OT: Bad Albums

[Derf]

I do own Pat Boone's In a Metal Mood and still listen to it occasionally. He covers heavy metal songs ("Enter Sandman," "Crazy Train," "Smoke on the Water," etc.) with more of a jazz score. I played it once for some friends who are more into metal than I am, and they actually screamed and made me take it out.

[AndyC]

I actually really enjoyed Paul Anka's latest album, Rock Swings. He basically does a whole bunch of popular 80s and 90s tunes as swing tunes, kind of Sinatra-like. And it works.

As far as what's bad, I'd say the worst music is the sort of cookie-cutter commercial pop that's been coming out, all engineered to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Not a drop art left in it. All sounds the same.

The mention of metal made me think of a conversation my wife and I had while watching Canadian Idol earlier this week. Compared to its American counterpart, it actually tries to offer a lot more diversity in music. Anyway, this week, they were doing rock, which I found very interesting. It was down to the last four, I think, so all were pretty strong singers, but not one of them could sing rock. They could sing on key, they could sing loudly, they could even affect a bit of a growl, but they just couldn't push it over into that on-pitch scream that the song demanded.

My wife and I got to talking about just how hard it is to sing on key with the kind of power those old metal singers put behind it. People never gave those guys their due. I mean, if you can't sing on key, you sure can't shriek on key, and even then, its a challenge. Jeez, try imitating Brian Johnson for five seconds and your throat hurts.

The other thing the successful metal bands - or any classic rock bands - had going for them was distinctiveness. The good ones all had a distinctive style, but more importantly, the lead singers all had distinctive voices. Listen to Alice Cooper, AC/DC, Guns 'n' Roses or Aerosmith. You don't even have to know the song to know who it is. Works for almost any good rock band of the 70s or 80s, in fact. Today, popular music is all about perfect pitch and perfect voices (when it's not about looks), the songs are written by committee, and it all comes out sounding the same. And the radio stations play it over and over and over again.

Next to that, the Wrestling Album looks like a masterpiece. Actually, in terms of distinctive vocals and variety, it has much more in common with good music.

[BeyondTheGrave]

I agree with you AndyC. Maybe I am biased to the old stuff but when I listen to the radio I can tell whos who when it comes to the rock from 70s 80s and even early 90s stuff being a fan of them or not. When it comes to today I can't tell. Its hard to tell Green Day from Sum 41 for example. Even in the metal I can't tell Killswitch engage from Lamb of God. I might not like them all that much I always felt System Of  a Down has a unique sound that I can tell from others. Even when I go to the underground rock clubs some guys who play metal or hard rock its" like didn't I hear this before"?

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Most of all I hate dancing then work, exercise, people,stupid people

[peter johnson]

I own a copy of Richard Harris' "Photographs" albumn --
This is a genuinely bad BAD music record.
I treasure it.
I have played this for people -- nobody can make it past the first 3 cuts . . . so far . . .
Perhaps Vermin would care to contribute to this thread ?
peter johnson/denny crane

[Zapranoth]

You guys know about Golden Throats: the Great Celebrity Sing-Off, I assume?  (of course you do, on this site.  But if you don't, well... look at this. )

That album is truly a flaming piece of s**t.  It's definitely something to put on in the background at a party, just to see who is paying attention.

The churned-out pop crap these days is bad, too, though, in a less distinctive way.  Golden Throats is bad in the way "bad" movies are bad -- bad enough to listen to.  But when I'm reading iMixes on the iTunes store, looking for new music to jog to, I see whole playlists of stuff by bands I've never heard of... bands with names, and sounds, that essentially amount to a Douglas Adams SEP field...

[odinn7]

I'm thoroughly sick of modern music. It DOES all sound the same. I can't tell who's who and most of the time, I don't even care. Very few bands these days have anything that sets them apart. I do like Godsmack and a few others but there aren't many newer groups out there worth anything.

[Susan]

oddin, i'm the same way I listen to Gorillaz tho. Some of The Killers music (that you don't hear on the radio) is good. But mostly i'm retro 80's, i like old stuff like The Smiths, U2, as well as obscure stuff like a few songs from This mortal coil. I'm all over the map with my taste in music, i even like the xanadu album (mostly for the ELO songs )

;-)

[AndyC]

Distinctiveness is really what is lacking in most music today. I can think of any number of classic songs that can be identified in the first couple of seconds. They have a catchy beat, an interesting melody, some sort of distinctive guitar riff. The groups stood out from each other, and the songs stood out from each other.

It's funny, if you look at the greatest names in the history of rock, you will find that good looks and silky-smooth voices weren't all that important. They could write great songs, they could play them, they could belt them out. They had style, showmanship.

When my wife and I saw the Eagles in Toronto last spring, I think Don Henley summed the industry up nicely, when he mentioned that someone had told the Eagles they're not 'video material.'

"Our belly buttons aren't pretty. We can't dance. All we can do is sing and play these instruments. Go figure."

Another great illustration of the problem can be found in the radio business itself. A local radio station here (the number one station, last time I cared) has a weekly internet listeners poll, which I thought was a good idea until I realized they were abdicating any sort of thought, vision or responsibility on their own part. Now that I think about it, they were great up until they started the poll, and then they started to suck, because they're now aimed squarely at the lowest common denominator.

