Do we have a "Roll Call" or "Getting to Know You" thread?

[Trevor]

And I HATE the nightmare candy known as "circus peanuts".

Those look horrible 

[indianasmith]

I love them!!

[Newt]

I like them when they are stale - chewy.  Though I do prefer the other flavours.

[The Burgomaster]

Real name: Joe Salamone

Born: April 11, 1964

Home: Billerica, Massachusetts

Married, no children, one dog (16 years old and still hanging on!)

Profession: Consultant (CPA)

Hobbies: Movies (almost all movies, not just bad movies); playing board games (mostly Euro strategy games); reading comic books (primarily 1950s - 1980s Marvel and DC); reading classics (I just started DAVID COPPERFIELD); reading pulp fiction (primarily Doc Savage and The Avenger from the 1930s and 40s)

[Chainsawmidget]

Real name:  Eric Chandler, although I frequently use the alias of Alan Bates online.  That goes back to when I was in the military.  They stressed not telling anyone about yourself or the fact that you were in the service at the time. 

Which brings me to my next point.   I was in the Army for  four years then in the National Guard for another four.  I've worked chemical operations in the army and did disaster relief and MP work in the guard. 

I'm 36 years old.  No wife.  No kids.  Don't really want either. 

I grew up in a farm in Tennessee where we raised tobacco and pigs.  other things too, but mainly tobacco and pigs.  I currently live in a trailer in Florida (yeah, I know.  I'm sorry.) and I work in a Toy Store.  I drive a beat up old pickup truck.     

I once got paid to appear as Spider-man and entertain kids.  I was younger and much thinner at the time.   

My bad movie type of choice is 80s slashers, although I'm a horror fan in general.  I'm also into comicbooks and videogames.  I do a little bit of writing and art, but I'm not a very good artist. 

The Name chainsaw midget doesn't have any special meaning.  I just wanted something funny as an email address and I refused to be #52224 of anything.  Chainsawmidget was the first one I tried that I actually worked that way. 

I used to run a fan website and forum for an old cartoon called Captain N before it went down for various reasons.     

One time I rode a camel. 

[ER]

My name is Evelyn Morgan. I was born on December 24, 1978, in Covington, Kentucky (but not on purpose).

For better or worse I am the product of thirteen years of the finest in Catholic education, I have citizenship in two countries, have been married for almost seven years, have three children, two dogs, a ninety-seven-year-old house, and have recently become custodian of a king snake my oldest got for Christmas. When we (I mean Santa) bought the snake the worker at the store told us we were purchasing a corn snake, which goes to show employment in the reptile aisle does not make someone a herpetologist. He's never bitten me, the snake, I mean, but I think he kind of wants to, and I'm not at peace with that fact.

My mother, who is Irish and therefore slightly nuts, abruptly left my dad when I was sixteen and that perhaps contributed into my life going into a half-year-long tailspin, quite the story in itself, but---happy ending---they re-married last year, and I managed not to get an ulcer this time.

A friend in Texas taught me to disassemble and reassemble an AK-47 blindfolded, a skill which once got me free lunch in Lubbock while we were visiting Buddy Holly's grave. (It's in a bad part of town, fair warning.) I was certified marksman in three weapons, but I think that's sort of a sexist designation, though "marksperson" just sounds wrong.

I am a vegetarian, and I try really hard not to kill anything, even mice and flies. If Hindus are right, perhaps for that reason I'll come back as a cow in Delhi, or at least a sacred rat in the temple of Kali. (Listen to her music sometime, it'll freak you out.)

I've never had a speeding ticket or a cavity. I have better than 20-20 vision, but it doesn't seem to do me any good. I've never once said the eff-word around my children, which, considering my life, has been an act of almost preternatural self-control.

I used to play tennis daily, have won 75% of my matches, and until a life-threatening accident derailed my career at fifteen, was on-track to play professionally. I have a green patch in Krav Maga, and earned it through more bruises than I can describe. I always say that getting beaten up by Jews makes you understand Jesus a little better....as does having a birthday at Christmastime, like he (okay Indy, "He") and I do.

