Time Chasers--a review. (god help you if you've seen this flick)

[pops_mcfly]

Name: Time Chasers A.K.A. Tangents
Rated: PG
My Rating: Skull
Copyright Date: 1994 (But everything in it looks about ten or fifteen years older)


 Characters:

Nick Miller : Supposed “genuisâ€� who invents a time machine—although the whole idea of him being a “geniusâ€� is highly questionable—I mean really, he decides that the best thing to build his time machine into isn’t a car but a plane? And is shocked when a multi-millon-dollar government  funded company uses the machine for evil? Did he seriously think they would use it for protecting forests? (his idea not mine) gets shot.


Lisa Fredricks : Miller’s girlfriend and local reporter for the podunk town he lives in—she wears WAY too much make-up. Shot.

Matthew Paul : Robertson’s dorky second in command. Shot.

J.K. Robertson: Sleazy CEO of the company who uses the time machine for evil. Crushed by plane.

The evil streetgangs of the warped 2041: Joel Schumacher inspired obviously.

The Mechanic: Lazy useless and whiny buddy of Nick’s.

The Transport: The airplane Time machine—also the best actor in the whole film.



Plot: A so-called “genius� invents a time machine and sells it to a big government funded company run by a shady CEO—and is shocked when it’s used for evil instead of saving the enviroment. Now he must stop his past self from informing the evil CEO. This is one BAD film.



Stuff To Watch For:

1-min. This is a film made in 1994 right?, So why such low grade technology?

2-min. I repeat—why such low grade technology?

6-min. What is up with so many men wearing pink in this film—are they gay or something?

9-min. This is the lamest vison of the future I’ve ever seen. This is supposed to be 2041?…Booooorrrrriiiiinnnngggg!

33-min.RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A CONTRACT!

37-min. Let’s have a quick review, 1. Miller builds a time machine into a plane instead of a logical choice like a car (maybe he was afraid of copyright lawsuits by Doc Brown) , 2. He shocked that that the shady CEO uses for evil, 3. He’s  in Boston,Massachusetts and is in a race against the evil CEO to reach his time machine in Vermont first—and he takes a Taxi instead of booking a flight?—this guy is a genius?

55-min. RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST BOXES, A ROW OF BICYCLES, AND A CAR!

56-MIN.This was too good not to mention. At one point the bad guys are in a truck(driven by Robertson) and are chasing Miller down—he crashes his stolen car and grabs a bike on the ground—instead of speeding after him however Robertson stops and has the two security guards get on bikes to chase after Miller on.—that’s correct—they dumped the truck to chase after Miller on bikes!

71-min. Yeah, I’d run too pal.

77-min RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A PLANE DASHBOARD!

84-min. I wish MY computer was that polite……

85-min. Hey, they promised me a 90 minute long film—they owe me five minutes!, Talk about ripoff’s I spent a whole dollar on this film! (Ironically enough that looks like it was about the same they had for this film’s budget)



Notable Quotes:

Lisa: “What would Macgyver do?�
Nick: “Take a piece of gum and turn it into a nuculear device—and I’m outta gum!�


Robertson: “I’m gonna make you a part of history!�


Mechanic: “Whoa—minutemen!�
Nick: “Correction—they’re p**sED minutemen!�


Nick: “ You wanna fly?—let’s fly!�


Robertson: “Connect me to this!�




Lessons Learned:

The only breakthrough we’ll make in between 1994 and 2041 are buldings built outta recycled trash and holographic priests.

CEO’s of multi-millon dollar government funded companies have their offices located on staircase landings.

Taxi cab drivers are all conspiracy nut loons.

Five highly trained and armed security guards can’t take one crackpot cab driver with no weapons or fighting skills.

Hitting a row of bikes and empty boxes at 5 MPH. Will flip an entire car over.

After diving into the ocean fully clothed it only takes a few seconds to dry off.

Everyone in 1994 drives cars from the early eighties or late seventies.

Whoever created this film has a fetish for ugly men with big chins.

Contrary to popular belief, people from 1777 have NEVER seen an uzi

Supermarkets are the best places to meet girls.

Watching this film can be hazdous to your mental health.

[Scottie]

We enjoy reviews, but change your format from an already published one, to one of your own. Especially when your format mirrors the one used by this site's webmaster.

I've seen the movie and nothing drags slower than this. I didn't know anyone had the guts to make a time travel movie using only a single engine prop plane and only one theme. Rough.

[odinn7]

Let me step in here for a second even though I may not be wanted...

Scottie, you probably didn't read the earlier thread about this but Pops had asked about posting a review. The following is not meant as an attack on you but rather as some information into why he did his review like this.

Pops was just unfortunately listening to people and how they told him a review should be posted. I find it funny that Scott, Skaboi and Trek (just to name a few and nothing against them at all...just examples off the top of my head) can post reviews on what they saw in any format they choose and nobody says anything. This poor guy is fairly new and asked about posting reviews since he didn't want to do anything wrong. Well, the Review Nazi and someone else had to point out to him the "proper" and "approved way" (my words) to post reviews. Trying to be obliging and not offend, he obviously followed direction.  

Hey Pops, post your reviews however you had thought about doing it previously. No need to follow a specific formula.  Just give us in your own words what you want us to know. If some people don't want to read it because you used some format that doesn't agree with them, too bad for them. You'll find most of us are fairly easy going and not so uptight about minor things like that. You're not here to please anybody but yourself.

[ulthar]

And I would like to take this opportunity to thank Pops_McFly for that review - he made a solid case for why we, though lovers of muck, should avoid this one.

[Shadowphile]

Actually, I appreciated the use of what I assumed to be the site's standard format.  Any review I was going to post would have been done in the same manner.....

[Scottie]

To my defense, I read the original post Pops made asking about posting his own reviews. However, I thought it might be a helpful piece of advice to recommend reviewing in a fashion altogether one's own. No offense, just harmless advice. Sorry.

[Alan Smithee]

Apparently, one of MST3K's more famous episodes is the one ripping this movie.

[trekgeezer]

Andrew has a text template under the reader's reviews section, but this is to be used when you are actually turning in a review for Andrew to publish. That section has a note on it that Andrew is not accepting reader reviews.

I usually just post mine in whatever form hits me at the time. This is a forum and stuff here is pretty much freeform, so my thoughts are do it the way you want.

Thanks for the review pops, and I hope you'll do some more. We need some action going on around here.

[Mr. Hockstatter]

In the MST3K version, one guy is climbing up a tree and one of the 'bots says "Oh look, he's trying to find honey, just like Pooh".  You know, Winnie the Pooh?  That just made me laugh my butt off.  And at the beginning when the main character is riding his bike, the guys are like "This isn't going to be our hero...is it?  It can't be!".  Very good stuff.  The fat guy in the pink tux gets his share of abuse as well.  They also found it odd that the main bad guy would have his office on the mezzanine level of a shopping mall.  Definitely one of the better ones.

[pops_mcfly]

Actually I put the review fasioned after the others on this site because I love that form--all those categories are a riot. forget Ebert, the way movies are reveiwed here cannot be beat.