The truly terrible joke thread

[ER]

Before he left for a night of hook-ups with strange males met through an app, my cousin told this wholesome old joke:

How do you make a gay baby cry?
You take the pacifier out of his butt.

[Svengoolie 3]

I know the economy sucks,  but I didn't know how bad it was until I saw that Snoop Dogg was having to write cooking instructions to get by.

That's right,  the economy is so bad that former rap star snoop dog is having to write cooking instructions.

I know because I just got a bag of frozen French fries and the instructions said "Bake at 420 for 30 minutes. "

[ER]

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church and took a seat in the confessional but didn't say anything, so after a moment Father O'Connor cleared his throat to attract his attention, though even then the drunk kept silent. The Father then coughed loudly but still got no response. Finally, losing patience, Father O'Connor knocked on the wall, and the drunk replied, "Sorry, can't help you, Father, there's no toilet paper in this one either."

[Svengoolie 3]

What did Kevin spacey do when he saw a 14 year old boy smoking?

Slowed down and used more vaseline.

[RCMerchant]

What do you call a midget who's power puking?

A fire hydrant.

[RCMerchant]

What did Jeffery Dahmers Mom say to him when she found out about his crimes?

" If your grandfather knew about this he would be rolling in his gravy!"

[ER]

What's the only thing that grows in Chicago?
The murder rate.

[RCMerchant]

What's the only thing that grows in Chicago?
The murder rate.

Usta be Detroit. Sad. It's all sad.

[indianasmith]

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1. It is perfect formula for the child.

2. It provides immunity against several diseases.

3. It is always the right temperature.

4. It is inexpensive.

5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

6. It is always available as needed.

And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...

7. It comes naturally packaged in 2 attractive containers that the cat can't get into.

He got an A.

[Alex]

What did Kevin spacey do when he saw a 14 year old boy smoking?

Slowed down and used more vaseline.

Before you call anyone else out for vile jokes you might want to have a good look in the mirror. Sorry but if you are going to pull others up on their standards you should at least be man enough to keep those standards yourself first.

[Alex]

When a man says he would do anything for a woman he means he'd stop bullets or kill dragons.

NOT clean he dishes, or clean the basement.

[316zombie]

in my case, he'd much rather clean. i handle the dragons, and i'm already bulletproof, lol!

[Svengoolie 3]

It was so cold in my neighborhood today I saw a trump supporter put on a ski cap before he put on his white hood.

A bunch of Trump supporters decided to go to California to protest it's sanctuary city policy.  They charted a greyhound,   followed the driver's instruction to get on the bus and were all killed when it went under a low bridge.

[Pacman000]

"What's up?"

"Ceiling Tiles."

(Note: this has been my standard joke for 3-5 years now. I need a new joke.)

[Alex]

From a post on a friends FB page that made me chuckle.

Person 1: Jesus's mother was a virgin when she gave birth to him.
Person 2: Yeah that's why three random guys showed up with gifts.