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The truly terrible joke thread

Started by Trevor, March 01, 2010, 08:28:37 AM

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Alex

I think more kids should be called Lance.
I mean it isn't a common name nowadays, but in the old days...

Well, people were Lance a lot.
Hail to thyself
For I am my own master
I am my own god
I require no shepherd
For I am no sheep.

zombie no.one

how did bob marley like his donuts?

with an infusion of jam (or any similar fruit preserve) injected directly into the centre of the fried dough.

indianasmith

Larry the accountant was three hours late coming home from work one day.
His wife met him at the door, concerned and a bit angry.  "Where have you been all evening?" she demanded.
"If you must know, I was getting a tattoo!" he replied.
"I don't see a tattoo," she said, looking at his arms.
"It's on my willie," he replied.
"And what did you get tattooed on your willie?" she asked.
"A hundred dollar bill," he explained.
"Why?"
"Several reasons - one, I like to watch my money grow.  Two, I sometimes like to play with my money.  Three, I like holding my money in my hand.
And four - now you never have to go shopping again! You can stay home and blow $100 any time you want!"
"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"

Alex

I wonder what kind of fitness regime Jesus followed.

I see him as a CrossFit guy myself.
Hail to thyself
For I am my own master
I am my own god
I require no shepherd
For I am no sheep.

RCMerchant

First guy: Would you rather eat a goat baby or a mata baby?

Second guy: What's a mata baby?

First guy: Nothing. What's a mata with you, baby?
Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."
Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant

ER

Only in New Jersey

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

What, you think I'm Alexa with all the answers or somethin'? We gonna have a problem, cuz I got yer problems right here, bozo!
What does not kill me makes me stranger.

indianasmith

What do you get when you cross a Mafia boss with a duck?

A dead duck.  Never, ever cross a Mafia boss!
"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"

RCMerchant

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

A picture of Jesus only takes one nail.
Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."
Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant

indianasmith

I spotted an albino dalmation today.

He looks much better now.
"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"

indianasmith

Why did Kirk have to leave the bridge of the Enterprise so quickly?

He thought it was a fart, but it was the "Captain's Log!"
"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"

Rev. Powell

I passed a construction site today. There was a woman working there. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was riveting!
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

indianasmith

My wife and I were talking about history the other day, and she said: "It's amazing how little people change!"

I said: "They do it the same as the rest of us, their clothes are just much smaller!"
"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"

ER

Why are pool tables green?

You'd be green too if someone hit your balls with a stick.
What does not kill me makes me stranger.

Rev. Powell

A homeless guy asked me for money today. I looked in my pocket for change, but all I had on me was a $20 bill. I thought to myself, "Do I really want this $20 going towards drugs?...Nah." So I gave him the $20.
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

ER

What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley
What does not kill me makes me stranger.