Theme Songs From Hell

[Squishy]

Okay, the theme from The Last Dinosaur is pretty awful. And we all know just how much weeping and sobbing and gut-wrenching hatred the opening of Santa Claus Conquers The Martians can generate. But there are others out there that--as grotesque as it may seem--are worse.

My nominee: The Beast In Space. A 1978 Italian film with a theme song in English. Unfortunately, all the "o" are pronounced 'long'--in other words, "brothers" is pronounced "br-oh-thers" and "shocking" comes out "show-king."

I'm gonna have to dig the thing out of the closet to get the full lyrics--pronunciation aside, the lyrics are still completely idiotic--and post 'em...but in the meantime: (1) has anyone else here seen this abomination, and (2) what theme song curdles your milk? Include lyrics or an online link if possible.

[Abby]

Real Media: The Dr. Gore Overture


What irritates me the most about the tune isn't the lyrics (which are dumb, but pretty cute) -- it's that danged "Raindrops on Roses" phrase of music that is repeated roughly forty THOUSAND TIMES throughout the film. The only thing more ear splitting, in my mind, is the "House of Psychotic Women" theme song.

Oh, and the lyrics are here:

Lyrics At the bottom of the page.

[thomas hulstrøm]

If you wanna hear something that is both awful and very funny... listen to the theme for "Star Odyssey", an italian scifi from the late 70s... I cant believe how tacky it is. The film itself is an experience as well - check it out, well worth the time - if you like your films awful that is....

Thomas Hulstrøm

[Flangepart]

My....God. I hit the play, and it kept comming! Nothing will kill it! Arggggggh! Wow. That Hurt! I see what ya' mean, Abby. That stupid tune is as persistant as a Brocoli Fart! Dang...you is on tough woman.

[Flangepart]

"s**tty s**tty, Bang Bang." I never even seen the movie, and i hate that stupid song! Is it the theme?....i don't care, i hate it so freakin mutch!  Argh. Most bad themes have some points of intrest...like Abby's example....but (Sob)....make the bad Flying car go away!

[lester1/2jr.]

I may have mentioned it before, but in one of Bruce lee's movies, maybe "Game of Death", there's this song "All time high" "we're at an all time hiiiiiiiiiiigh" that is so awful.  and such a dumb lyric.

[AndyC]

We can't forget "Save the Earth," from Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster (although I wish I could forget it).

There are also plenty of examples of people in movies singing horrible songs that aren't the theme. Tivoli Nights, for example, during the segment of Reptilicus that looks like it was sponsored by the Copenhagen tourism board.

Any other examples of a bad song stuck into a movie for no good reason?

[Flangepart]

War of the Gargantuas......"The words get stuck in my throat"....I WISH!....God, in heaven, i hate that song. Producers mistress, anyone? "Tivoli Nights"...where do i begin? Cute chick, but i mistyed that one real good! The pauses between lyrics give space for riffing. Just add the word "Naked" each time she pauses, and see how the song goes down then! When that film goes into" travelog mode".....Yeah, joel and the Bots should have doen this one........"Danish Scatt".....Please, make it stop(Sob)....

[Vermin Boy]

Ever hear Devo's cover of "The Words Get Stuck in my Throat?" They recorded it as a new track for the recent anthology on Rhino... The lead vocals are by their squeaky-voiced mascot, Booji Boy!

[Flangepart]

Oh....My....God. Words fail me.....Yep....need a good, still drink.

[Squishy]

Actually, I like to sing along to "Words Get Stuck In My Throat" while watching War of the Gargantuas; I just like to substitute other words for the word "words." ("turds," "goat," "d***," "choad," "phlegm"--use your imagination. You can also change "throat" to something else if you REALLY want to clear the room...)
___________

"But I don't HAVE an imagination."
---Ringo The Beatles' Yellow Submarine

[Mofo Rising]

Abby wrote:
>
> > href=http://www.williamgirdler.com/download/goresugar.ram>Real Media: The Dr. Gore Overture
>

Actually, I really like this for its atrociousness.

Now I really want to play this at a jumping party just to see how fast it clears the room.  I can picture it now: Mix it in at the end of one of those techno songs.  Just as the crowd is starting to groove to the new "Raindrops on Roses" rhythm, drop the beat and just let the whole terrible thing go from there.  Confusion!

[Squishy]

If anybody--Andrew? Abby?--wants to copy this song in all its glory (the music is almost as fug dup as the lyrics), just let me know, and you can have the tape. I got it from Video Search of Miami, but I don't think they carry it anymore; however, if you pop the title, in quotation marks, into Google.com, you'll find online sellers who do. Beast In Space totally eats, mixing Star Trek and Star Wars with Italian actors in a mess that makes Starcrash look like Gone With The Wind.

Remember, all the "o"s are pronounced long. "Shocking" sounds like "show king," and so on.

Without further ado, with funky synth-muze:

We are not alone, here in space,
Every day...new planets.
We are not alone, here in space,
Every day...new life.
Every day, every day, amazing flights
And angels, in shocking spaceships!
We are not alone, here in space,
Because,
Here in space, we have brothers.
 
Every day, every day, go far away,
To colonize in-hos-pi-table worlds,
We are not alone, here in space,
Because,
Here in space, we have brothers.

We are not alone, here in space,
Every day...new UFOs.
We are not alone, here in space,
Every day...new dangers.
Every day, every day, new thing can bring
Computers and superhuman men!
We are not alone, here in space,
Because,
Here in space, we have brothers.

[Cullen]

I've gone through all of the posts in this little section and I have yet to see the "Theme to  Green Slime" mentioned even in passing.  That has *got* to be up there somewhere, right?

[lester1/2jr.]

I can play that on the guitar!! "greeen sliiiiiiiiiime"  stupendous movie.