OT: Your Significant Other (and my poor prospects)

[Ash]

From reading nearly every post on here I have gathered that many of you guys are married.

I was curious...how and where did you meet the woman/man that you eventually decided to commit your mind, body & soul to for the rest of your life?
How did you propose?

What was your wedding like and where did it take place?
Did you blow a bundle on it or was it a quiet, private ceremony?
Did your parents pay for it or did it all come out of your own pocket?
Did you elope?
Run off to Vegas?

I ask this because I'm going to turn 30 in April of this year and I'm still unmarried and have no children which in my experience thus far in my life is a very rare thing!

All of my friends are married with kids...all except one but he does have 1 child and he's 32.
Many of them have been married for 5-10 years already!
When they invite me to dinner or some other event they almost always question me about my female prospects.
Put it this way...I'm always the 5th wheel when hanging out with my married friends!
I ask them, "Hook me up with any single friends you have." and they say, "We don't have any single friends!  They're all taken."

Sigh...story of my life it seems...

Out of all of my friends I am the only one to have never walked down either path that they have chosen to trod upon (path 1: marriage...path 2: kids) with various results.
Keep in mind that I live in Iowa where a single bachelor approaching 30 is very uncommon.
My mother is constantly nagging at me to find a woman and give her some grandkids but I tell her that she may have to grow a bit older to see that happen.
I'm a pretty picky guy when it comes to women and why not!?  
Considering the insane divorce rate here in America I feel that being choosy is a wise decision to make.
I would rather be single and alone than to choose the wrong woman for the wrong reasons and have to suffer through a terrible divorce.
My father went through 3 divorces before he finally found the "right" woman for him.
Maybe that's why I am the way I am now.
According to Dr. Phil, seeing my father go through those divorces was a "defining life moment" for me and he & I are probably right.  (yes, I do watch too much of his show...almost everyday...but you gotta admit...he's right 99% of the time!)

I run into 3 types of women here in Iowa...(which I have dubbed "the single mother capitol of America" although I feel that if I lived in the South I would find it much worse)...
I'll be chatting up a girl I've just met somewhere and out of the blue she'll look at her watch and say, "Oh I've gotta go and pick up my 3 kids from the babysitter."

DISQUALIFIED.

Don't get me wrong, I have dated single mothers in the past but it never works out...EVER.
I have walked down that particular path before and it always ends up in a rocky dead-end and I have to turn around and walk back the other way to where I started.
Some guys are able to move the boulders blocking their path or claw their way through them but not me.  
I see the blockade and do an immediate about face and head back the other way.
I'll choose an alternate path.

My mother keeps telling me that the older I get that that's all I'm going to be able to find is single mothers which I believe is utter B.S.!

Or...

I'll meet a girl who seems great only to find out the hard way that her ex boyfriend or even worse, her ex husband is still a VERY big part of her life and isn't leaving anytime soon.
WTF?!
DISQUALIFIED!

Or...

I'll meet a hot young thang who is in her late teens or early 20's but inevitably the maturity difference shines through and after about 2 or 3 months of dating/screwing I begin to think she's a stupid immature brat and then she starts comparing my ideals & beliefs to that of her father and then it's over!
When she says, "You talk just like my dad and I don't like that!" I just have to break it off.
At that point it simply becomes too surreal & bizarre for me to handle.
You understand my reasoning behind that decision I hope!
Hehe!
Sure, I may indeed tap that ass and have incredible fun doing it but in the end with the young ones that are of age, that's all it ends up being....sex & physical attraction.  (if a girl is young I'll only date her if she's at least 18...she's gotta be legal!)
I want MORE than that!
These younger girls certainly do have the looks...a few I've dated have been smokin' hot but they literally act their age...which to me at almost 30 is a turnoff in and of itself.
My married guy friends always say to me behind their wive's backs, "Dude, I'd give anything to be in your position and be able to freely f**k any piece of hot young tail I came across!"
Yes it is fun...but that's all it is....fun.  
And it wears off quite quickly when you realize that you can't connect mentally with that woman.
I want serious commitment with a mature personality and let's face it...I ain't gonna get it from these young hotties!
DISQUALIFIED!

