The truly terrible joke thread

[indianasmith]

I saw a sign at IHOP that said:  "We serve breakfast any time!"
So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
The waiter took my order, and I waited an hour.  Finally I said: "Where is my French Toast?"
He said; "Don't you remember?  I served it to you 520 years ago."

Well played.

[Alex]

Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, 'Do you know why I can't be buried there?' And we all say, 'Why not?' And he says, 'Because I'm not dead yet!'

[Trevor]

Why did Trevor cross the road?
a. To get to the other side for the underwear clearance sale. No fool he.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
b. It was lunchtime at Trevor's house, and all the birds and the bees would be there.
c. Trevor was on vacation.
d. It wanted to see where Trevor went, for it was sure to follow.
e. Trevor was on strike.
f. It was Trevor's day off from crossing the road.
g. Trevor's alarm failed to go off, and he was late.
h. Since it was paid in chickenfeed, it was cheaper to use a chicken.

Anymore?

[Alex]

Why is the IRS going after Stormy Daniels?


Because she didn't declare all her "gross" income

[Leah]

A man got trampled by some horses and was taken to a hospital. His condition has been listed as stable.

[Svengoolie 3]

Hollywood is making a new version of 'the exorcist'. It'sIt's about a woman desperately seeking Satan's help to get a Catholic priest out of her son.

[ER]

Hollywood is making a new version of 'the exorcist'. It'sIt's about a woman desperately seeking Satan's help to get a Catholic priest out of her son.

Dude...really? Child molestation as humor?

[Alex]

[indianasmith]

So I had this dream last night that me, AHD, Trevor, and Dark Alex were going to a B movie convention.
On the way there, the car swerved off a road and suddenly all three of us were standing before the pearly gates.

Slowly, they swung open, and a deep, booming voice said: "WELCOME TO THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN!  DO WHAT YOU WANT, GO WHERE YOU WILL, BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT STEP ON A DUCK!!"

So we entered and wandered around, and after not encountering anyone else, we decided to split up and see if we could find where all the people were.
After a while I rounded a corner, and here came AHD handcuffed to the ugliest woman I had ever seen.  I mean, this woman fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!  I said: "Dude - What happened to you??"
    AHD replied: "I stepped on a duck."

A while later I ran across Trevor, and he was handcuffed to the ugly woman's even uglier sister.  This woman was ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road!  "What happened?" I said.
 
Trevor replied:  "I stepped on a duck!"

By this point I was spending more time looking for ducks than I was looking for other people!! After a while, though, I ran into Dark Alex.  He was handcuffed to Scarlett Johansen!  I looked at him in shock and said: "What happened??"

And she said:  "I stepped on a duck."   

[Svengoolie 3]

https://taskandpurpose.com/hoth-crash-air-force-investigation/

[Allhallowsday]

How is YOKO ONO like a spider?  She also lives off of dead beetles... 

[Alex]

I tried eating Wookie once.

It was Chewie.

[Alex]

Was asked if I wanted to play Battleships today.

To be honest its a game that I find very hit or miss.

[indianasmith]

What's brown and bubbly and taps on the glass?
A hamster in a microwave!

[Svengoolie 3]

I was in a traffic jam yesterday when a man tapped on my window and told me that terrorists had kidnapped Donald trump and we've  demanding 10 billion in ransom or  they were going to fill a swimming pool with gasoline,  throw him in it and set it on fire.  He asked me if I'd donate anything to help.

I told him they could out me down for 2 gallons.