Odd how things go

[Andrew]

Speaking of starting to work on new reviews.  I just started on one for "Squirm" and noticed that this weekend's MST3K is the very same movie.  I'll record it, but must avoid watching the episode until after my article is finished.

"Manslaughter?  Accident?"

Andrew

[Creeps]

The MSTification of Squirm is great.   Bad movie, grand MSTing.  And the short, A Case of Spring Fever, is one of their best shorts ever.  You will not be disappointed when you get around to watching it.

[Andrew K]

What they did to Squirm is one of the reasons I finally became violently opposed to the show. I found Squirm to be a creepy, effective and very well-made movie with some good shock scenes, even though the quality of current TV prints are badly faded and worn. BTW, although the relentlessly insult Don Scardino, he gets the last laugh. Scardino is now one of TV and Broadway's top directors, haven been nominated for both Tony and Emmy awards. He was the original Broadway director of A Few Good Men, and has helmed episodes of The West Wing, Homicide: Life on the Streets, and LA Law. And the folks who made MST3K? In a few months, they'll be living off Social Assistance, and they'll be remembered as a bunch of bitter wanna-bes who, unable to make a good movie of their own, channeled their frustrations by making fun of the handiwork of more sincere-and more often than not, more talented-individuals. If you want a REALLY bad worm movie, either watch The Wormeaters, or, better yet, Blood Hook, by the guy (Jim Mallon) who later made MST3K.

[Squishy]

Well, it's nice that Scardino found (a) a job that he doesn't suck at, and (b) at least one fan.

"Squirm" is so utterly, beyond-belief silly it appears to have been written over the course of a weekend--at a friend's house while getting loaded and watching "MST3K" episodes. It has shot-blocking that resembles Gramma's first attempt at handling a Super-8 camera and acting that can make hyenas weep in pain. Outside of Rick Baker's cheap-but-icky-funny latex effects, it has considerably less entertainment value than some Limburger-and-tofu fart like "Reptilicus."

Lots of successful artists in Hollywood have mistakes in their past they wish they weren't associated with; Jessica Lange has the "King Kong" remake, and Oscar-winning screenwriter Eric Roth also gave us "The Concorde--Airport '79." If Scardino has any perspective, he looks back at this pile of grot and agrees.

But then, he's a grown-up, and certainly wouldn't wet his pants and run bawling from the room over a TV show poking fun at it.

[Andrew K]

At least I'm not letting a TV show make my mind up for me.

[Flangepart]

Andrew K...please don't let your insecurites get in your way. Squishy and i may not agree on everything, but thats cool. We are solid MiSTYs, and that is because we can see the seeds of humor. Star Trek fans can write great Trek Parodies, because they know the show so well, they are good with the oppertunites. Your comment about "Letting a show make up your mind for you" is unnessary. It implys we can't think for ourselves unless we agree with you. Don't you think that might be a little...oh.....Well, Insecure? Relax. You can't browbeat people into thinking as you do on things, including a realy insignificant thing like this. You'd likely be P.O. if we tired to do the same to you, right? We know how you feel about MST, and while i understand it, i can't agree with it. Such is life. Be glad you have so much stuff to choose from! Thank God for VCR's and DVDs! Remember when you had to wait for a movie to come to town. When it left, you were up S#%* Creek! Well, enough pontificating....Your turn.

[Andrew K]

Point taken. But Squishy also lashed out at me, in a rather nasty way, so I responded as politely and succintly as I could. I've seen debates on other boards descend into not just nastiness, but outright spite and cruelty, even threats to do physical harm. So I'm gonna stop now. Peace.

[Squishy]

So...who's letting a TV show do that?

"Squirm" has been recognized as a celluloid bowel movement by press and audiences alike ever since its release. I saw it a lonnnnnng time before those evil, evil, evil cute-puppy-murderers made that horrible mind-controlling TV program of theirs...

Announcer: ...and now, the group "Up WIth Everything" sings their new hit song, "Everything is Good!"
--"The Simpsons"

[Squishy]

...who'd I "lash out at in a nasty manner"?

Ohhhhhhh, wait, of course. I expressed an opposing viewpoint. Shame on me. I know I shouldn't be allowed to do that.

[Andrew K]

Re-read your initial post. You did far more than than just express an opposing viewpoint; you were pretty inflamatory and caustic.

[Andrew K]

A lot of people other than myself DO like the movie, including intelligent and erudite critics such as Dennis Fischer, Danny Peary, and Phil Hardy. Michael Weldon listed it as one of his 70s fave.  The only bad pre-MST3K review I have encountered came out of the Motion Picture Guide, a series which any serious film scholar despises. The movie has long had a small but strong cult following, and will continue to have one, no matter what you or all those MSTies think. And keep your comments in mind the next time someone criticizes a movie YOU like.

