Kinda OT: Have you made B-Movie? Have you always wanted to? Tell us about it!

[dean]

Ok, so we all watch bad-movies, we love and appreciate an alternative world view of terrible acting, tacky special effects and set design [if, of course, the particular film wasn't just made in the back of somebody's house that is]  and yes, even more terrible acting.

But what about making them ourselves?

I say this because recently I made a silly short film of low grade quality for my university's annual short film festival, and have been thinking of making even more terrible films in the future.  My film was shortlisted, which was great, and we had the awards night recently.  

It was made with friends with a budget of under $10.00 [which covered the cost of a water pistol, red cordial, whipped cream and a pie crust.]  We didn't win anything, of course, though it got alot of laughs and some random girl said to one of my friends after the awards night that we should have won, even if she was drunk at the time.  But it was still nice to hear [I still claim it was a conspiracy, since everyone who won knew the organisers by name, even if the winning film deserved it.]

Anyway, I know a few people on this site have delved into the movie-making scene at one point or another and are also thinking of starting/studying in the field.  

So what I'd like to hear is stories from people who made films/were involved in processes of some sort or another, any anecdotes that we haven't heard before [or ones that we have for those who are nostalgic]  Any horror stories from a gruelling shoot?  Any stupid plots that the director just couldn't let go of?

Of course this extends to making movies with friends for no other purpose than having fun, like those you may have made when you were 12 etc.

What were the stories of these crappy films?  As B-movie fans, I can imagine that the odds of something subverted and wacky would be fairly high.  Of course quality is not an issue, we don't care how terrible a film is [in most cases at least!]

What about ideas for a story that you'd like to see?  Maybe not the one about a giant Aye-Aye, but hey, possible plot lines for crappy movie ideas are a must!!  

Basically, I'd like to find out what the people on this board would like to see and what they have done in the past: as celebrated B-movie fans, it would be great to hear from those in the industry, and I can imagine that alot of you would have thought about what they'd like to see in a B-movie themselves, so go ahead!  

What is that crazy plot you'd always like to see?  How did you go about making your crappy film?  Go on, tell all, so we can all bask in the B-movie brilliance!

[odinn7]

Oh, you just hit some of my memories from when I was growing up. Back in '82 a friend and I made a stop-go film on 8mm and then 2 horror movies after that. The first one was inspired by James Bond films and I used my hamster and mice in it. I titled it "Death After Life" and it starred Teddy Hamster as Agent 006 1/2. Tagline was "Better than Bond...and smaller too!". We spent days making this film and were very careful with the stop and go filming which we needed for car chases and other "stunts" in which we used model cars and little stuffed toys that looked similar to the mice and hamster. The worst part about making this movie was that using the 8mm film camera, we needed spotlights for filming inside. It was quite an ordeal to sit there under those lights for all that time. One chase scene took almost 5 hours to make and I felt like I had sunburn by the time we were done.
My next one was "Killer Monster" (imaginative title, huh?) in which we used live actors and filmed outside. I really enjoyed gory horror movies at the time (still do) so there was lots and lots of ketchup used in this one. The budget on this film was about $20 which was about $4 for the film, $4 for developing and the rest...ketchup. The film was ridiculous but loads of fun to make.
We followed that one up with "Thursday the 12th" which was basically a stalker/killer movie and a chance to use more ketchup. We had a few funny moments in the film and more ketchup than the last one. One thing that sticks in my mind (and I'm mentioning this for a reason, just hold on) was that we made this movie shortly after Henry Fonda died. We were doing a scene in which the killer shoots someone in their apartment and we decided they should be reading a newspaper and then the blood could be all over that instead of clothes. So we looked for an old newspaper and found the NY Daily News with the front page story and headline "Fonda Dies". Being somewhat disturbed as I am, that was the paper that was to be used. So we do the scene, my sister is laying there in the chair with the newspaper across her with ketchup splattered all over the front page where it says "Fonda Dies". I was quite proud of my accomplishment and how well it worked out. Even the scene in which my friends sister gets shot and spews ketchup from the mouth and lets it run all over a desk came out rather well. What a gleefully excellent film we made! This one cost about $25...now, there's an amusing story to go along with this....
My parents are divorced and have been since I was 5. I lived with my father and used to visit my mother whenever she could find the time to fit me in. I had just gotten the last film finished and edited right before I was supposed to vist her one summer week. She told me my aunt and grandmother were coming for a little while too. I asked if I could bring the films I had made and she thought what a great idea that would be. Keep in mind I was around 13 at the time and they really didn't know me as far as I'm concerned.
So anyway, to make a long story short, I'm showing the films to them and my grandmother had friends with her from Germany. So I'm showing the films to a group of 7 people and the first one is Death After Life with the mice and hamster, no blood. They all were amused and really liked it, how cute and all.
Next I showed Killer Monster. One scene included the monster getting his hand hacked off and the guy that did it stomps on the hand. We had filled it with ketchup and when he stomps, it sprays all over...cool! Well, they kind of became quiet during this film...except my aunt who seemed to like it.
Then I finished off with Thursday the 12th...ha-ha! Got to the scene with the girl spewing blood from her mouth and I was looking around. My grandmother was clutching her stomach and I swear her and her friends were green, my mother had a blank expression and my aunt was smiling. Now, here's why I mentioned the thing about Fonda and the newspaper. We get to that scene and there's blood all over the paper and there was a close up of it in which you could clearly make out the headline. My grandmother gasped and ran from the room. Her friends looked like they were going to faint. My mother still had a blank stare. My aunt, well, she was smiling. Anyway, it ended and my aunt told me how great she thought the films were. The imagination involved and all the work, surely, I was made for this kind of thing and should persue the career. I can't recall what my grandmother said but it was something generic and I remember it not sitting well with me. After they all left I asked my mother what the problem was. She said (I'll never forget this) "I think they were expecting something more along the lines of teddy bears and unicorns." Yeah, they didn't know me very well.