I sometimes think that I'll be 40 before I find that "right" woman.
You know what else?  Everyone that I talk to tells me that they wish they had done as I'm doing now.  They wish that they had waited and nearly ALL of them tell me that they envy me and my situation of being single with no kids at 30.
Go figure!

This query is geared more towards us people who are in our late 20's, 30's, 40's & even 50's.
Regulars like Brother R., Wykednick and Dave15 are exempt for obvious reasons.
You guys are too young and aren't married yet though your opinions are still valid & wanted.

What do you think of your "significant other" and how are things going?
What do you think of my quandary?



Post Edited (02-28-04 05:45)

[Deej]

 met my Sweet-Patootie(sorry) Through mutual friends. We found we had alot in common(reformed Punks) and we hit it off immediately. She has a 6 year old son from a previous relationship, I love him dearly. Her Ex and I had to come to terms once....we all need a little guidance, and i was happy to provide it for him.

I'm 28, we've been together since I was 26..she's 25. I never imagined someone who could deal with the train-wreck that is me, but she's managed. She's put up with me working overseas and being away for months and years at a time. Now that I'm in a stateside job, she works around my irregular hours.

We've recently bought a house, and our household includes: Us, her son, my nephew(I'm his legal guardian), and my brother. It's like we've formed our own Non-Nuclear family. ASH, I can't describe how happy life is for me. There is alot of love floating around my house.

Like you, all my friends got married and had kids first. Like you, they all pressured me into doing the same. But, My girl, and I, aren't married, we don't have children together(yet), and we're in no hurry to do these things. We are incredibly happy! You have to take your time, do what's right for you. You'll go through the INSIPID broads (I did). But, eventually, you'll fing someone who fits JAMEY, you'll see!

Until that time, have a blast, live it up..and when the time comes, it'll happen. In the mean time, we only have a 4 bedroom, but plenty of couch space and a room above the garage...you always have a home in OKC. Who knows, maybe your someone is outside of Iowa!!!

[Ash]

Deej wrote:

> You'll go through the INSIPID broads (I did). But, eventually,
> you'll fing someone who fits JAMEY, you'll see!
>
> Until that time, have a blast, live it up..and when the time
> comes, it'll happen. In the mean time, we only have a 4
> bedroom, but plenty of couch space and a room above the
> garage...you always have a home in OKC. Who knows, maybe your
> someone is outside of Iowa!!!


And you said that I "had lost it" and that "I was scaring the townsfolk" just last weekend!
I figured you for the type of guy who wouldn't like me and want to kick my ass just because I am who I am.
I have no enemies but every now & again I come across a man who hates me for whatever reason he has seemingly formulated in his mind.
Usually it's based on some form of inferiority complex...but not always

I am more willing to make friends with those who ridicule me as I would rather have an ally than an enemy.
Don't hate me...or even dislike me.
It isn't my fault....it's who I am.
I may write s**t out of pure emotion sometimes but you cannot deny that I'm a down to earth guy who knows what he's talking about.
I may not be right all of the time but you must admit that I do make some good & valid points.
You have to take me with a grain of salt my friend!

I know that you've read some of the stuff I've written and been appalled and even insulted me but you cannot deny that we do indeed have many things in common.
Why else would you respond to my posts & threads?

Either way, I only want friends here.
I consider you a friend!
What say you?

(I had to clear this up with you because you seem to go off whenever I wrote anything negative...which I am prone to do from time to time...better to be cleared up now then to keep it in the dark right?)

The discusion was about "Significant Others" wasn't it?
Oh right....what were we saying?



Post Edited (02-28-04 19:14)

[Deej]

Buddy, I NEVER hated you. I think we both share a tendancy to talk out of our ass. No big deal. The "..scaring the townfolk" thing was meant as a joke, but after reading some other comments that were posted on that thread, I realized that it could be taken as a put down, and I wiped it out.

I read things that you, Burgo, Brother R, Scott, Susan,Dave, and others write, and I marvel at how smart you all are. I think you'll agree, we're a pretty knowlegable bunch. Sometimes we disagree, sometimes we bump heads. It does happen. But, whether we agree or disagree, we always respect each other. Or, I think we try to respect each other. Sometimes I make remarks, in fun, that are taken out of context. Sometimes, I make remarks, In all seriousness, not taking into account that this is a public board.