[Squishy]

"You were pretty inflam(m)atory and caustic."

...ah, once again, I didn't know you were the only one allowed to do that.

So, what part of my "inflammatory and caustic" comments did you take as a personal attack? Unless you're Don Scardino--or worse, Jeff Lieberman, in which case you have my prayers and condolences--it would have to be either:

(a) the "...at least one fan" remark or
(b) the fact that I had the unmitigated gall to disagree with you, or
(c) when I wrote: "...running from the room bawling and wetting his...

Oh.

I'm sorry. That was very insensitive of me.

There is hope. There's special undergarments for folks with that problem, as well as medical procedures, and psychotherapy can help with the bawling jags. Don't give up!

...and just for the record:

(1) "Showgirls" also has a cult following. For that matter, so does "MST3K," and sales suggest the "MST3K" crowd is a bit bigger than the one for "Squirm." So what? It doesn't mean a single thing except: these shows have cult followings. It has no bearing on their quality. There's more than one drooling goober rooting for every sub-par crappy movie on the face of the planet...even "Deanzilla."

(2) People wee on movies I like ALL the time. I might argue the point once in a while, but I only get huffed up when retarded little children with bladder and emotional problems whiz on my friends and people I know and like. (Re-read YOUR initial post. Oh, that's right, I forgot again--when YOU do it, it's "cute.")

(3) I got my Simpsons reference all wrong. The group was "Up With People," and the song was "Hooray For Everything!"  

Thanks for keeping me entertained for a minute or two! (That's more than "Squirm" did for me, even when it was MSTified.) Write back soon!
:):):):)



(I know, "real" Andrew, I know. But it's either this, or tease the incontinent chihuahua tied up on the back porch, and that one I have to clean up after. Plus she's harder to make a fool out of.)

[Andrew K]

My underwear is clean, thank you very much, and the plaque bearing my Master's Degree in communication studies is hanging nicely on the wall. I look at it once in a while when I have to deal with small minds who can't distinguish between fact and opinion. That's all I gave, an opinion, one which was clearly worded as such, and you, my "friend," are the one who threw the fit . Ta-ta for now.

[Squishy]

"Fit?"

I threw a fit? Funny, I don't remember that. This isn't a fit; I'm having a bit o' fun. You were the one with flecks of foam dripping from your chin. How dare those doo-doo heads make fun of actor extraordinare Don Scardino! They will all die in the street now, ha ha ha!

Hey, how about that! A "degree" in Communications! I have a degree, too. "President" Junior has a very expensive "degree" from a very expensive babysitting center for rich men's useless children; I guess that means he's smarter than both of us combined, yes? Well, no; I earned mine. So did a lot of graduates from Harvard and Yale and so forth, who weren't wealthy and useless and were there to actually learn something. Perhaps it just indicates a college diploma doesn't really mean a lot, outside of a resume. There was once a dog in Florida with an honorary degree in Divinity. He must be really smart.

What my small mind can't comprehend is when I lost the distinction between "fact" and "opinion." You gave an opinion (expressing delight in the anticipated poverty of another person), then I gave an opinion (expressing thanks that yet another person found work in a field to which he is more suited). Then you made the completely inaccurate assumption--based on nothing more than your personal prejudices--that I allowed "a TV show to make up my mind for me." Uh-oh, there goes the distinction. Yessir, a Master's Duhhh-gree. In Communications! Heh heh heh.

We do not disagree on the facts of the matter, I imagine, as they relate to the shows we're discussing in this, eh, highly academic forum:

1) "Squirm" has a cult "following."
2) Most people think "Squirm" sucks. Even people with college degrees! Last time I checked, the average IMBd rating was less than four, on a scale of ten. (But surely they all let TV make up their minds for them, while the hyperintelligensia simply know better.)
3) "MST3K" also has a cult following. Pretty big one.
4) Many people also think "MST3K" sucks. Good for them!

Here's an additional "fact of life" your huge, mighty, pulsating frontal lobe still can't seem to get a grip on: when you start crapping on someone else, you cannot cry "no fair!" when some of it gets flicked back in your face and expect to be taken seriously, no matter what you have on a plaque.

Are you going to carry on like this when Andrew chews "Squirm" up and spits it out all over a web page? He's probably not going to sing its praises, you know, except in that it is kind of fun--in that "B-Movie" kind of fashion--when it isn't insanely boring. He's probably not going to be as impressed by pale scrawny stick-boy Don Scardino as you are, either. Are you going to try to shout him down, too? This should be pretty funny...

Hugs and kissess!

[Andrew]

I spent most of yesterday with some of the other Marines helping out at the Special Olympics, else I'd probably have been here sooner.

Andrew