I used to be able to run a 5 1/2 minute mile but those days are pretty well never coming again. I used to be able to hold my breath underwater for almost three minutes, but struggle for half that anymore. I was once a size two but, again....sensing a theme here?

Though I'm not convinced it's been entirely an act of free will, I have kept a diary since December 1988, and it has reached close to 5,000 pages. In fact some of you are in it. Multiple psychologists have independently diagnosed me as having a condition known as parahyperthymesia, which leaves me incredibly focused on the past as it relates to my own life, sometimes to the exclusion of the present, which is not a good thing. For instance I find it easier to reflect on a party later in the night than to fully appreciate the party as it's happening. It sucks.

Only God and I will ever know how many men I've slept with. Probably not as many as saying that makes it sound, it's just like Anna Kendrick said in her book, when you tell a number, you become a number. Even if you read every page of my diary you might not emerge knowing that answer. (And, oh, yeah, long before I knew who she was, back when she was an unfamous kid, I dated Anna Kendrick's distant cousin in Maine. Since that and five bucks will get me a decaff at Starbucks, if that's my fifteen minutes, I demand a refund, Warhol.)

My husband on the other hand "dated" half the girls who crossed his path, and used to have an arrangement with a bunch of law school students who had no time to go out, so they stayed in....with him. To me that'd seem a weird offense to my self-esteem, but he says it was great, all the physical side, none of the emotional. But emotional is where it's at, right? (Oh, wait, it's mostly men who will read this, so you'll side with him, won't you?) Thing is, my husband could shout his number from the rooftops and no one would think the less of him, in fact men would probably want to buy him a beer, but you try being involved that first year running into his "exes" everyplace. It grew wearying.

"Her, too, dude?"

"And her cousin."

An aforementioned Texan of my acquaintance claimed I was setting myself up for a life of dealing with serial adultery, and begged me not to marry him, but to my husband's credit his adultery has not been serial.

I used to read about 150 books a year but these days I'm lucky if I get thirty finished. I was once a top-250 reviewer on Amazon, where in my downtime on the job I slung out an opinion on tons and tons of books and movies. I've had twenty short stories published, used to have a New York (JEWISH!!!) agent, and largely through this agent I used to correspond with John Updike, but he went and died on me, which men I like seem to do with alarming regularity. (Might be a cautionary tale in there, guys.)

My two best female friends are a girl who never kissed a guy til she was about twenty-three, and the sister of someone I loved more than I ever loved anyone, and whose father I spent years wishing would die, die, die, and die. My best male friend is someone who keeps my secrets. (Though after writing this I guess I have a few less for him to lock away.)

I know Michelle Obama killed Joan Rivers. Or was it NASA? The Methodists? Rosa Park's ghost? Eliminate everyone she didn't offend and you'll have your prime suspect!

I think I watch maybe, like, 2% of the movies most of you do, so I sometimes feel like a cheat being here, but after a decade no one's quite kicked me out (though they've had cause) so....well.

Shrug, I have low blood sugar right now so I just might delete this after lunch. Depends on how I feel.

[AoTFan]

Real name: Joe Salamone

Born: April 11, 1964

Home: Billerica, Massachusetts

Married, no children, one dog (16 years old and still hanging on!)

Profession: Consultant (CPA)

How long have you been an accountant? 

[AoTFan]

[re: Eve's Post}

Now that I know this, can I call you Eve?  Calling you ER just seems weird.  Like you're someone whose name I can't remember.  "Hey, er... uh... you!"

Wow, you're such a fascinating person!  Envy you the 20/20 vision, I've got glasses on that could deflect bullets, and I think my vision's getting steadily worse over the last few years.  :(

My name is Evelyn Morgan. I was born on December 24, 1978, in Covington, Kentucky (but not on purpose).