I have expressed concern for you, and I realize that as a member of a message board, that's not my place. But, that's the way I am, it's my job to take care of people, and it;s my nature .

I will try to temper my remarks in the future, and give greater consideration to how they may make others feel. I also want to make damn sure that you know I hold NO animosity toward you or anyone else on this board. Furthermore, you have my e-mail addresses and if there's anything you would like to discuss further, please contact me.

Okay, so now that we've finished our group hug.....Do Zombies have sex??



Post Edited (02-28-04 08:49)

[Neon Noodle]

 ASHTHECAT wrote:

> I was curious...how and where did you meet the woman/man that
> you eventually decided to commit your mind, body & soul to for
> the rest of your life?
> How did you propose?

I was going to graduate school at the time, and in the midst of a long distance relationship. My wife worked in the campus bookstore - the first time I met her I was cashing a check for $20 to go out and get blizted, probably not the greatest impression...

After 2 years of courting, I decided to propose on her birthday, which is the 4th of July. Perfect, since I couldn't afford a really awesome ring (that's what anniversaries are for) and the fireworks probably made the ring look bigger!

>
> What was your wedding like and where did it take place?
> Did you blow a bundle on it or was it a quiet, private
> ceremony?
> Did your parents pay for it or did it all come out of your own
> pocket?
> Did you elope?
> Run off to Vegas?

It was a big wedding - my wife is Italian and I quickly found out that the idea of a small italian wedding is inviting only half of the Eastern Seaboard! My parents ended up paying with my inlaws.
>
> Everyone that I talk to tells me that they
> wish they had done as I'm doing now.  They wish that they had
> waited and nearly ALL of them tell me that they envy me and my
> situation of being single with no kids at 30.
> Go figure!

I figured I would be alone the rest of my life - it was quite a pleasant surprise to find my wife and have a child together. Hopefully more in the future!
>
> What do you think of your "significant other" and how are
> things going?
> What do you think of my quandary?

I'd be a liar if I said my life is perfect. I have quite a few issues to work on, such as my depression. Hence why I am on medication to level the playing field now. But I wouldn't trade my wife and child for anything. And I truly mean that.

I would say that you hit a lot of good points - it's truly hard to sind a significant other in this day and age. Best of luck, there's got to be women out there looking for the same things you are.

[odinn7]

Stupid as it sounds Ash, I have found that the best way to meet a woman that will mean something to you is to not try too hard. It seems the more you try, the less likely it is to happen.
I'd rather not go into details about my marriage but I'll say that it took me a previous marriage to a worthless, using, ho before I woke up and realized what I wanted. Now I am married to a great woman and have a beautiful child because of it.
Everything will work out for you eventually, when it's time. Don't rush it because others feel the need to pressure you.

[Bgrade]

Mine story is really fairly boring.

My wife and I started dating in 10 grade/High school. (first dates/only dates)

Dated for 7 years. then got married after I finished college before heading off to graduate school.

We now have a 7 year old boy, a dog and a hamster. and a nice house.
All is well.

On a side note.  My 3 best friends friends from college that I still get together with to watch bad movies and golf are still all single and are 35-40 years old.

[Susan]

I'm layed back, love movies (including guy flicks, trash hits and b picks). I give a man his freedom to hang with his buddies and have a life. I can tune up my own car and love learning stuff I probably have no need learning. How am I not a catch? :)  Of course I hate the club scene and ideally want my match to be a buddy that I enjoy hanging out with. From my last long relationship i found out if you guys aren't "friends" that actually enjoy talking and hanging out you sure as hell are going to have a boring conversationless relationship.

I resent those "you'll find that perfect someone when you least expect it" comments. Does every old person or middle age found theirs yet? NO! I'll be that lonely woman on the bench throwing rocks at the couples walking by. It's way harder for a woman to find someone as she gets older than a man, since as a man gets older his dating pool stays the same.
Remember "Dazed and confused"?

