“THE RIDICULES ADVENTURES OF THE FANTASY HEROES”
Hello Folks:
In countless movies or paperback novels, that I had either seen or read, the heroine is always carry off at the end in the mighty-thewed arms of big muscular guy. The white-skinned hero usually has a nice set of pecs, manly strong arms, and helmet-liked hair. Women in these settings always live for the day when mighty warriors come into her life and take her away from a life dreariness and boredom. Then on horseback they go off into the sunset, into a supposedly excitement life of being a nomadic, peasantry life of watching the muscle-bound hero go and save the world while she impatiently waited at the huthold cooking his meal, mending his tore favorite stinking loincloth, and patching up his wounds from battling the palace guards. And if there is spare time, provide the hero with an heir to carry on in his footstep.
The big question is would probably would any rich, young, white woman in her right mind run off to the New World and marry some big, handsome, muscle-bound, well-hung Indian warrior chief, there. Just because he claims to be the son of Hercules, and above all, he is an honest, but simple barbaric warrior of nature. I think not! I doubt that she would even meet and marry some politically-correct Viking raider while she was his slave. In real life, she would have either been held for ransom, given over to his men to be used as a constant door-mat, or simple ended as a mere servant wench on his huge estate.
If she falls in love with a simple man of nature and marries him, she would be missing a lot the finer things of a noble life like metal frame bed, silverware, embroiled clothes, servants, and about all common sense. Any refined white women or tavern servant would probably get sick and tried of a hubby who run around clad only in scanty furskins or woolen breech-clouts, commuting with nature all day, and is very superstitious-originated.
After all, if a woman thinks that only muscled-bound, nature-loving, looking, and above all, extremely well-hung, primitive brutes has all of life answers and could pleasure a woman all day and night long? Then let her be struck on a body-beautiful world where the so-called beautiful people spend most of their time in gym and the other times worshipping their supposedly physically-perfect body. On that kind of world, let her face up to the reality of being the only one who has a job, who is paying the bill, and is having a real life.
Meanwhile, old Nature Boy is spending four hours in morning and another four hours in the evening at the local gym. In between he come home, only to lie around the house, watch T.V., eats many meals and takes many body-building supplement drugs to maintain that huge and totally useless in practical terms muscle mass he has gotten. He also spends most of the money you are trying to save, on those same drugs, bodybuilding equipment, fancy gym clothing. Let us not forget traveling expansive to various bodybuilding contests where he would usually finish in the top ten--but never first place and get little or no financial reward for it.
During this time, he is probably cheating on you with a better-looking woman who is either a who is a fitness model or a fellow bodybuilder. A world where men treated their pack animals better than they do their faithful, obedient, and loving women. World where women have no ambition other than a being baby-machine machine and over-loving housewife. A world where having sex with her so-called, faithful, loving husband is only thing that is happen in their lives. Having many and raising as many children as possible is only concern in a woman’s life.
The barbabric world in which there is no such thing as a cell phone, a computer, or even advanced scientific knowledge. Try to find a modern person in his/ her right mind who want to lived in this sort of place on a parament basic and without a credit card? A place where commonsense dose not rule and people go around foolishly over-reacting on their over-heated emotions. A place where women have only one choice in their so-called pathetic, little lives as far as boyfriends/ future husbands go. She has either the civilized, but psychotic, white-skinned guy or the back-to-nature, halfbreed, or bronzed-skinned boy to spend the rest of her life with.
Remember, folks, she has one or the other to choose from. She never has one than one boyfriend or lover. She is always a virgin and total unaware of the ways of the world around her.
It is a world, where a woman nearly faint when she sees a the naked chest of well-form man. She can not stand to be near any man because of his powerful animal male magnetism. She can not make any decision that might help her or ever save her life as long as a Mr. So-Incredible Right is around her. In other words, she is the one who will fall madly and totally in love in any man who has a great massive, hairless chest, no facial hair, huge biceps, a strong set of well-sculpture legs, and an enormous man-root to top it all off.