A friend in Texas taught me to disassemble and reassemble an AK-47 blindfolded,

Why does nothing in that statement surprise me?

My husband on the other hand "dated" half the girls who crossed his path, and used to have an arrangement with a bunch of law school students who had no time to go out, so they stayed in....with him. To me that'd seem a weird offense to my self-esteem, but he says it was great, all the physical side, none of the emotional. But emotional is where it's at, right? (Oh, wait, it's mostly men who will read this, so you'll side with him, won't you?)

Actually, no.  I can't speak for anyone else, but, honestly, guys like him p**s me off.  I mean, I don't know him personally and mean no offense because he IS your husband but... I've never really liked the idea of guys who go through women like tissue paper and think nothing of it other than getting their rocks off.  

Not trying to sound goody goody or anything, but, as far back as I can remember, when I became aware of the concept of people pairing off, even as a kid all I've ever wanted was just to find that special someone and spend my life with them.  Now, yeah, maybe I'd feel differently if I had a high level of charisma, but, I kind of doubt it.  

I suppose I feel this way because I had a very lonely childhood.  (Which, honestly hasn't changed since I've grown up.)  But, for various reasons, I can't get a relationship to save my life, so with people like that I often think, "Why does this a***ole get all these girls without effort but I can't even find ONE girl?"  Topping that is the old chestnut of seeing girls I cared about who I know only thought of me as "a friend" (if even that) diving headfirst into a relationship with a guy I could easily tell was just gonna lead them down the road to ruin.

I used to correspond with John Updike, but he went and died on me, which men I like seem to do with alarming regularity. (Might be a cautionary tale in there, guys.)

Not concerned.  I'm going to be around for quite awhile.  The more you complain, the longer fate keeps you alive.

[Trevor]

My husband on the other hand "dated" half the girls who crossed his path, and used to have an arrangement with a bunch of law school students who had no time to go out, so they stayed in....with him. To me that'd seem a weird offense to my self-esteem, but he says it was great, all the physical side, none of the emotional. But emotional is where it's at, right? (Oh, wait, it's mostly men who will read this, so you'll side with him, won't you?)

Son of feminist here - and the son of a former street thug turned cop - so a woman's place is where she wants it to be, no more than that. 

[ER]

You can call me Ellie, a lot of people do. :-)

I will say one thing in my husband's defense for those days, it was actually more like women were using him.

[The Burgomaster]

Real name: Joe Salamone

Born: April 11, 1964

Home: Billerica, Massachusetts

Married, no children, one dog (16 years old and still hanging on!)

Profession: Consultant (CPA)

How long have you been an accountant? 

Since 1991

[AoTFan]

Real name: Joe Salamone

Born: April 11, 1964

Home: Billerica, Massachusetts

Married, no children, one dog (16 years old and still hanging on!)

Profession: Consultant (CPA)

How long have you been an accountant? 

Since 1991

Wow, I hope I can get to know you better before you jump.

 

[AoTFan]

Actually, no.  I can't speak for anyone else, but, honestly, guys like him p**s me off.  I mean, I don't know him personally and mean no offense because he IS your husband but... I've never really liked the idea of guys who go through women like tissue paper and think nothing of it other than getting their rocks off.  

Not trying to sound goody goody or anything, but, as far back as I can remember, when I became aware of the concept of people pairing off, even as a kid all I've ever wanted was just to find that special someone and spend my life with them.  Now, yeah, maybe I'd feel differently if I had a high level of charisma, but, I kind of doubt it.  

I suppose I feel this way because I had a very lonely childhood.  

Oh, and another part of it might have been because my parents got divorced when I was still a toddler, and my first stepdad (whom my mom was with until I was about six or so) was a bit of a douchebag.

[El Misfit]

Real Name: Chris Milliner, 22, student looking for a job in the CAD field.
My hobbies is mainly video games, movies, and cars.

[RCMerchant]

ER-I dont usually read posts that go on for half a page-but your GOOD. Your a good writer. Amazing. Kudos!