The truly terrible joke thread

[RCMerchant]

What's the difference between a bullet and a cop?
When a bullet kills someone it gets fired.

[RCMerchant]

A blind man walks into a bar... And then a chair And then a table.

[RCMerchant]

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says I might be a type o.

Why am I laughing at this? 

[RCMerchant]

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. "Thanks but why'd you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"

I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.

[RCMerchant]

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a ski mask came up to her and shot 3 bullets into her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies each had a bullet in their bodies.

The doctor said that they should be fine, but there are risks and they'll be operated when their bodies are mature enough.

Fast forward to 15 years, one day the first daughter comes up to her mother and tells her that she was taking a leak and she felt a shot of pain in her abdomen, and surprisingly, it was the bullet.

The mother told her what happened 15 years ago.

The second daughter and she had the same story and the mother told her everything.

Then her son said " I have a problem.",
Mom-' Lemme guess, you were taking a leak and you felt a shot of pain before a bullet came out?" The son replied-

"No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog."

[RCMerchant]

Every planet is named after a God. Except Earth.
That's named after dirt.

[RCMerchant]

If I could ad a face to the Mount Rushmore momument, it would be James Polk.
Because I wanna know what he looks like.

[ER]

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. "Thanks but why'd you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"

I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.

Oh my gosh, RC, it's like you were eavesdropping in my car the night that hitchhiker went missing! 

[RCMerchant]

The most disturbing thing about going to Disneyland is seeing all those people walking around wearing Mickey Mouses' scalp.

[indianasmith]

If a vampire with a breast obsession were to write a love song, what would he call it?
"Fangs for the Mammaries!"

I heard a bunch of other vampire jokes but they all sucked.

[ER]

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says I might be a type o.

Good one!

[pacman000]

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Banana!
Banana who?

Knock knock!
...Who's there?
Banana!
...Banana who?

Knock knock!

Knock knock!

Knock knock!

(Sigh) Who's there?
Banana!
...Banana who?

Knock knock!
(Irritated) Who's there?
Banana!
(Irritated) Banana who?

Knock knock!
Who's there, a Banana?
No, no, no! You have to do it right!
Ok, ok, Who's there?
Banana!
(Sigh.) Banana who?

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Orange!
Orange who?
Orange ya glad I didn't say Banana!

Yes. Yes I am.

[RCMerchant]

^ The oldest stupidist knock knock joke in the world.
And I'm laughing my ass off! 

[ER]

What's dark-haired, limps, and has black and blue skin?
A brunette who told one too many blonde jokes.

[RCMerchant]

Jeffery Dahmer's relatives argued what to do with his body.

Some wanted to stick him in a freezer and the others wanted to eat him.