The truly terrible joke thread

[Alex]

Patient "Doctor, I have a problem with my joints."
Doctor "Do they hurt?"
Patient "No, I suck at rolling them!"

[Alex]

I have a plan to cool myself down to -273 Celsius, my friends think it's suicide but i think i'll be 0k

[Svengoolie 3]

Question: what happens if you put odor eaters in an arab's sandals?

Answer:

[Alex]

I never knew much about people, until the day I took one apart just to see how they worked.

[BoyScoutKevin]

Why did Trevor cross the road?
a. To get to the other side for the underwear clearance sale. No fool he.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
b. It was lunchtime at Trevor's house, and all the birds and the bees would be there.
c. Trevor was on vacation.
d. It wanted to see where Trevor went, for it was sure to follow.
e. Trevor was on strike.
f. It was Trevor's day off from crossing the road.
g. Trevor's alarm failed to go off, and he was late.
h. Since it was paid in chickenfeed, it was cheaper to use a chicken.

Anymore?

[indianasmith]

Q: What's the difference between a toaster oven and an electric razor?
A:  I don't know - what?
R:  Gee, you must burn your face a lot!!!!

(pulled that one on a student today)

[indianasmith]

So, William Shatner of STAR TREK fame is apparently launching his own line of lingerie.
However, the release date has been delayed so they can change the product's name.  Apparently "Shatner Panties" didn't test well with focus groups!

[ER]

My home-ec teacher said onions are the only food that can make a person cry, so I threw a coconut at her face.

[indianasmith]

A pharmacy was robbed today and five crates of Viagra were stolen.

Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals!

[Svengoolie 3]

What does a trump supporter do when his laptop freezes?

Puts it in the microwave for 3 minutes.

[ER]

A kindergarten teacher was introducing the basics of subtraction when she saw one little girl from a rural part of the county was staring out the window instead of paying attention, so she asked her, "Maebelle, if there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and a hunter shoots one, how many are left?"

Maebelle answered, "None."

The teacher asks her why and Maebelle answered, "Well, duh, because the shot scared the rest away."

[AoTFan]

For some reason this doesn't work when I try to post it as a gif, so I'll just post the link.

https://imgur.com/gallery/4iQPfV3

[ER]

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

[Alex]

Yay, you found this thread!

[Svengoolie 3]

I was a people person once.. But people xxxxed it up.