As a side, I would like to get these transferred to video some day as our 8mm projector doesn't work anymore and that's not a real efficient way to watch movies anyway.



Post Edited (09-19-05 11:19)

[dean]

odinn7 wrote:

> "I think they were
> expecting something more along the lines of teddy bears and
> unicorns."

Which, if involved with the proper amount of gore would be really great!


The film I entered into the competition was a 'how to' guide for making crappy films.  It was titled 'the dummies guide to idiots making films,' and basically had a few instances in how to make a film, despite not actually having any talent.  
It was set out in a number of chapters, with a few short ones and a couple of long segments:

The longer ones were:

The Art of the silent film [because you are too cheap to afford flashy things like colour and sound]: In which after a bit of dancing and silly music, I get hit in the face with a cream pie.

and

The Art of Sound Effects [because sound effects can make even the most poorly acted and filmed scenes seem somewhat less crappy]: In which we have a Law and Order/CSI detective scene which is really badly scripted, but there are lots of sound effects to make it seem 'better'.  Basically alot of wooshing sounds.  In it I chop my friends arm off with an axe, and he sits there 'blood' squirting out while he's fairly nonchalant about the whole thing.

Overall the whole thing was pretty fun, and we had the motto 'we'll get it in post' throughout the whole thing.  I'm glad it got laughs!

The film I entered in the same competition last year [which actually won an award, yay!] was about a guy who finds a toy clown, in which they fall in love, but the clown is evil and tells the guy to kill his two best friends.  It was filmed in a wierd way, with basically just still shots edited to look hand drawn.  

Technically it looked pretty neat, and the whole concept was pretty wacky so I was pretty happy with it, though it didn't mix together as well as I would have hoped.  This film was called 'The Pat and Giggles Story,' though I'm a little concerned about the whole 'sexual predator toy clown' idea...

Boy do I love making silly films...



Post Edited (09-19-05 11:15)

[LH-C]

What I'm about to tell you is about a video my cousins made in the '80s which I haven't seen, but my younger brother was in it. My uncle was always buying video cameras, and my cousins were always playing with it and trying to make movies and things. So one Saturday, two of my cousins come up with this idea to make a horror movie (although I don't think they'd seen many horror movies at the time). It was called 'Uncle Beano'. I don't think the tape even exists anymore, but I've heard many a-story about all the shenanigans and hi-jinks that went on trying to make it.

Now, as for myself, never tried to make a movie (yet), but when I was about 15, I did make a few fake radio show audio tapes, as if I were a radio DJ trying to interview musicians. What the hell was I thinking....and no I wasn't on anything either.

