Damn you, Bad Movies! Damn you to H**l!

[Conrad]

Ah, the folly of Conrad.  Shopping at Morrisons (British supermarket), I noticed "Resident Evil" in the £4.99 bin and bought it.

Oh boy.  

Having read other people's comments, I didn't expect much from the film, but it would occupy me during an evening's ironing.

Yeah, right.  Except, with my Bad Movie-honed critical senses, I started to critique the film during the credits sequence.  And from then on ...  excuse me?  A bio-genetic-hideous-virus-research centre, which has a ventilation system that ensures contamination spreads through the whole facility?  Whose central computer system kills everyone on-site, but never notifies anyone else what happened or why?  An above-ground, completely-seperate, utterly-isolated emergency access site - which gets nerve-gassed?  

The ironing was far more entertaining than the video, which will get passed on to the local charity shop pretty quickly.

[Cullen]

I'm sorry, but you got off lucky.  I read a review of Dracula v. Frankenstien over at Jabootu and decided I simply had to see it.

Painful.  Even when fast forward through.

Resident Evil is a five star classic in comparison...

(Well, three star... two star...  You get the idea)

[Conrad]

Perhaps it's time to bring in a "Minus" Star classification, e.g. -1* = will make you wish you had spent your time cleaning the toilet instead of watching the film; -2* = will cause Permanent Traumatic Recall Of The Film just before you fall asleep at night; -3* = causes viewers to gouge out own eyes with grapefruit spoon to avoid ever having to see the film again.