across the tundra, and starving to death in abandoned buses.


Akutaq is a delicacy of my Eskimo people. While the ingredients sound repulsive, they are no more repulsive than anything else that you will often find down at your local grocery store. Either way, akutaq is about as cultural to us as tzimmes are to the Jews.

So with that being said, the author of this piece, Albert Burneko, can go and f**k himself. No seriously, this douchebag comes from the state of Virginia, known for their peanuts and ham. How generically stupid and backwoods is that? Now, how does it feel that I've just insulted an entire state? Any Virginians in here? HA HA! You all suck! Hey look, I can be funny, sarcastic, and offensive too!  BounceGiggle

Actually, I think this piece from a Cincinnati periodical rips this a***ole a new a***ole (is that redundant?) rather well:

Quote
COLUMN: Deadspin article calls Cincinnati Chili 'horrifying diarrhea sludge'

CINCINNATI -- Oh no he didn't.

To the annoyance of Cincinnatians near and far, an article recently published slams Cincinnati Chili in every way possible. The writer goes so far as to say getting hit by a car is better than the “horrifying diarrhea sludge” we have made a main food group in the Queen City.

As a Cincinnati girl born and raised, I have a few choice words for Deadspin article author , Albert Burneko: You've forever made an enemy of our amazing city.

Burneko, originally from a state known for peanuts and ham (so what does he really know, anyway?), has angered Cincinnati natives everywhere by questioning and calling out our deep-rooted chili culture.

Generations of Cincinnatians have grown up on the Greek-inspired dish and I will go out on a limb to say we are none too pleased with the hateful and rude description of our beloved food and those who enjoy it.

Not only does Burneko rate Cincinnati Chili dead last, right behind getting hit by a car (slightly obnoxious, man), he describes it as “the worst regional foodstuff in America or anywhere else,” and a “bad-tasting Z-grade atrocity.”

Burneko doesn't stop at ripping Cincinnati chili, but the Ohioans that consider it a staple.

“The only thing ‘chili’ about it is the shiver that goes down your spine when you watch Ohio sports fans shoveling it into their maws on television and are forced to reckon with the cold reality that, for as desperately as you might cling to faltering notions of community and universality, ultimately your fellow human beings are as foreign and unknowable to you as the surface of Pluto, and you are alone and always have been and will die alone, a world unto yourself unmarked and unmapped and totally, hopelessly isolated.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but did he just write Cincinnatians will die alone due to our love of chili? Who is this detestable hack?

READ MORE: The 'Nati responds to the chili-bashing

Not to mention he rates Chicago-style deep-dish pizza as No. 1. How generic, dude. Please be a little more creative next time. At least our town is known for something other than pizza, which almost every town in America claims it cooks up with some "unique" style.

“Cincinnati chili is the worst, saddest, most depressing ******* thing in the world,” Burkeno writes. “If it came out of the end of your digestive system, you would turn the color of chalk and call an ambulance, but at least it'd make some sense. The people of Ohio see nothing wrong with inserting it into their mouths, which perhaps tells you everything you need to know about the Buckeye State. Don't eat it. Don't let your loved ones eat it. Turn away from the darkness, and toward the deep-dish pizza.”

Don't worry, Burneko doesn't stop there, he continues his repulsive rant aimed at bordering states Kentucky and Indiana.

He ranks Kentucky "Burgoo" at No. 12 and writes, "Kentucky's signature food, a whatever-you-got stew that never tastes the same twice, gets a million imaginary bonus points for its wonderful communal nature: People just bring whatever ingredients they can, and everybody puts what they've got into the stew, and out comes burgoo, and that is just ******* beautiful, even though in reality probably 78 percent of its ingredients were scraped off I-64 with a snow shovel."

Classy, isn't he?

Indiana doesn't get out of Burneko's trash talking either, with its fried pork tenderloin sandwich coming in at No. 35. He writes, "This is a crispy chicken sandwich, only with a big, chewy sheaf of salty pig in place of the juicy, marinated chicken breast. It is neither particularly interesting nor particularly original. It is the signature food of Indiana, which, of course it is."

Is it possible to dislike someone more?


http://www.wcpo.com/web/wcpo/news/local-news/deadspin-article-calls-cincinnati-chili-horrifying-diarrhea-sludge


Cheers
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The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says "Make me one with everything!"
FatFreddysCat
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« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2013, 02:06:19 PM »

I take issue with the list's naming of Salt Water Taffy as the official New Jersey food. Everyone knows the official New Jersey food is the taylor ham, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich (with salt, pepper and ketchup) on a roll!! TeddyR

... although I do agree with the writer, Salt Water Taffy is fuggin' nasty. Haha.
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Jack
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« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2013, 04:18:09 PM »

Quote
Hotdish (Minnesota)

This is basically the same thing as Kansas's hamburger casserole—some meat, some starch, some mushy overcooked vegetables, and some canned soup, dumped into a deep pan and baked for a while—only with a name that makes it sound like Rod Stewart should be humping its leg in a London disco in 1974.