[odinn7]

LH-C wrote:

>
> Now, as for myself, never tried to make a movie (yet), but when
> I was about 15, I did make a few fake radio show audio tapes,
> as if I were a radio DJ trying to interview musicians. What the
> hell was I thinking....and no I wasn't on anything either.
>

You're not alone in doing this. We also used to make radio shows on tape but rather than interviewing real people, we would interview characters and things. All of this was played up to be totally stupid on purpose. We even took the time to interview Darth Vader once and used snippets from songs for his answers. One time we did a "play by play" while the Death Star was being attacked and we used my Star Wars record in the background for the sound effects. Good times. I miss the "innocence" of those days.

[LH-C]

*sigh of relief* Thanks Odinn....

[peter johnson]

All of you should go visit Vermin's various sites --
* * * *
I've done -- at last count -- 34 films that I can remember/have actual records of having done.
No doubt I've forgotten a few ---
Out of the 34, 5 got International distribution, about 13 were shown in film festival settings -- some are still out there -- and the rest just dropped from sight & disappeared . . .
You can see Andrew's review of ROBOCHIC here at Badmovies -- One reason I love the site!!
I still work in a bank . . . a word of reality/warning to those of you who decide to pursue the Dark Side . . .
peter johnson/denny crane

[Mr_Vindictive]

I've always wanted to make a film, but I've just never had the time nor the resources.  I've written numerous scripts in the past, but none have ventured further than my hard drive on my PC.

I'm currently saving up some cash for a decent DV cam, probably a Canon GL2.

[dean]

Skaboi wrote:

> I've always wanted to make a film, but I've just never had the
> time nor the resources.  I've written numerous scripts in the
> past, but none have ventured further than my hard drive on my
> PC.
>
> I'm currently saving up some cash for a decent DV cam, probably
> a Canon GL2.
>

DV cameras are pretty darn handy when it comes to making your own films: editing on the computer is just so easy!  

Anyways, as a B-movie fan, resources shouldn't be an issue, since you should be able to make a film [after getting a camera of course] for next to nothing by employing crappy actors, and using crappy filmmaking techniques!

What are some of the basic ideas for these scripts anyway?  Anything that would appeal to the B-movie crowd, such as Odinn7's 'shock the relatives' film?  Or do you have something planned that's more ambitious?

[ulthar]

I've never shot a whole film, but I did play around with some "scenes."  When I was a kid, I used my Dad's 8mm to do a stop motion of a pair of scissors on the prowl.   Recently, to the confusion of my wife, I did a stop motion of one our daughter's toy trucks "driving" around the floor in the middle of home movies.  She just shook her head.

As for film ideas, when I was in high school, one of my "fantasies" was to make "the goriest film ever."  The premise was one of cannibalism, or a variant on the werewolf theme - SOMETHING involving the consumption of human bodies.  I was big into reading Fangoria at the time, and wanted to out-do all the gore effects.  It never got past pure vaporware, though, and I think this is probably the first time I've ever even mentioned it to anybody.

(Side note: at that time, I wrote a LOT of dark, ugly stuff; when I was cleaning out my bedroom just before moving to college, I got a little spooked that anyone reading that stuff would try to have me locked up, so I threw it all away.  Mostly short poetry of a dark sort, some of it in retrospect may have made the basis for some good stories).

An idea I had a about a year ago was to make a CGI film about death and the continuance of life.  It was/is to be a very short (~3 minutes) 'resume' if you will to get into doing CGI support programming like shaders for one of the bigger CGI houses.  I had Ayam and k3D modelers and the Aqsis renderer installed, but alas, the pressures of work have completely obliterated the pursuit of this project.

Finally, I've been noodling around for about 5 years a short story called Billy's Grave that done correctly, I think would translate to film.  Basically, it is a Vietnam era war story about two friends who 'join up' together and see part of the war during their friendship.  But it's not 'drama;' rather, it is more of a psycho thriller type deal.

So, no real Bad Movie plots rattling around in my brain, but if I were to pursue that genre, I think I'd go for the bad sci fi or space horror - the candle flame rocket ship, some really cheesy monster (like a gloved hand shot with wild lighting), etc.  The monster would probably be a metaphor for the loneliness of long distance space travel, which opens a lot of possibilities for cheese - and cheap effects (space is a good canvas because it is black).

