Classic TV Shows Updated To 2020

[ER]

Gilligan's Island would assume a Lord of the Flies meets Lost aspect.

Ginger would look a lot like Sharon Tate and be a drug addict in a Valley of the Dolls homage, less an A-list actress than a desperate wanna-be who was being blackmailed before she left Hollywood, by a photographer with "incriminating" pictures from her past that would ruin her rising/stuttering career in the movies. She went to meet the blackmailer at his flat off Hollywood Blvd. only to find him brutally slain, and while she's sure she didn't do it, she also was coming off a long blackout after taking a near-overdose level of downers and can't remember where she'd been the last ten hours before rushing off to take the cruise.

Mary Ann would likewise be fleeing a murder rap back in Kansas, only in her case she absolutely did it, shooting her boss/lover at the town bank where she worked, cutting him out of his share of the bank's savings she pretended to be stealing with the manager before he left his wife and the two ran off to Rio together. Mary Ann decided she didn't need a partner and ditched that baggage. The cruise on the SS Minnow was meant to be stop one in  a 'round the world voyage.

The Professor would be a secret Nazi war criminal hunted by Israel for his eugenics experiments, and not a lot would be known about him at first, except he seems affable and able and brilliant, though Gilligan swears he heard the professor mumbling in German when he was knocked out in the wreck.

The Howells are con artists of another sort who recently stole the life savings of a vengeful French Resistance assassin, who is now looking for them while they stay one step ahead. Mrs. Howell is also really a man, which is part of the disguise, not an orientation.

Gilligan has multiple personalities, some benign, others not, but while the others know him only as a bumbling seaman, there is much conflicted darkness in his past, as we see in flashbacks with a blind woman who was in love with him....and who is probably now dead.

The Skipper is secretly the father of one of the passengers, which one we don't know, and he is a genius who masterminded bringing everyone together on the cruise, only to see his plan for revelation foiled by the sudden squall that marooned them on the island. There's a hint dropped in episode three that the Skipper may have a terminal illness and is trying to make amends for his past and the child he never knew.

Most of the castaways are scheming to gain the upper hand here, and one of them is plotting to murder everyone else....
.
....on Gilligan's Island!

[Allhallowsday]

FATHER KNOWS BEST  

James "Jim" Anderson Sr.: Robert Young - Jim, having affair with Islamic secretary slaps Margaret and leaves...
Margaret Anderson: Jane Wyatt - Margaret, left alone, turns to drink, Bud's pals, and lets the house get smelly...
Betty "Princess" Anderson: Elinor Donahue - Princess, unwed, 5 months pregnant with someone's child... she has admirers of multiple race. 
James "Bud" Anderson Jr.: Billy Gray - Bud, hop head, meth dealer, wife beater, father, child molester, alcoholic...
Kathy "Kitten" Anderson: Lauren Chapin - Kitten, kidnapped and imprisoned in neighbor's garage as long as necessary for ratings...


Thank you Wikipedia! 

[Svengoolie 3]

Laverne and Shirley. One would be black.  They'd  be lesbians. That would be all the show was about.

Starsky and Hutch. One would be black.   They'd  be gay. That would be all the show was about.

The odd couple. Felix would be a vampire . Oscar would be a werewolf.

[ER]

Jane the Virgin would return as a downer comedy about a frustrated loser with no friends, no job, no respect from his family, doomed to babble self-importantly among people who don't take anything he says seriously. Oh, he also is a lazy typist. Gee all I'm lacking now is a catchy title....

Den the Virgin?
Spin the Virgin?
Vin the Virgin?

It'll come to me.

[Svengoolie 3]

Completely useless negative trolling.

[ER]

I think Gomer Pyle USMC should be re-done as a Full Metal Jacket style series depicting the gritty horrors of Vietnam, so that Pyle really has something to shout, "Well GOLLLLEEE!" about.

[Svengoolie 3]

Thast was Forrest gump.

[ER]

Naw, man, darker than Gump went. I mean Jim Neighbors forced to have sex with a woman in order to survive kinda dark.

[Svengoolie 3]

If you  want a realistic movie about Viet nam all I can say is that according to a guy who was in Vietnam "full metal jacket" is as close to reality as a movie ever got.

[ER]

The Wild, Wild Westworld, would feature US federal agents James West and Artemus Gordon sent in to infiltrate and undermine the rebellious robots of Westworld.

[Gabriel Knight]

The Wild, Wild Westworld, would feature US federal agents James West and Artemus Gordon sent in to infiltrate and undermine the rebellious robots of Westworld.

I assume it will be played by Will Smith and Kevin Kline, just to p**s off fans of steampunk.

[ER]

The Courtship of Eddie's Father will return as a vigilante judge takes his young son Eddie out to international water to inflict vengeance on the guilty in his nuclear-powered vessel of harsh justice known as the Court Ship.

[Svengoolie 3]

Happy days would revolve around the lives of non white non WASPs living in america in the 50's and the way they contrasted to the middle american white bread lives of the cunninghams's who they interact with.

[claws]

The Golden Girls

Four older single women share a home and one Netflix account in Seattle, Washington. The owner of the airbnb house is Snapchat Queen Blanche Devereaux, who is joined by The Cheesecake Factory employee Rose Nylund and Uber Driver Dorothy Zbornak, after they both responded to an ad on Craigslist. The three women are joined by Dorothy's 80-year-old vegan mother, Sophia Petrillo, after her lactose free dairy farm where she had been living was shut down for fraud.

[ER]

The Murray Tyler Moore Show would be about a white male trying to "make it after all" in a modern workplace where women and minorities get the credit, and white men do most of the work. More of a documentary in other words.