Yup that's us.  Yesterday's leftovers + 3 cans of various vegetables (whatever's been sitting in the back of the cupboard for longer than anybody can remember) + 2 cans of cream of mushroom soup.  Dump some milk in there too because every recipe should have some milk in it.  Good people might add a layer of tater tots over the top, evil people (and there are plenty of those in Minnesota) will hide large quantities of broccoli beneath the surface.
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El Misfit
The bullsh*t meter is up high ಠ__ಠ
B-Movie Kraken
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Karma: 734
Posts: 10593


Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2013, 04:30:10 PM »


So with that being said, the author of this piece, Albert Burneko, can go and f**k himself. No seriously, this douchebag comes from the state of Virginia, known for their peanuts and ham. How generically stupid and backwoods is that? Now, how does it feel that I've just insulted an entire state? Any Virginians in here? HA HA! You all suck! Hey look, I can be funny, sarcastic, and offensive too!  BounceGiggle

Actually, I think this piece from a Cincinnati periodical rips this a***ole a new a***ole (is that redundant?) rather well:

Quote
COLUMN: Deadspin article calls Cincinnati Chili 'horrifying diarrhea sludge'

CINCINNATI -- Oh no he didn't.

To the annoyance of Cincinnatians near and far, an article recently published slams Cincinnati Chili in every way possible. The writer goes so far as to say getting hit by a car is better than the “horrifying diarrhea sludge” we have made a main food group in the Queen City.

As a Cincinnati girl born and raised, I have a few choice words for Deadspin article author , Albert Burneko: You've forever made an enemy of our amazing city.

Burneko, originally from a state known for peanuts and ham (so what does he really know, anyway?), has angered Cincinnati natives everywhere by questioning and calling out our deep-rooted chili culture.

Generations of Cincinnatians have grown up on the Greek-inspired dish and I will go out on a limb to say we are none too pleased with the hateful and rude description of our beloved food and those who enjoy it.

Not only does Burneko rate Cincinnati Chili dead last, right behind getting hit by a car (slightly obnoxious, man), he describes it as “the worst regional foodstuff in America or anywhere else,” and a “bad-tasting Z-grade atrocity.”

Burneko doesn't stop at ripping Cincinnati chili, but the Ohioans that consider it a staple.

“The only thing ‘chili’ about it is the shiver that goes down your spine when you watch Ohio sports fans shoveling it into their maws on television and are forced to reckon with the cold reality that, for as desperately as you might cling to faltering notions of community and universality, ultimately your fellow human beings are as foreign and unknowable to you as the surface of Pluto, and you are alone and always have been and will die alone, a world unto yourself unmarked and unmapped and totally, hopelessly isolated.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but did he just write Cincinnatians will die alone due to our love of chili? Who is this detestable hack?

READ MORE: The 'Nati responds to the chili-bashing

Not to mention he rates Chicago-style deep-dish pizza as No. 1. How generic, dude. Please be a little more creative next time. At least our town is known for something other than pizza, which almost every town in America claims it cooks up with some "unique" style.

“Cincinnati chili is the worst, saddest, most depressing ******* thing in the world,” Burkeno writes. “If it came out of the end of your digestive system, you would turn the color of chalk and call an ambulance, but at least it'd make some sense. The people of Ohio see nothing wrong with inserting it into their mouths, which perhaps tells you everything you need to know about the Buckeye State. Don't eat it. Don't let your loved ones eat it. Turn away from the darkness, and toward the deep-dish pizza.”

Don't worry, Burneko doesn't stop there, he continues his repulsive rant aimed at bordering states Kentucky and Indiana.

He ranks Kentucky "Burgoo" at No. 12 and writes, "Kentucky's signature food, a whatever-you-got stew that never tastes the same twice, gets a million imaginary bonus points for its wonderful communal nature: People just bring whatever ingredients they can, and everybody puts what they've got into the stew, and out comes burgoo, and that is just ******* beautiful, even though in reality probably 78 percent of its ingredients were scraped off I-64 with a snow shovel."

Classy, isn't he?

Indiana doesn't get out of Burneko's trash talking either, with its fried pork tenderloin sandwich coming in at No. 35. He writes, "This is a crispy chicken sandwich, only with a big, chewy sheaf of salty pig in place of the juicy, marinated chicken breast. It is neither particularly interesting nor particularly original. It is the signature food of Indiana, which, of course it is."

Is it possible to dislike someone more?


http://www.wcpo.com/web/wcpo/news/local-news/deadspin-article-calls-cincinnati-chili-horrifying-diarrhea-sludge


Cheers


To put it in a since, this is how I view him

He is a troll, he wrote paragraphs on how to eat a Popeye's Biscuit. That should tip you off. Wink
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Newt
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« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2013, 06:07:49 PM »

Quote
Hotdish (Minnesota)

This is basically the same thing as Kansas's hamburger casserole—some meat, some starch, some mushy overcooked vegetables, and some canned soup, dumped into a deep pan and baked for a while—only with a name that makes it sound like Rod Stewart should be humping its leg in a London disco in 1974.