"I just love those high school girls, i keep getting older and they stay the same age"
Am I cynical? Pessemistic? Nah, just a realist ;-)
Of course on the other hand had i stayed in my last relationship, how happy would i have been? Sure i woulda had someone there to hold my hand if I was mamed by a wild bear and someone to stick my cold feet on at 2am, but not the kind of person who would have sat up watching bad movies with me and pondering the micro existance of life underneath a fingernail or serious topics like the global economic crisis. He was the kind of guy who nodded his head when i would talk and zone out because we never really had the same interests. In fact after 10 years i never figured out what those interests were except video games and foosball.

Not everyone I know and work with is married, but they have kids or have been married. When I tell someone i'm single it's "Why?" It's to the point i wanna tell them that my third arm growing from my back sometimes gets in the way. I've been in a longterm relationship, odd, most of the time i was unhappy. So now my goal in life is more realistic and achievable..i just want to own my own house ;-)

And by god john if you say one more thing about mullet man, so help me....



Post Edited (02-28-04 11:57)

[jmc]

I didn't meet my Significant Other until I had already turned 30.  


[small quiet voice]  I, um....met my wife on the Internet.  

It was a huge gamble [and I've tried it before only to not have it work out] but this time it did.  We've been married around six months and so far things are great.

I don't know if I would recommend it to everyone, though...and a few years ago I would not have recommended it at all, but there are so many people online now that it's a really good way to meet people if you're stuck in an area or situation that keeps you from meeting anyone [I certainly was.]  

There are a lot of things that make it more difficult than meeting someone through more traditional means, but I know several other couples who have gotten together this way as well.  Though I would recommend people try it locally first.  It's really hard when it's someone who is halfway across the country.  It worked for me, but I think I'm fortunate in that respect.  I didn't really enjoy the job I had or the situation I was in where I was living before, so moving wasn't too big of a deal.  It would have been much tougher had I been comfortable with where I was and with what I was doing.  

But...I really hope for no more major life changes for at least the next year or so.
Leaving one's job, getting married, and moving cross country is enough!

[odinn7]

Though some may "resent" the comment I made, I still stand by it and fully believe it. That is of course unless there are some major issues involved...

[Mr_Vindictive]

JMC,

I too met my wife online.  I didn't know at the time that she was going to the same school as me, until I ran into her in the hallway one day.  Nearly six years later now, and we are just as happy as ever.

[Chopper]

i just prefer chloroform and kidnapping, is that illegal?

[Ash]

Wow Susan I sense a little pent up anger there!
Why so mad?


Oh no!  
You compared me to Wooderson in Dazed & Confused!
Trust me Susan, I am NOTHING like that guy!
Hehe!

[Susan]

I'm only mad at those who look at single people like they're a freak of nature. Then the single people begin to feel like that. I've come to terms with it. Sorry, hard to get a sense of my sarcasm and humor from just reading my posts

Is life really incomplete without marriage and kids? Sure it would be nice but guess what, i won't die if it never happens. Neither will you!  ;-)

Singe life has plenty of advantages. No worries about a divorce, alimony, custody battles..etc. The money in the account is mine...all mine! No 2am dip in the toilet because someone left the seat up. No "I'm sorry honey, was i not supposed to put your cashmere sweater in the dryer?" I can enjoy a totally tasteless movie without having to justify it ..not to mention i can see whatever movie i want every time. No comments about how you're getting fat and old and you don't need to spend any more of the shared money. no sleeping in the wet spot. (ok that was uncalled for) The only thing I miss is someone to pop my back

Plus I got the remote all to myself!



Post Edited (02-28-04 18:09)

[JohnL]

Well, in less than a month, I'm going to turn 37 and I'm not married, in fact I don't even have a girlfriend. I *KNOW* I'll still be single at 40. Sometimes I get incredibly depressed over the fact that I'm alone and my life has gone nowhere. Then I get even more depressed over the fact that my mother will probably never get to have grandchildren. She's never said anything, but I know she'd love to be a grandmother because I see how she is with her friend's granddaughter. For reasons I won't go into, I doubt that'll happen anytime in the forseeable future. It's like I'm stuck at the bottom of a hole watching life go by above me, without me.

>And by god john if you say one more thing about mullet man, so help me....

What? He hasn't returned your calls yet? :)