The truly terrible joke thread

[FatFreddysCat]

Q: What does a vegetarian zombie eat?

A: Grraaaaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnns!

[zombie no.one]

why shouldn't you wear nuclear pants?

chernobyl fallout

[Mofo Rising]

My first response to the Twilight movies, which I told my little brother, who is used to me saying terrible things.

"I'm not going to see that Twilight movie. If I wanted to hear teen girls screaming, I'd go and shoot up a high school."

It was a joke, I already know I'm going to hell.

[Flangepart]

Now if it were me, Mofo, I'd have said "Wouldn't it be easier just to drop yer pants?"
Same effect, no date with the prison system. Well, maybe the local jail...

[Cthulhu]

So this baby seal walks into a club....

[Leah]

Want to know a big word?
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BIG!!!!

[alandhopewell]

    Guy walks into a psychiatrist's office, yelling, "DOC, YA GOTTA HELP ME! I'M A TEEPEE, I'M A WIGWAM, I'M A TEEPEE...."

     "Mr. Schwartz, calm down, " says the shrink, "you're TWO TENTS."

     QUERY: What has four legs and chases cats?

     REPLY:  Mrs. Katz and her lawyer.

[Rev. Powell]

The Dali Lama walks into a pizza joint and says, "can you make me one with everything?"

[The Burgomaster]

Did you hear about the Amish Flu?

There are only two symptoms. First you get a little hoarse, then you get a little buggy.

[Chainsawmidget]

How many porn stars does it take to screw in a light bulb?

At least two.  The tricky part is getting them in the light bulb.

[Hammock Rider]

Hear about Santa and his reindeer landing on top of an outhouse? Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered "No no, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!"

[Leah]

Did you hear about the dyslexia Satanists who worships Santa?

[Mofo Rising]

Hey, did you hear about those corduroy pillows?

They're making headlines!

[Derf]

The Dali Lama walks into a pizza joint and says, "can you make me one with everything?"

To pay for the pizza, the Dali Lama hands the cashier a $50. When the cashier simply puts the money into the register, the Dali Lama asks for his change.

The cashier replies, "Change comes from within."

[ChaosTheory]

Want to know a big word?
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.
.
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BIG!!!!

Oh, I hate myself for laughing at that.


-What did the prism say to the light beam?
-Get bent!