Yup that's us.  Yesterday's leftovers + 3 cans of various vegetables (whatever's been sitting in the back of the cupboard for longer than anybody can remember) + 2 cans of cream of mushroom soup.  Dump some milk in there too because every recipe should have some milk in it.  Good people might add a layer of tater tots over the top, evil people (and there are plenty of those in Minnesota) will hide large quantities of broccoli beneath the surface.

 BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle  Stop it!  I can't breathe!  I thought that was a North Dakota thing!  BounceGiggle BounceGiggle You're right about the broccoli, too.

(My parents moved to ND in 1979.  It was quite the culture shock.)

And I'm afraid he was right about the lutefisk.   TongueOut
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zelmo73
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« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2013, 06:16:26 PM »

To put it in a since, this is how I view him

He is a troll, he wrote paragraphs on how to eat a Popeye's Biscuit. That should tip you off. Wink


I kinda figured that. I wasn't knocking you at all, El Misfit. I do not kill the messenger, especially one that is waving the Sarcasm Flag. I just saw an opportune moment to trash the troll in question.

Yes, I too, perused that website. I'm curious as to what the guy actually knows about cooking, since everybody knows that Chicago-style pizzas are inferior to New York-style pizzas, and I don't even like New York City.  TeddyR
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Second rule is, 'Be nice to mommy'
Third rule is, 'Don't talk to commies'
Fourth rule is, 'Eat kosher salamis'
------------------
The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says "Make me one with everything!"
El Misfit
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Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2013, 06:34:52 PM »

I kinda figured that. I wasn't knocking you at all, El Misfit. I do not kill the messenger, especially one that is waving the Sarcasm Flag. I just saw an opportune moment to trash the troll in question.

Yes, I too, perused that website. I'm curious as to what the guy actually knows about cooking, since everybody knows that Chicago-style pizzas are inferior to New York-style pizzas, and I don't even like New York City.  TeddyR

I believe he is trying to sound like Epic Meal Time with Literature.  TeddyR
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Ed, Ego and Superego
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« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2013, 10:19:14 PM »

Yeah, this cat didn't try. 
 Y'know after reading about it in a book years ago, I always wanted to try Akutaq.
-Ed


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LilCerberus
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« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2013, 11:20:43 PM »

Virginia Ham?
Some people say Brunswick Stew comes from Brunswick Virginia, & some people say it comes from Brunswick New Jersey.
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zelmo73
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« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2013, 12:58:08 AM »

Yeah, this cat didn't try. 
 Y'know after reading about it in a book years ago, I always wanted to try Akutaq.
-Ed


Made with blubber, not so bad. Made with Crisco, however...well, it might taste good, but if you know what you're eating...  Buggedout
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First rule is, 'The laws of Germany'
Second rule is, 'Be nice to mommy'
Third rule is, 'Don't talk to commies'
Fourth rule is, 'Eat kosher salamis'
------------------
The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says "Make me one with everything!"
zombie #1
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Oookaay...


« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2013, 08:22:14 AM »

if the list is sarcastic then I take it 'A f**king steamed f**king cheeseburger' is the most delicious state food in the US, and 'Chicago-style deep-dish pizza' is the most disgusting?

as a brit I've only eaten about 5 things in that whole article... 'frozen custard' sounds interesting
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El Misfit
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Listen here you little s**t.


« Reply #12 on: November 03, 2013, 10:36:32 AM »

if the list is sarcastic then I take it 'A f**king steamed f**king cheeseburger' is the most delicious state food in the US, and 'Chicago-style deep-dish pizza' is the most disgusting?

as a brit I've only eaten about 5 things in that whole article... 'frozen custard' sounds interesting

Frozen custard is like a more solid soft serve. Steamed burger seems to be kinda weird to me, it doesn't have the juices that gives the burger more of a juicy flavor, nor does it have charcoal flame taste.
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Flangepart
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« Reply #13 on: November 04, 2013, 06:20:24 PM »

if the list is sarcastic then I take it 'A f**king steamed f**king cheeseburger' is the most delicious state food in the US, and 'Chicago-style deep-dish pizza' is the most disgusting?

as a brit I've only eaten about 5 things in that whole article... 'frozen custard' sounds interesting

Frozen custard is like a more solid soft serve. Steamed burger seems to be kinda weird to me, it doesn't have the juices that gives the burger more of a juicy flavor, nor does it have charcoal flame taste.
And steamed burgers make me think White Castle.
This guy hates some foods and likes others...and I care why? If folks ask me about a resruant, I say 'Well, I liked it, but your mileage may vary."
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« Reply #14 on: November 05, 2013, 12:50:45 PM »

I had no idea that Wyoming was known for Chicken Fried Steak....being from Texas I kinda thought we were best known for it. We even serve it for breakfast...

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