I like you Trevor so I wouldn't do this to you but if I was going to I'd have called you "tommy wiseau". See it gets the insult across while still staying relevant to the subject matter.
Why......how dare you........oh, the hell with it, have some +1 karma.
Thomas is my middle name, anyway.
And, the surname Wiseau is pronounced Wise Ou here in Afrikaans, meaning a smart-ass.