After participating in the poll for a couple of months, I stopped listening to their station. Listen to 35 song clips in succession, and you soon come to realize that they all sound alike. Do it for eight or ten weeks, and you realize the songs they play also never change, and they never seem to try anything new in the poll, where it would be safe to experiment. I still didn't give up on the station until the program director (a smug a***ole) started sending me patronizing emails, arguing with the feedback he had supposedly asked for, and basically telling me that since they are now on top, they don't give a damn about the listeners who supported them up to now. He actually told me the poll was so much better than the old days, when they'd have to wait for the ratings to come out, scratch their heads and try something new. He actually said this.

Basically, he told me they didn't need my business. So be it. Haven't listened to them for at least six months. Last weekend, I turned the station on, and it was like I never left. Sounded exactly the same. Same songs, same crappy station promos. I was thoroughly sick of those songs months ago, and they're still on there. It's weird, they don't play a lot of classic stuff anymore, and they don't add much new stuff either. Sooner or later, they're going to fall out of first place, and they'll be scratching their heads in spite of themselves.

Then again, even the classic rock stations don't use much imagination. Thirty or forty years of rock, artists with long lists of successful albums, and you'd think it's a handful of one-hit wonders by what gets played.

I'm just lucky I found a station in my area where they actually have some respect for the music, and they seem to be successful enough. I'll never go back to any of the others.

[Zapranoth]

"Suddenleeeeee....  the wheels are in mo-shun.... and ahhhh-ha-ha ha HI......"

Susan likes Waterworld AND ELO *and* OLJ...  Susan likes Waterworld AND ELO *and* OLJ....

(Hahahaha.... I've got some ELO albums too.  My tastes are pretty eclectic as well - I've got the soundtrack to Urgh!  A Music War, and somewhere around here I even have a Klaus Nomi album.)

I'll have to check out Godsmack, Gorillaz, and the Killers.  I was going over the itunes store and saw that "Go Faster" by the Black Crowes was on a lot of running lists, and finally seriously listened to them... pretty good stuff.  

Just recently saw an exceedingly pouty-looking Mariah Carey in a music video, in which she was doing some really annoying yet fortunately barely audible hip-hoppy stuff... I think she's gotta be up there for bad, in terms of overall horrid-ness divided by musical talent.  I'd have to put Whitney up there too, for sheer overall waste of God-given gifts...

[Zapranoth]

Ugh.  Just listened to that Fabio mp3 site.

You're right.. he does in fact say that he has "mammaries of our perfect time together."

At least I know what my best friend is getting for his birthday this March, though.  =)

My top bad albums (in no particular order)

1.   Captain and Tennille's Greatest Hits (it has Muskrat Love on it!)
2.   John Travolta Sings
3.   An astonishingly horrid album of German yodeling that my mom threw our way one year.  Bunch of girls, sounded like they had spoons stuck in their throats.
4.   The Big & Rich album that has "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" on it.

(That song is astonishingly bad.  It features the line, "ah'm a thoroughbred, that's what she said, in the back of her truck.. BED" in it.  And the words "bling bling" used as a verb.)

5.   Dwight Yoakem's Greatest Hits.  Has an utter butchery of Cheap Trick's "I Want You to Want Me" on it.  And other bad things.

6.   Most any Alan Jackson album, period.

7.   Oooh.  The Brady Bunch Album, that sucked.

8.   The Transformed Man (Shatner!)

I'm sure I'll remember more later.

[lester1/2jr]

surprise i didn't see "the shaggs: philosophy of the world" here.  better than the beatles as frank zappa claimed

[peter johnson]

Ah, yes!  The Zappa quote re. The Shaggs -- Zappa also recycled the Edgard Varese quote, "The present-day composer refuses to die!!" --
There are far too many really great acts out there that will never hit it big, no matter how hard they try.
In Boulder right now we have a number of really terrific acts that don't fit a comfy style-hole, so they will struggle regardless of talent:
Jay Munly and The Lee Lewis Harlots -- Munly describes what they do as "dark American gothic" -- not Goth, but gothic -- like Grant Wood.  He plays backup for Slim Cessna's Auto Club, on Jello Biafra's Alternative Tentacles records, but this is much further out there than Slim . . .
Woven Hand -- composed of members of 16 Horsepower, who have an overseas following.  Again, too far out there -- BUT, in a country where Tom Waits finally hit it big, Hope springs eternal . . .
BUT, enough about good, unique, compelling music -- Let's get back to BAD!!:
I have a record from Holland from the mid-70's:  Beethoven Psychadelic.  This is a band that compiled everything that was bad about Pink Floyd, ELO, Electric Prunes, etc., and put it all on one disc.:  Inappropriate overdubs, ridiculous narration, people howling & going "aaahhhh!!" a lot . . . really unlistenable.
Speaking of Zappa, I also own Wild Man Fisher's second albumn:  "Hello, My Name is Larry".  This albumn did not benefit from Frank Zappa's production.  Bear in mind that Larry "Wild Man" Fisher was a street lunatic.
Sebastian Cabot Reads Bob Dylan, anyone? . . .
peter johnson/denny crane

[Zapranoth]

Already got the Sebastian Cabot reading Dylan, on the Golden Throats album.

(Note: that's *reading*.)

[StatCat]

There's some fantasic album covers here!

http://www.boston.com/ae/music/gallery/bad_album_covers/

Huge manowar fan

[trekgeezer]

Okay StatCat, that bad album cover site is proof positive that drugs and the record business have always gone hand in hand.  There's no other way to explain some of them.