The truly terrible joke thread

[Trevor]

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta 

[Trevor]

A visitor to the Olympic Games village met an athlete with a big stick on his shoulder.

Visitor: "Are you a pole vaulter?"
Athlete: "No, I'm German and how did you know my name is Walter?"

[indianasmith]

When he was a boy, Spock was often bullied in the schoolyard on Vulcan.
He quickly developed a sharp retort for his tormentors:  "Your momma's so fat, she outweighs the needs of the many!"

[pacman000]

What fruit is also a 50's sitcom moral?

Cantaloupe

[Trevor]

When he was a boy, Spock was often bullied in the schoolyard on Vulcan.
He quickly developed a sharp retort for his tormentors:  "Your momma's so fat, she outweighs the needs of the many!"

Ouchies 

[zombie no.one]

did you hear about the restaurant that only serves minced pork?

it's always ground hog day.

[Alex]

I got an email telling me how to read maps backwards.

Turned out it was spam.

[Alex]

A number of cars have been broken into across several multi-story car parks.

It is a crime that is wrong on so many levels.

[Leah]

I watched a video on how ships are kept together.  It was riveting.

[ER]

Five nerds were walking down the street late at night when two tough-looking hoods started coming toward them. "Let's get out of here!" whimpered one of the nerds. "There are two of them and we five are each alone!"

[zombie no.one]

The advantages of keeping origami simple are two-fold.

[zombie no.one]

I made friends with a dolphin by mimicking its behaviour and we just clicked.

[Alex]

To save time, more women should get pregnant down at the Amazon.

I hear its next-day delivery.

[ER]

A middle school science teacher asked her students, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

The class goody-goody gasped and said, "We're twelve, you shouldn't ask us a question like that!"

The teacher ignored her and asked again, making the prudish girl blush and threaten, "I'm going to report you!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and urged her students, "Anybody?"

Finally, one boy said, "Um, is it the pupil of the eye?"

"Very good," said the teacher, who then turned to the girl who'd mouthed-off and told her, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very disappointed."

[Alex]

Why is water salty?

Because if it was full of pepper, the fish would sneeze.