She will stalk her man or chase after him no matter what is his racial or economical background. She would marry the good old Nature Boy despite what society or even her own parents will think. Do not worry because in the end, all will be forgiven. The big handsome Indian chief or the bronzed-skinned Nature-lover from the wrong side of the track will be accept by polite, white society.
It is a world where a person where no idea about how to farm and how to run a ranch can be a huge success at it.
It is a world where your neighbor will always welcome you and the man you love at the next social gathering.
A world where no one will talk behind your back about your living with so-called red savages or uneducated barbaric warriors.
A place even a peasant girl can grow up to marry big, fancy nobleman and sit beside on his throne and no one will complaint about the origins of her birth. Afterall, people, did not the English went back to a monarchy system after Cormwell died. Whom are we kidding here.
Eventually, her parents will come to loved her halfbreed children, and especially, her ill-born husband. The lone evil man who had causes her so much grief in the beginning will be punish. The trouble will always be the result one individual and it is never brought on by an institutional racism or social behavior that has long been in place before the heroine was ever born.
It is the flick side of the coin symptom. Head is a stereotypical political-correct male in tune with her every need. Not only is he physical perfect but he has no mental faults or even hang ups. There is nothing to distinguish him from any other male outside of his absolute, total perfectionism. Tail is a very boring white guy who is excessively obsessive with having the heroine. He must marry her, then used her, and tosses her away afterwards.
He is physical imperfect. He might wear glasses, has a little pouch of a stomach, ever has a scar on his face. He is impotent whereas good old Nature Boy is virile and masculine, and above all, one hundred percent all man. Civilized Man read books and Nature Boy has not even had normal schooling. Civilized Man can use reason and scientific knowledge to express himself. Nature Boy is all pure emotion, all consuming passion, and above all, a man of quick action. In other words, the deck in stack heavily in favor of Nature Boy.
On this world, homosexuality cannot peacefully co-existence along with heterosexuality. A Christian Fundamentalist’s wet-dream. It is like a superhero comic book or romance paperback novel where every relationship is based on man and woman interacting with one another. A place where homosexuality either do not exit or turn into another sick, twisted side of a villain’s personality.
A place where there is other alternate chooses in a woman life. She cannot be a successful career woman or has any other needs or commitments outside of that of her children and of, oh course, husband. Big, strong, passionate Nature Boy will take care of every need and always be there to protect her throughout her life. In this world, the idea of a woman making it along is unheard. Even the idea that a woman can successful protect herself from danger is pure nonsense. It always al right for a man to learn self-defense but never a woman, never when she has to protect her own children while her man is away.
Is a world where the peasantry can always have a successful revolt against their oppressors. Because they are being lead by a big, strong hero running away in loincloth and leather sandals they will not get themselves screw in the end. It is a place where wooden farm tools stand a good chance against the cold, hard steel of well-experienced mercenary troops. The muscle-bound, well-hung white-skinned hero is always around to save them, and the rebel leaders will be hung or even draw and quartered in the end.
Nor do I believe that evil queen will always have her plans ruined because she has the hots for muscular hero who is only interested in saving the world. Why doesn’t the hero use his great body and innocent charms to seduced the evil queen and make her see the error of the ways like James Bond does with the evil women in his movies.
By the way, has anyone every notice the evil king doesn't trust anybody to help carries out his mad schemes of empire-building. For instant, he is help to the throne of the love of a bad woman, you will know the evil tramp will die by his foul hands in the end. Look, one of the purpose of royalty is to provide a legit heir to the throne if evil king can not do so, then his dream of a mighty empire dies with him on his deathbed.
Another thing, evil kings are supported by money from the taxing the rich and foreign conquest. Why do they always want the peasantry to give them the money? Beside, the manpower for his army and navy comes from the noble class. Why the muscle-bound hero always believes that there is no such thing as noble class in the kingdom. And that, the upper class is just going to stand by and let the peasants have an equal says in the newly-formed government.