[Scottie]

The past year of my life has been filled with crazy movie set stories. I've recently been on sets with budgets ranging in the millions. Some stories are preeetty weird, while others just make my sigh, kick back, and think to myself of all the fun I've had:

My first real set experience occured last year around March when my school was giving an open house presentation for the film/english department. A still photographer named Jim Bridges had given a speech earlier that night and as I was mingling around with the regional celebrities (regional = high country of North Carolina) I began to talk to him. But we couldn't talk long, for he had somewhere to be that was very important. But I still wanted to talk. I was trying to make a name for myself in the area and talking to as many people as possible seemed the most logical way to get my feet wet. Little did I know I was about to jump right in. So we're walking out the door into the open air when he asks me outright if I want to go to a movie set in Greensboro with him that night. That night? It's already 9 o'clock and its a two hour drive to Greensboro, meaning the day on that particular set had just begun, so it  was going to be shooting into the wee hours of the night.... OF COURSE I'll go!

"Good" he says. "Do you have a driver's license? That's good, I lost mine two years ago." He looks me directly in the eye and asks, "You can drive to Greensboro for me, right? It's been a long day I need a drink."

What do I say? I just met the guy ten minutes ago and now he wants me to drive his brand new Lexus two hours in the night while he sips on a few bottles so we can get to Greensboro for a movie shoot.

"Sure," I say. "I don't have much to do tomorrow anyways, let's go." That was a lie. I had a full day of classes the next day, but man I wasn't going to let this pass up. The whole ride down I had one question after another. Where have you been? How did you start in the business? Where did you start? What was Wilmington like? Is LA really that sucky? Does good work speak for itself? Do you own your own equipment? blah blah blah blah blah, I kept going on and on for two hours while he drank himself deeper and deeper into a stupor. When we finally got to Greensboro, we had to check into the hotel where we'd be sleeping (don't worry, it was a double room). The whole time down I'd been contemplating it and when the front desk clerk asked for my name and Jim was about to speak, I blurted out "Victor! My name is Victor." (a Wooten reference for all you out there). Ah man, life was good. It was Tuesday night, I was two hours away from any worries, and I had just given myself a psuedoname.

"Victor Shakapopolis," I said half to the clerk, half to Jim.

Jim just looked down at me and without blinking an eye said "well Victor, lets go."

The movie was being shot at a functioning hospital just outside of town. It was a b***h to find because I was driving and Jim had the directions and he was still tipsy. Already he had given up any formalities between the two of us and was swearing like a sailor trying to figure where the hell we were. "f**k" this and "s**t" that, and "goddam f**king" whatever that was on the side of the road. When we finally got to the parking lot, Jim had to get his equipment out of the utilities truck but there was no key to be found. And we were locked out of the building. And there wasn't anyone around to hear Jim denting the doors with his fist to come let us in. Did I mention Jim swears? Twenty minutes later a maintenance guy from the hospital lets us in and we begin to roam an unfamiliar hospital trying to find all the people and cameras. Our arrival on the set stirred more drama than a mom finding stolen candy in her kid's pockets. Jim's boss was a totally irrational unit production manager. Production manager means he was in charge of people on a set. If you have a complaint, address it to him for rejection. His tirades began immediately.

"Where have you been? Why were you were outside? Why didn't you call? We're paying you to do a job," yack yack yack, Jim didn't even begin to take his threats. He whipped out the intimidator and threatened to quit if he didn't shut his hole to put it bluntly. Actually, Jim didn't put it much less blunty. His retort equated his "inability to arrive on time" to "taking out his father's Escalade to smoke crack rocks in it."

Jim: "What am I, a kid? I can walk away right now. I got better f**king things to do with myself than to hang out in this two bit sideshow you call a movie. f**k you! You want me to go? I'LL GO!"

Boss: "Noooooooooo..... Don't go....... All I'm saying is we pay you to be here at a certain time, so be here."

The irony of that statement can only be experienced while on a movie set. Things move sooo sloooowwwllly thhaaaaat tiiiiiimmmme doooeessn't exist. Jim's job as a still photographer means his work only requires shooting three to five rolls of film over the course of a 10 hour set day. There is time, lots of time in between where nothing of any interest happens whatsoever. Either there's a move, a relight, a magazine change, check the gate, check sound, QUIET!!! Shhh, we're rolling.......... Okay, cut. That's 30 minutes of work for 5 seconds of rolling camera. Nobody even asks about Jim's work. Nobody notices his absence or presence unless he's showing up. With so many people hanging around a set and 30% of them doing nothing, it's hard to distinguish one person from another.

