The Burgomaster
Aggravating People Worldwide Since 1964
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
Karma: 773
Posts: 9036
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« on: March 24, 2003, 11:57:02 AM » |
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1. There is always a side-kick who is either fat or has a limp.
2. There is always a pretty, middle-aged woman in town called "The Widow Johnson."
3. Anyone can be a deputy if they raise their right hand and say, "I solemnly swear to uphold the laws of the state of Texas."
4. There are only 5 towns in the entire country: "Laredo," "Carson City," "Tombstone," "El Paso," and "Dodge."
5. There is someone in the movie named after a state. "Montana," or "Colorado" or something.
6. All towns have the following buildings: saloon, hotel, whorehouse, sheriff's office, dry-goods store, undertaker, and barber shop.
7. No one ever works. They just hang around in one of the buildings listed above in #6.
8. There is always a band of outlaws in town that the sheriff cannot bring to justice. (Only John Wayne or Clint Eastwood is willing to stand up to them).
9. Strother Martin is in the cast.
10. People have one of the following last names: Anderson, Kincaid, McCoy, Johnson, or Tucker. No other last names are allowed.
11. Every town has at least one Mexican citizen and one Indian (NOT referred to as Native Americans . . . in those days they were called Indians).
12. All gamblers carry Derringers in their socks.
13. There are dozens of horses everywhere . . . but no flies or horse manure.
14. All saloons have a piano player. At some point in the movie, he will have to duck and a bullet will hit his piano.
15. Everyone's diet consists of beef jerky, beans, coffee, and apple pie.
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