The things I learned from watching Swords and Sandals Movies:
A semi-naked hero wearing no armor and who is carry any weapon can use his bared hands and his fantastic strength to overcome any tyrannical king or evil queen.
A place where hero is so self righteous that he cannot stand the thought of not one person in this barbaric world being enslaved, or forced bowed to unjust laws. Apparently there is no such thing as the natural order of things as people are taught to believe in real life. There is no divine right of kings and queens or let alone a class structure that defined one’s role or place in life. Monarchy exit to fulfilled the wish of every humble little peasant or lowly serf. Slavery is not an inherited part of the social order and an important element of the nation economy. It is a barbaric world where rulers spend more time on political oppression than on building and maintaining an empire. The king rather could kill his queen and rule alone, than fostered an heir to the throne. Above all, the shirtless hero dose get sunburn or even freezes to death despite what little article of clothing he is wearing.
A place where the white-skinned hero is so good and pure he cannot fathom the idea of using his body to seduce the evil queen who is so impress with his good looks, great body, and fantastic strength that she can nolonger think straight. The womenfolk on this barbaric warrior planet cannot fend for themselves. The women who usually end up with the super-strong hero in the end are always complaining about that they are constantly alone, helpless, and have no one to take care of them.
The women usually spend their entire lives on this barbaric planet, getting themselves capture so they can be used as a pawn by the villain to defeat the hero. Her main job is to scream a lot and to call out the hero’s name, repeatedly, while she is being sacrifice to the some evil pagan god, or put into some strange death-dealing device in the evil ruler’s arena.
The courtship on this Ancient World is so fast you wonder what the heroes see in these silly women in the first place. If she is a queen, then at the end, when she is saved and her people are free, she must give up her throne and go live supposedly happily forever after in a semi-peasant, nomadic kind of lifestyle with the hero. Like all of a sudden, she knows how to do cooking, cleaning, and taking care of a household after a living a soft life of pamper existence.
In the sword and sorcery world, there are beautiful bar maids with big breasts and shapely, fine-looking buttocks forever leading successful peasant revolts against unlawful kings and their well-armed, thoroughly-entrenched noble classes, with the great Conan the Barbarian or another one of the bastard sons of Hercules, constantly at her side. The Gods is seem back then did not believe in slavery or a strong class structure society.
On these kinds of barbaric worlds, the hero is only one with a great set of muscles and fantastic strength. It seems no nobody ever bothers working out or having any sort of a plan to built up their muscles or even seeks ways to have the same kind of super strength that the hero has.
The bad monarch can save himself a lot of trouble in the end if he had decided to built some sort of travel traveling device that allow him to go a Gold Gym in the future, and hired a personal trainer to go back with him in time. What a huge surprise it would be for the muscular hero to find out that the bad guy is more built and more powerfully-strong than he is. And to top it off, he is pleasing more chicks that hero can even hope do so. Even the heroine is having second thoughts about being marry to the bad guy and having his children. Home boy has to go off to find another group of oppressed people to saved. How about the bad king getting his evil witch-queen to come with some kind of magic potion to rebuilt his body into that of the hero.
By the way, since he has a lot of money stored in the national treasury why can’t he just trained a better army to put down peasant revolts, and above all, hired henchmen who are not afraid of facing a lone, muscle-bound male with no armor and no weapon on his person. Here is a glue, when hero is picking up a huge boulder to throw at the on-rushing guards, please have a group of arrow or spearsmen ready to used their weapons on him. Remember folks, just because the hero has fantastic strength dose not mean he is like D.C. Comic’s Superman and is impervious to bullets or swords. Even a highly-skilled Viking warrior with a keen twin-bladed battle-ax can make mincemeat out of the hero.
Sign:
Barry Fletcher
e410773@yahoo.com
