Things I learned from action movies

[J.R.]

- 99.3% of amnesia cases happen to super spies.

- Any time a set of twins is born it is inevitable that one will become a secret agent, the other a street-wise hustler.

- There are big barrells of gasoline sitting around everywhere.

- If a bad guy throws a grenade at you don't worry, because you can walk slowly away, take a leak, read an entire issue of Newsweek and finish a Slurpee before it detonates.

- Frag grenades spew giant clouds of flame.

- Anytime you go past the speed limit a fruit vendor will walk in front of your car to slow you down.

[J.R.]

-There are abandoned wharehouses and factories literally everywhere.

[John]

-Guns never run out of ammo.

-Armor piercing bullets can go through half-inch thick steel.

-Cars can jump virtually any distance without sustaining any damage.

-All vehicles are packed full of explosives just waiting for a stray bullet to hit them.

-Bad guys aparently never devote any time to target practice.

-Being shot is mearly an inconvenience.

[Phantosmos]

- Large terrorist groups are always eradicated by a single, muscular government agent.

- Hand-to-hand combat can result in bodily damage and random one-liners.

- Terrorists and criminals have horrible marksmanship.

- Villains always use slow time bombs when facing the protagonist to allow his escape.

[J.R.]

- The best oufit for thwarting devious madmen's plans for destruction is a grimy tee shirt and tight pants.

- You can hire ex-KGB assassins and mercenaries to lay their lives on the line for almost any cause.

- Almost all terrorist acts are covers for robberies.

- There are an alarming number of nuclear weapons on the black market, but no one seems to be buying except those with poorly thought-out plans for using them.

- If you are ever caught in a dangerous action-packed situation there will be many chances to make out with a beautiful woman.

- All cops pose no threat at all and are unbelievably easy to kill, except for those who are off-duty, foul-mouthed and wearing a grimy tee shirt.