Actually, somebody noticed me. The director needed extras to walk through the background of a lobby scene, so the head PA walked up to me and asked me if I was SAG (Screen Actors Guild). No, I'm not.

"Good!" she said. "Then what I want you to do when I signal you is to walk across there, and sit down there. Someone will come talk to you shortly, but don't say anything, just pantomime. Have you done this before?"

"Yes I have. My name is Victor Shakapopolis and I am a famous actor," I belted. I think everybody turned to look and laugh at me. This is fun.

"Alright, Victor," she said. "Just wait for my signal and then go."

And that's how I became a famous extra for a movie whose name I can't remember. So in a way, I helped make a b-movie. Did I forget to mention the movie was a horror zombie film. Oh man, later that night there were pneumatic lifts throwing beds across hospital rooms, blood spattered night gowns, and I think there might have been a knife. Too bad all of it was going to suck because the story was stupid. Such good equipment going to waste. Oh, did I also forget to mention this particular set was decked to the walls with the latest film technology? They were using Panavision Panaflex 35mm cameras with Strada dolly, hydraulic lifts, kinoflow lighting, 1000' foot mags, a beautiful eyepiece extender, boom mics and separate sound boards and mixers, a behind the scenes documentarian using his own XL2 Canon, a Panavision lens set, the works. It was like thirteen orgasims. So many things blinking and whirring and humming, it was a machine at work. Granted, its operators weren't the smoothest or most knowledgable, but it was still impressive. Jim and I left the set around 7 in the morning to turn in at the hotel for a few hours before mosying back to school. What a great time. He bought me a bottle of whiskey for my driving services and told me to call, expressing interest in seeing some of my work. I've done half a dozen of my own movies, but I still love to talk about that one. Tomorrow I'll tell a shorter story of some of my work.

[odinn7]

That's pretty cool. Sounds like something that you only see in the movies and I bet you'll never forget it.

[Anonymous User]

This probably doesn't even qualify...  Years ago I had one of those logitech webcams that looks like a golfball.  I did a stop motion of the destruction of a Peep.  Between each shot, I'd bite off an appendage until it was gone.

[Mr_Vindictive]

Dean,

Well, as I said, there have been numerous.   They range from drama to comedy, to horror.  The one that would probably most interest the b-movie crowd was a script that I had written about the "ghost dance" movement back in the late 1800s.

Basically it was about a group of troops who are stuck in the middle of that movement.  Unlike what actually happened in history, the ghost dance works and the small group has to face an onslaught of ghost/undead Native Americans.

The only problem that I really had with the script was trying to make both sides equal.  It's hard to write something like that and not make the reader/viewer hate the Native Americans.

But, like the other scripts, they have never seen the light of day.  It's not anything I think would ever get picked up, and it's not anything that I'd have the resources to shoot.  I like to think that I'd make a better documentarian than anything else.

[Derf]

A group of us (my brother, a few friends and me) did a few super 8  movies. Our first (and best out of that group) was 1980: A Plague Oddity (can you guess what year it was done?). The plot was that all mankind had been wiped out by a plague except me (I was naturally immune) and the Doctor (my brother; it was his movie). Most of the film (all 6 or so minutes of it) was filled with either people (us in various costumes) dying or lying, already dead, around town. In the end, the Doctor finds the cure, but it's too late; everyone is already dead. It wasn't until recently that I saw Vincent Price's Last Man on Earth, which has a similar plot, except that the dead in that movie resurrect. This spring, my brother came to visit and we filmed the 25th Anniversary Remake of Plague Oddity, but I haven't seen how that one turned out.

Probably the best one my brother and I did (my other friends weren't involved) was a superhero picture called Whataman vs. the Beef People, where I, the mild-mannered Don Blake, unknowingly eat a Whataburger with some radioactive salt (put in place by a mad scientist) and gain superpowers. In the meantime, some aliens come to Earth and, disguised as beef patties, are ingested by unsuspecting Whataburger patrons (the aliens had been thrown out at McDonald's, with the worker asking how this beef got in here). The aliens then eat their way out, killing the citizens. It's up to Whataman to solve the mystery of the dying Whataburger patrons and defeat the evil aliens. It's pretty poorly done, but it was loads of fun to make. My brother still does a lot of video work. I guess he became as close to the Sam Raimi of our group as we ever got. I was more the Bruce, without the talent or success.