The truly terrible joke thread

[Jack]

Why do they always boil water when a woman is giving birth?
In case it's stillborn, they can make stew.

[lester1/2jr]

What did George Washington say to his men before they got on their horses? Men, get on your horses.

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?




A carrot

[Leah]

So a priest, a rabbi, and a Hindu walks into a bar, they now all have bruises on their foreheads.

[indianasmith]

What did ben Franklin say to Thomas Jefferson in the bathroom on July 4, 1776?

"America, you're a nation!"  (say it fast)

[Leah]

I already posted this in the Grinds my Gears thread, but it's still funny  
I sincerely hate it when you compliment on a nice mustache...and then she's not your friend anymore!  

Whats Beethovens favorite fruit? BANANANAAAAA!!


How do you cook toilet paper?
You brown it first, then put it in the bowl.

What's the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you use a feather, perverted is when you use the whole chicken.

And finally, a pun pic

[Leah]

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint...my...house."

Question: What's the difference between "Beer Nuts" and "Deer Nuts"? Answer: "Beer Nuts" are a dollar twenty-five and "Deer Nuts" are under a buck

[JoeTheDestroyer]

Someone stole all of the toilets out of the local police department.  Cops have nothing to go on.

The same crook allegedly cut a hole in a nearby nudist colony's fence.  Police are looking into it.

[Allhallowsday]

How is a politician like a BANANA? 
They start out GREEN. 
Then, they turn YELLOW. 
By the time they're done... rotten! 

[Umaril Has Returned]

How is a politician like a BANANA? 
They start out GREEN. 
Then, they turn YELLOW. 
By the time they're done... rotten! 

Amen to that one, friend. 

[Umaril Has Returned]

So, let's see....Jimmy Carter, Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton decide to rob a bank.

Jimmy Carter says "OK, let's open the safe and tie up the tellers.."
Bill Clinton says "What about the women and children"?
Jimmy Carter says "Aww..screw the women and children!"
Ted Kennedy says, "Jimmy, please don't give Bill and ideas again!"

[Allhallowsday]

When is a door not a door?  When it's ajar. 

[Jack]

So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

[Leah]

So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

and he's Satanic, he worships Santa.

[indianasmith]

He saw a robber coming into the bank and said "Look out! He's got a nug!!!"