Turdulence 3

[trollificus]

(Frogive my misspelling, but not mischaracterization of the film title. And the misspelling of 'forgive'...must be the board colors.)

Mr. Borntreger has requested the people NOT request that he review or include on his site particular movies. Even if we think they are so bad that they SHOULD be included. So I address you, presumably fans of bad movies and regulars on the site...this was a question I posed a few short weeks ago on another (non-cinema) forum:

Ok, Mr. Smarty Cinema Mans, a couple of questions...

First, what is the name of the movie that has a Death-Metal rock group giving their last performance on a tricked out jumbo jet full of pierced-and-tattooed metalheadbangers and being webcast by an MTV-style streaming media looking for 10m hits for the show which features a Jenny McCarthy b***h/bimbo announcer and which webcast is hacked into by a 'hacker' who has just been tracked down by a 'repressed' FBI bimbette/antihacker squad member (you can tell she is repressed-suit, hair tightly pulled back and eyeglasses) who, while REAL SATANISTS take over the plane pretending to be the now-imprisoned DeathMetal Superstar, (looking like a cross between Marilyn Manson and Alice Cooper but dressed like Kiss), suddenly lets her captive 'hacker' go so they can make contact with the now-captive Superstar and help him thwart the Satanists who plan to crash the plane into the evillest place on earth and release the Devil (it is in Eastern Kansas, FYI) and the MTV bimbo/b***h/hostess is a Satanist, too and the co-pilot gets shot and the pilot is a Satanist too except he's Rutger Hauer, giving a "Hi I'm Rutger Hauer and they are paying me to be in this movie so I'll say some words and make some faces and did I mention I'm Rutger Hauer" kind of performance and in the end the Marilyn Manson/Kiss rock and roll star has to beat up the Deatmetalrockstar-imitating-Satanist and land the plane himself under the guidance of the hacker and his FBI bimbo captor since the Satanist pilot has shot himself in blissful Rutger Hauer fashion, and when the plane has landed and all the deathmetal freak fans are crying and hugging, the FBI agent re-handcuffs the 'hacker' over his protestations that he has just saved a planeload of people and maybe even all mankind but when the cuffs are on, her hair comes down, the glasses and suit come off and everybody is happy except the couple of redshirts who got offed during the film?

Okay, maybe you don't know the title to that one. A more difficult question would be WHAT THE f**k WAS I DOING WATCHING THIS INCREDIBLE PIECE OF HIGH-CONCEPT LOW BUDGET s**t IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT???!!!!

The huge mess of the descriptive run-on sentence is appropriate because the movie is very much of a huge run-on mess...

If someone can explain what criteria of badness this movie fails to achieve to qualify for this site, I'd appreciate it. Sorry for rambling. Guess Ah'm a Ramblin' Guy...

                          Thanks.

PS) We discovered the title after I posed the question- 'Turbulence 3'. Three. OMG.

[Creepozoid]

Screw you. I really like TURBULENCE 3.

[Drezzy]

**with Creepozoid**

And calling Slade Craven (the band in Turbulence 3) a death metal band would get you killed roughly 12 times, raped three times, and then forced to watch When Your Grandma Eats Mung   voumes 1 through 5 in my neck of the woods...

[Fearless Freep]

If someone can explain what criteria of badness this movie fails to achieve to qualify for this site, I'd appreciate it.

Time and interest. Andrew does have a life outside of writing reviews for bad movies for this site and can only do so many reviews.  As such, he reviews what he wants to review.  He probably has enough movies that *he* wants to do that that he may not have time for.  Taking requests probably isn't really desireable for him.  There are a *lot* of 'bad movies' out there and not everyone even has interest in all kinds of movies.  Who's to say that every bad movies out there that someone would like to see reviewed is even something that Andrew would be interested in?  It may be a piece of garbage film, and just not really be his area of interest.

This isn't the only site on the web that offers reviews of bad movies. It's possible the movie you want reviewed has been reviewed elsewhere, or someone else would take the request to do a review.

Or you could write one yourself.

[trollificus]

Yeah, I gathered that from the FAQ. I was just curious. AND I thought it was a weird enough movie to qualify. I wasn't really lobbying for it.

And that was before I saw the review of 'Barn of the Blood Llama'!

[Trollificus]

Creepozoid wrote:
>
> Screw you. I really like TURBULENCE 3.

Screw YUO. I watched it.

[Trollificus]

Heh. Well it was THEIR movie. They certainly wasted the whole intro making them out to be 'controversial'. Were they Marilyn Manson? I think the producers just wanted something like "THAT kind of s**t music your kids listen to".

I wasn't too concerned with defining the group accurately.

[Creepozoid]

Brad Geltapfel wrote:
>
> Heh. Well it was THEIR movie. They certainly wasted the whole
> intro making them out to be 'controversial'. Were they
> Marilyn Manson? I think the producers just wanted something
> like "THAT kind of s**t music your kids listen to".
>
> I wasn't too concerned with defining the group accurately.


"THEIR?" What the hell do you mean by that. I ain't 12 ya know and TURBULENCE 3 kicks ass compared to part 2

[Andrew]

I guess that the third is actually better than the first?  Man, that is going against all the laws of the universe...

Freep hit the nail on the head though.  There are just too many movies for me to review them all in my lifetime (hmm, maybe my children will like bad movies), so I sort of pick and go with what I am interested in writing about.   And sometimes I do want to watch and review a movie that is really, really painful to me.  It also answers why my schedule for doing submitted independent films is so bad - I wait to do the review until I am in the mood.  Should make for better and more true reviews, but who knows.

Trying to decide on my next project.  It might be "Manos" or "Hedwig" might finally get the attention it (the movie or the main character - which is he talking about?) deserves.

[J.R.]

The makers of T3 didn't really have a grasp on that sort of music. The singer is obviously supposed to be Marilyn Manson, but they got everything about him totally wrong, dressing him more like a mix of Glenn Danzig and Gene Simmons.

<<"Hedwig">>

God I hate that movie. The guy who wrote, directed and starred in it also had the camera pointed at him for almost every single frame, what are the chances of that? It's not campy fun, like The Rocky Horror Picture Show or Priscilla, it's just a vanity piece, IMO, to get GLAAD awards.

[Creepozoid]

J.R. wrote:
>
> The makers of T3 didn't really have a grasp on that sort of
> music. The singer is obviously supposed to be Marilyn Manson,
> but they got everything about him totally wrong, dressing him
> more like a mix of Glenn Danzig and Gene Simmons.


They may have had Manson in mind while designing that character but I don't think it was meant to be centered around someone who turned himself into a herself.

[Drezzy]

Brian "Marilyn Manson" Warner still has a penis, and no vagina. He has never turned himself into a woman, and the "implants" have been removed (assuming they were actually implants, and not just another urban myth, like him mutilating a live puppy onstage or having ribs removed to perform self-fellatio).

Say what you all want, but I actually like a lot of the original tunes that Slade Craven played in Turbulence 3. Not as good as the Steel Dragon originals from Rock Star, but still good.

[Steven Millan]

               Yeah,guys.I'm with you all the way on this topics,concerning sequels to terrible films that don't even deserve sequels,in the first place.

[Grimsnipe]

>Freep hit the nail on the head though. There are just too many movies for me to >review them all in my lifetime (hmm, maybe my children will like bad movies),

You have children??  When did this happen?  Heck, I kinda got the impression you didn't even like kids too much... (see the baby/Legos comment in the Random Thoughts section.)

(shrugs)

-grimAndrew wrote:

[Drezzy]

I think he meant that he is wondering if his FUTURE kids will enjoy them...